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THE CYNICAL VIEW: BUILDING THE MANIA - PART FIVE

24 Great Wrestlemania Matches

Welcome back to “The Cynical View”, and my fifth Wrestlemania preview column. Thanks to all those who corresponded regarding the previous ones. And thanks to those who corrected me in saying that Hogan’s victory over Yokozuna at Wrestlemania 9 was his fifth, not fourth title reign. (I made the rubbish error of not being able to recall the Undertaker switch, and assumed that I had imagined that whole period rather than taking the time to look it up…my bad). Wrestlemania has played host to a wonderful array of incredible matches, and it would be a crime to not make mention of some of those. In attempting to compile some sort of reasonably satisfying list of my top 24 though, I had to make some sacrifices and tough decisions. I haven’t included one match in particular that I’m probably going to have my ass-whupped over. But, hey, this is just my own view point, and I’ll happily debate with anyone who disagrees. Just to start, here’s a few matches that were considered but failed to quite make the cut. Even these comprise an enviable list…

The Rockers vs. Haku and The Barbarian (Wrestlemania 7)

Money in the Bank 3 (Wrestlemania 23)

Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon (Wrestlemania 17)

Terry Funk and Chainsaw Charlie vs. The New Age Outlaws (Wrestlemania 14)

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero (Wrestlemania 21)

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit (Wrestlemania 16)

Hulk Hogan vs. Mr.McMahon (Wrestlemania 19)

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit (Wrestlemania 17)

Hulk Hogan vs The Rock (wrestlemania 18)

Randy Orton vs. the Undertaker (Wrestlemania 21)

Randy Savage vs. Ted Dibiase (Wrestlemania 4)

Mick Foley vs. Edge (Wrestlemania 22)

24.Ric Flair vs. The Undertaker (Wrestlemania 18)

Undertaker’s best bouts always sneak up on you like an overexcited camel. This one had the unenviable task of being good, despite taken place during the era in which Undertaker wore trousers that were too short (with white socks!), had short-hair, and changed his entrance music about twenty times. His gimmick was slightly stagnant, and his momentum non-existent. Meanwhile, Flair was still in that awkward phase in his life where he had not recovered from the indignities he suffered in WCW, and was not really in shape to wrestle, and also lacked in confidence. But somehow, the two got it together, and on this night, had a super-hot brawl, worthy of the biggest show of the year. A fantastic battle. Oh, and a GREAT cameo from Arn Anderson.

23. Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan(Wrestlemania 6)

This makes the list almost purely because it was such a complete and utter novelty. The two most popular babyfaces on PPPV against each other? Gasp. At the time, no-one could imagine what would happen. What did happen, was that somehow, in what had to be some sort of miracle that Vince literally prayed for, these two clicked in the ring, having a heated, exciting match. Looking back, we all know how Hogan screwed up Warrior’s moment. But the lead up to it was still there, and it was almost perfectly done. Two limited guys doing what they best, and doing it superbly.

This is the sort of bout that benefits enormously if you are aware of the behind-the-scenes proceedings. Austin was the hottest guy in the company, Michaels was the Champion. Austin was going to lead the promotion through the rest of the year and beyond, whilst Michaels needed time off to rest his back, which was about as healthy as a grasshopper in a washing machine. This created a completely tangible tension between the two, with Special enforcer Mike Tyson (who’s presence ensured that this wasn’t just a wrestling show, it was a crossover event deemed worthy of attention by the mainstream media) in the middle. Imagine a world-class drink, a savvy concoction of trendy ingredients whipped together by Tom Cruise in Cocktail. This is what you had here. Throughout this battle, the pain that Michaels was enduring was etched on his face with every moment. Yes, he bitched and moaned beforehand that he didn’t want to lose the belt. but when the time came, he did so, and he did so in dramatic, show-stopping style, and showed, for maybe the first time in his WWE career, real honour, and real dedication.

