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Another calendar year is coming to a close, and it is time for this Santa's Little Helper to make out his Christmas wish list for the superstars of World Wrestling Entertainment.  Due to the large number of wishes, I will be going by their respective brand names.  Some of these will be serious, while others will be more tongue-in-cheek.  We will start today with Raw, and sometime between now and December 25, I will be posting lists for Smackdown and ECW as well. 

 

For John Cena: The removal of all references to bowel movements in his promos.  On his first night back on Raw, Cena cut what I felt was one of his best promos ever.  He did not make any implications about Jericho's sexual orientation or discuss his bathroom habits.  Cena just expressed his love of the business, and his appreciation for the WWE fans plopping down their hard earned money to come to the shows.  Now I know that there are some people that are never going to give the guy a break, but if you let him speak more from the heart, he will stand a better chance of winning at least a few of them over.

 

For Batista: The return of the Man Show so he can be inducted into their Hall of Fame.  We knew about him and Melina, but this past week it came out that he also dated Kelly Kelly.  He got to go out with not only two of the best looking women in WWE, but two of the best looking women in the entire world.  Dave, you are the man!

 

For Shawn Michaels: A way out of this current storyline.  While Shawn Michaels and JBL have both played their parts well, does anyone really believe that HBK is flat broke?

 

For Rey Mysterio: The WWE Intercontinental Title.  A long time ago, winning the WWE Intercontinental Title was a big deal.  In recent years, it has been little more than a prop.  If there is any star on the roster that can restore some semblence of credibility to that belt, it is Mysterio.

 

For C.M. Punk and Kofi Kingston: Some competition.  They have the potential to be a great tag team.  There is just one problem.  Once they finish with Team Priceless, there is nobody else left (unless Cryme Tyme turns heel).

 

For Cryme Tyme: A move to Smackdown.  With the lack of tag teams on Raw, they are in limbo right now. Smackdown has actually tag teams and it just makes good sense to ship them there. 

 

For Goldust and D-Lo Brown: Home movies.  They need one copy to remind themselves of how great they used to be, and another copy to show the current creative staff what they are capable of.  I may be alone in this, but I think they could do so much more with both.

 

For Hardcore Holly: A return to ECW.  His return to Raw via the 2007 draft accomplished nothing.  He was a perfect fit for the ECW brand, and should never have been taken off of it.

 

For Val Venis: A position with WWE Studios.  I just think it would be hilarious for them to produce the Big Valbowski in a late night flick for Cinemax.  He couldn't be any worse than some of those "actors."

 

For Charlie Haas: A chance to actually wrestle.  What gets lost in his current gimmick is that Haas is a really good technical wrestler.  He is among the best on the roster, but never gets to show it.

 

For Jamie Noble:  A return to TV.  He is one of the most entertaining guys on the roster, and doesn't seem to get on Raw anymore.  His size probably has a lot to do with it, which is a shame.  Noble trying to impress various women was the highlight of many of their shows.

 

For Hacksaw Jim Duggan: Retirement.  I really hate to say that, because Duggan is one of my favorite guys.  When was the last time he won a match?  He should do the right thing and fade gracefully into the sunset.

 

For Mickie James: A move to Smackdown.  She's gone as far as she can go on Raw.  A roster switch gives her the opportunity for new opponents like Michelle McCool, Natalya, Maryse, and the hopefully soon to be debuting Gail Kim.

 

For Melina: A clean bill of health.  Melina is one of the best female grapplers in the company, and for the division to prosper she needs to stay active.

 

For Candice Michelle: More Go Daddy.com commercials.  Anything to keep her from stinking up the ring.  How can she have gone this long, and not have someone teach her how to throw a dropkick with both feet?  I feel bad for Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler having to sell her offense as "good."

 

For Kelly Kelly: The courage to say no to Playboy.  I have seen reports saying that she will, and others saying that she turned them down in order to focus on her in-ring training.  I know there are many horndogs that would love to see her as a centerfold, but if she wants to be taken seriously as a wrestler, she needs to stay right where she is.  Kelly has shown some real promise in the ring, and being in her early 20's, she could be a major player in WWE for several years.  Think about this, there is a reason why Trish Stratus and Lita are respected and Candice Michelle, Maria, Ashley Massaro, and Christy Hemme are not.

 

For Chris Jericho: New material.  Jericho is a guy that has been around long enough to be his own man.  Not only have his recent promos all sounded the same, but