A testament to the HBK that fans today are used to seeing, this is where he started.

This foreshadowed the popular TLC matches, the Money in the Bank Matches, and in a more general sense, the modern ladder match. With this match, the gimmick moved beyond the old style, which was innovated by Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon, and into it’s newer incarnation, the one that led to Joey Mercury creating a rainbow with his face. At the time, it was fresh, and dazzling, and historical, as it was the first Wrestlemania appearance for all of the participants, one of whom is going to become one of Wrestlemania’s biggest ever stars, if Edge’s career continues to thrive as it is currently.

In some ways, the fight these two had at WM 19 was ridiculous At one point, The Rock could clearly be seen to be wearing Stone Cold’s attire. And repeatedly, he stole his moves. But so did Austin. And at the end of the bout, The Rock had a conversation with his fallen opponent in which he told him how much he loved him. Sometimes Pro-Wrestling makes little sense when you think about it too much.

Having sang a few songs, and drank a few beers, Austin was on his way out of the WWE. The Rock was a part-timer, but he had a BIG match coming up the following month. He had to win this. But in order to so, he had to defeat someone he had never made it through at the big one. This in itself was enough to make this amazingly dramatic, and saw The Rock cast in his ideal role. He played the villain with an albatross over his head that was the key to his salvation. Through every minute of this match, you could feel his absolute need to get the victory. But that generally counted for little against “The Rattlesnake”, as uncompromising a character as you will ever see in pro-wrestling. The action we witnessed here was truly spine-tingly. Not as fresh as their match at WM 15, and not as brilliantly executed as their WM 17 encounter, this was nonetheless the most emotional.

This epic confounded a few. Understandably so. Here were Eddie and Kurt, two guys with one heck of a grudge. Eddie was accused of being a poor champion, a poor role model, and a man of little moral worth. He was handcuffed and bludgeoned by the challenger. He was arrested. He was humiliated, and deservedly angry. So instead of attempting to beat Angle pillar to post, he had a competitive wrestling match, where the two went hold to hold. Huh?

So this Is one epic in which it’s best to IGNORE the back-story, and just enjoy the absolutely astonishing work of two professionals at the top of their game.

This pair was pretty much inseparable, so why bother! Both are stunning err, stunt matches. But what distinguishes these from the overbooked third MITB (and I suspect this years), is that there was a hell of a lot going on in them other than craziness. The first was an unpredictable thrill ride, full of dangerous, but genuinely invigorating sequences. It also frustratingly provided evidence as to why Shelton Benjamin needs to be given as much opportunity as possible to improve his horrendous mic skills, his lack of fundamental personality, and his inability to connect with the audience. Here, he was fabulous, completely stealing the show. But what really helped this one stand out, was the utterly astonishing selling of Chris Benoit. Facially battered, and selling a shoulder injury harder than Edge sells Vidal Sassoon, he’s the glue that held this one together. Unless you’re unable to watch The Crippler’s efforts anymore, his work is what makes this bout so incredibly watchable. Shame about Kane being there though.

So the second…This was a tough sell for me, because it featured not just Bobby Lashley (completely green and useless), Ric Flair (to old to legally compete in ladder matches for sure), and Fit Finlay (not exactly Mr. Ladder eh?). However, it exceeded expectations by largely focusing on the other three, who were indeed, perfectly suited to this atmosphere. In particular, Shelton delivered the sort of outstanding performance that makes one wonder why they took so long to find him a decent role. This was a fine example also of the WWE at it’s spot-tastic best, as these guys, knowing they had a criminally brief time with which to work, shoved in as much as possible into the match, and didn’t let up once. The ending was also dazzling, even if the witless camera crew didn’t manage to capture the best moments. What they did capture though, was Rob Van Dam’s haircut. Seriously the worst thing I’ve witnessed since Bruce Almighty.

Hart versus Piper was an anomaly in 1992. It was a match based on respect, friendship, and sportsmanship. And this led to a rare wrestling appearance for Piper. See, whilst Piper was a fantastic character throughout his career, an enormous chunk of his WWF career was spent speaking, and not actually grappling. This situation was perfect in building up this match, as many fans, myself included, were unaccustomed to seeing the err, Scot, engage in technical action. Thus, when he went toe-to-toe in an epic, dazzling battle, fans were surprised and astonished, and it brilliantly put Piper over even in defeat. Meanwhile Bret Hart was established as the dominant, long-term figure in the Intercontinental scene, and the one clearly earmarked for greater things. And Bret’s self-proclaimed “real” professional blade job only enhanced a bout that saw two greats play the audience in awe-inspiring fashion. Just listen to the screams from the crowd when Piper was considering whacking Bret with the ring-bell.

While I realise that there’s a strong possibility that for featuring this so “Low” on my list, I will receive either death threats of some description, or a future doomed to even less readership than now, hear me out. Every match on his list is amazing! And there were a whole bunch more that couldn’t be included. But this one just isn’t special to me the way several others are. Yes, I can appreciate the quality, the density of the action, and undeniably crisp execution by both men. But just like Steamboat, it isn’t deeply embedded in my heart. Maybe it’s the continued sight of George Steele drooling all over his chest-wig. Maybe it’s the horrible ending. Maybe it’s he impending thought of having to endure Hogan/Andre? As fantastic as this match was, I refuse to place it higher. Sorry!

Back in 2001, the Undertaker was a shell of his former shelf in some ways. His “bad-ass gimmick hadn’t entirely taken off yet, and he’d not quite shaken off the considerable ring-rust acquired throughout his Sept 99-May 00 injury lay-off. In fact, most his produce throughout the ten-months prior to this smelled suspiciously like Rikishi’s ring attire. In other’s words, somewhat pungent. But at ‘Mania, the Dead-Biker type guy came good, doing battle with Triple H (during the tail end of the greatest run of his career) in what proved to be an absolutely thrilling effort. Like Batista/Taker, this one was special almost precisely because we expected it to be so rubbish. And it takes part, to pretentiously dissect it, in three acts. The first is a solid one-one-one encounter, leading to a referee bump. The second is a fan-flippin’-tastic arena-wide brawl (that admittedly includes on completely silly bump- if you haven’t seen it, prepare yourself), and the third, is a convoluted, but dazzling and utterly absorbing final stretch. Wanted to know why that spot in Batista/HHH HIAC with the sledgehammer was so good? This is why. One of the finest moments in The Undertaker’s career, this one.

There’s one issue I have with this match. And only one. My dislike of the vile Hulkster. With his ridiculous hairstyle, anal preaching, and penchant for using every rule breaker technique in the book, he was always a horrible excuse for a hero in my book. Other than that, this match is superb. It’s so good (and specifically, Hogan was so hot, and Macho is so, so brilliant here), that I was able to forget my dislike of “The Real American”, and enjoy what was obviously set-up to facilitate him becoming champion again.

Boy, did I have to gnaw, tear, guzzle, swallow, and choke on many’s a word following this outstanding effort. Anytime you ever see something as uniquely rare as a decent Dave Batista match, there’s usual a good excuse. “HBK carried him”, “HHH took every short-cut in the book”, “It was a Hell in a Cell”, “I was asleep”, “Sylvian Grenier is always watchable”. But not here. Here, in a straight-up, one on one encounter with The Undertaker, Dave had the greatest match of his career. And it was under what was no doubt a tremendous amount of pressure. It’s not always possible to have good clashes with Taker either. His gimmick is a little restricting, he often carries any number of injuries, and he’s frickin’ big! Both guys should be enormously proud of this dazzling bout.

Another classic that endures a fair bit of trashing these days. The pendulum has swung, and having been overrated for so long (everyone used to assume it was the greatest match of all time until they watched it), it’s now criminally underrated (a lot of people, peers of mine included, label it “boring“). Just because it isn’t the definition of “perfect”, does not mean it ain’t good folks. Far from dull, I found, and still find, that this tussle is completely and utterly absorbing from beginning to end. Slow-paced? For sure, but never for a moment not fascinating. Never for a moment do these two lapse into being unconvincing or lazy. For me, the beauty of their respective turns in this, are that they’re both unsure of what is to come, as it’s the first Iron Man match. They’re prepared to battle for an hour, they’re cautious, and they’re being clever. This is an aspect within the psychology of the “Iron Man” format that I feel is sadly ignored. In the second one, (Hunter vs. Rock), Hunter attempted the same strategy, hoping to play it relatively safely, and pace himself until he could outwrestle his more eager opponent. When that failed, he swiftly resorted to cheating. In Brock versus Angle on Smackdown, Lesnar took the advantage at the start, sacrificing a fall in order to attempt to set Angle back so far, that the mountain he would have to climb would be insurmountable. As the fore-runner to all of these, that’s where I find this match is so special. It established the necessary status quo for the stipulation, from which the others either adhere to or deviate from. The last ten minutes of this were so good, largely because there were no prior falls, and thus it was completely believable as it went on, that if one fall were attained, it would probably be enough. Additionally, this is a match type that you won’t again see at Wrestlemania, and that alone helps to emphasize that even having these two, who were capable of this, is an achievement in itself.

Not the masterpiece some claim, but still damn close.

Brock Lesnar’s Shooting Star Press. Rarely in life have I ever been so terrified. The dream I had once about being on Supermarket Sweep... Accidentally smashing a jar of Beetroot in Dunnes Stores as a young ‘un... When Cher released the horrendous single “Believe”, sounding like a Dalek trapped inside an urn... Bumping into Timmy Mallet on a Saturday afternoon and wondering where his mallet was... Seeing “Return to OZ” for the first time.

None compared with the sight of 300-pound Brock Lesnar crashing down face first into the canvas following a botch that resembled an unwanted crab being thrown from one’s swimming trunks. Splat. I was convinced he was dead. And this was after nearly half an hour of pooping oneself for fear for Kurt Angle’s ability to walk. The drama of this match was completely and utterly real when I watched it live, thanks to said Botch, in addition to Angle’s health, but now it’s easy to appreciate what a demanding, fascinating athletic contest these two turned out. Undeniably superb, and the sort of Main Event Bret Hart would be having were he in his peak today. Though I don’t think he’d be up for trying that flying trick like Brock though.

10. Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior (Wrestlemania 7)

Amazingly, in just five attempts, The Ultimate Warrior had two great matches at Wrestlemania. In fact, two matches that have made this very list. Considering how bad his usual work is, that’s fairly amazing. Mind you, he was competing here against Savage, in a match that had the added edge of a fancy-pants retirement stipulation. At the time, when Savage lost, it was believable (and devastating, he may have been a heel, but at heart, Macho Man was always loved by the fans), and that’s what had made this bout so thrilling. We all bought it back then as kids. Whoever lost this was done forever. FOREVER. Forever seemed like an awfully long time. Nevermind the equally fantastic reunion with Miss Elizabeth immediately following this match (and it can be seen in my column on the Top 24 Mark out moments), the fight itself is a great one, and a sad example of what the Warrior could achieve on his best day.

9. The Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian (Wrestlemania 17)

Mutli-person stunt fests just don’t come as exciting as this. Beginning to end, this was a breathtaking affair, that topped not just their match the year before, but the similarly magnificent TLC match at Summerslam 2000. This second Tables, Ladders, and Chairs effort was a ground-breaking stunt show that topped and stood out from a card that was absolutely loaded. It also introduced the majority of fans to Rhyno, and Spike Dudley, who got involved with the finish, along with still-red-hot Lita. It’s the sort of match that is almost impossible to some up, thanks to the fact that it bursting at the seams with noteworthy action. Favourite moment? Edge’s spear off the top of the ladder. Christ.

Still a ridiculously important match in federation history. Few of us back then had a clue what a ladder match was before “the Boy Toy” locked up with his “Chico”. But we knew it would rule, and it did. It was also appropriate, and epic given the circumstances (both men were running around with Intercontinental gold, one sanctioned, one not), taking the concept of unifying the belts almost literally. This is a match that still stands out today, despite the fact that the ladder match has become more violent, and dangerous, and stunt filled. The impact of this one remains. It would have been even better though if for the finish, instead of catching his foot on the ropes, and getting caught, Michaels worked the spot by trapping his mullet in the ropes. It would have further emphasized the real reason that Ramon walked out the victor.. The litre of oil that he clearly dipped his head in every day before came to work.

7. Steve Austin vs. The Rock (Wrestlemania 17)

What’s not to love about this match? A fantastic back-story. The two most over stars of the era. Great, high impact, believable wrestling (aside from Rock’s selling of the Stunner), and a superb twist ending. Although the immediate build-up prior to this match absolutely sucked (who gave a crap about Debra and that nonsense?), at least these two had history behind them, and an absolute wealth of main event experience. This match is almost a perfect example of fusing the big “match” (I.e. Lesnar/Angle), with sports entertainment (Rock/Hogan). The two offered a superior mixture of what each had brought to the main event scene in the company over the previous three years and had the Texas crowd whipped into an insatiable delirium. I had no interest in this bout going in, but coming out, I was blown away.

Ahh, easily the most anticipated bout on the card, as former WCW great, Ric Flair, made his first Wrestlemania appearance, and of course, was the champion. But why bother booking the encounter fans had waited a decade to see, Hogan/Flair? Instead, they went with Savage. But this wasn’t necessarily to be a problem, as Savage was a much superior performer, and had the potential to have a truly classic tussle with The Nature Boy. And he did. Frustratingly though, the match took place mid-way through a lop-sided Mania, that saw all the quality shoved on the first half of the card. Still, take nothing away from this, from the moment Savage came to the squared circle in an eye-catching gold outfit, this was, well, gold. Having dragged the lovely Elizabeth into the storyline, the heat was off the charts, and both competitors were able to equal expectations. Yes, like many’s an early nineties title match, the finish was by no means great, but what had preceded it was so god that few cared. And on this occasion, when Randy raised the gold, there was no shiny-headed glory-hogger stealing the limelight. Also worth watching for a young Shane McMahon’s awkward appearance as one the nineties nameless suits.

Somehow, this match receives negative comments from some folk. Insane? I would have thought so. I can only imagine how spoiled and cynical one must be to not enjoy the simple brilliance of these two throughout this encounter. Some claim that this featured two has-beens, battling over who cleans their bed pan. I disagree. Slowly, dramatically, and expectedly told, this is slow-burner that sucks you in, before exploding in a titanic wave of excitement. Just like a Double-dip.

Five years ago, when this appeared on the horizon, I may have shat my pants. Back in the days when it was still acceptable to actually defecate in one’s undergarments (no- not the eighties, the days of being a young ‘un), Shawn Michaels was perhaps my favourite superstar. Maybe it was the eye-watering mullet. Maybe it was the spew-inducing heart-shaped glasses. Maybe it the way in which he pulled his tights up just a little too far, so they covered his belly button. Whatever it was, something clicked with HBK. Flash-forward to 2003, and Jericho. If I wasn’t so damn lazy, I could have concurred with Y2J when he informed us that he patterned himself about The Heartbreak kid in his career. I also would have gathered huge inspiration from the “king of the World”, because Chris Jericho was astonishing at his peak. At first, I was severely disappointed when the long-held grudge between Booker T and Y2J was chucked on TV for free, instead of being saved for the big show, but my appetite was soon filled. This was a dream match for myself, and I’m sure for a whole generation. The result was absolutely spine-tingling, following several months of absolutely breathtakingly good storytelling. I don’t recall them getting this feud wrong at any point, it was that good. On the night, both men were equal to the task, with Michaels incomparably rejuvenated, and Jericho emerged elevated (As usual though with poor Chris, it was the follow feud that set him back).

Sometimes you just can’t beat two brothers going out there and you know, wrestling. That’s what these two did in the opening match at Wrestlemania 10, in MSG., in front of a respectful crowd who knew real wrestling when they saw it. The two traded all manner of holds and maneuvers, expressing a deep knowledge of wrestling beyond most of the remainder of the roster combined. Looking back at this match today, there’s stuff in here that is still amazing even now, as the two roamed freely, encompassing their Japanese experience, their Canadian backgrounds, with a little Mexican high-flying, and Bret’s almost British technicalities. This is a fine example of what you can do when you take two men who are over, who have great character, and unparalleled in-ring ability, and mash it up with a genuinely special angle. Owen was jealous of his brother. Bret was forced to teach him a lesson. Simple stuff. And that’s pretty much all you can say about this match. Rarely in his career was their a moment that Bret was prouder than this, his little brother’s finest hour.

2. Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin (Wrestlemania 13)

You already know why this match is so great. And if you don’t, go watch it now.

1. Triple H vs. Chris Benoit vs. Shawn Michaels (Wrestlemania 20)

It took twenty years, but finally, the main event of the year’s biggest show, became the best Wrestlemania match of all time. This match rocked. Trading on the real-life fear everyone had that Hunter would retain the title, these three assembled a masterpiece. See, at the time, Hunter was still giving folks the impression that he wouldn’t be seen dead standing more than two feet away from the main event. A lot of people felt he was stale. Chris Benoit meanwhile, had arrived at this moment following a near twenty year journey. Main eventing the biggest show of all time doesn’t happen often for men of his stature, thus it was crucial they book this correctly to make the most of the opportunity. Kayfabe blurred with reality, and many felt that Benoit had to win this match, because if he didn’t, he would never again come so close. But in a fascinating development, HBK was added to the onslaught, which sealed the deal for a lot of people, who felt this gave Trips his out to walk away with the belt. Triple H will pin Shawn Michaels, they said. This seemed cynical, yet possible. Benoit, in his big effort, wouldn’t have to deal with a career-numbing loss (like Booker the year prior), but the WWE wouldn’t have to deal with someone they didn’t want as WWE Champion. Then again, if they felt they needed the feel good moment, the strap could go to HBK, and this, for many was even worse, because yep, Hunter could lose the belt without having to lose. The most awful scenario though was probably that Benoit would beat Michaels, a certain momentum destroyer. Imagine getting to that big moment, and winning the belt by beating, the other guy. Not glamorous, is it? Thus, when we arrived at his encounter, everyone was on the edge of their seats. And all three delivered, going that extra mile to deliver a superb, deeply rich battle, full of technical action, keen psychology, blood, big spots, invention, and unpredictability. And then it came, Benoit won the match, cleanly, by making Hunter tap out. At the time, I actually growled and leapt from my seat with joy. It was that good. And the moment that followed, with Eddie and Chris in the centre of the ring, was arguably even more special.

A rare occasion in which what deserved to happen, what the fans wanted, what happened naturally, what grew organically, was allowed to blossom. A fantastic achievement.

Thank for reading this gibbering rant. It probably made less sense than usual. I hope it was at least as entertaining as a DX knob joke, and more thought-provoking than Monty Sopp’s tights. If you have any comments/questions/queries/or anything to say, get in touch at bazilalfonso@hotmail.com, whether you agree/disagree/hate me, or whatever if may be, I welcome all correspondence. I have also finally got on My Space! So slabber to me at www.myspace.com/michaelwrestlingetc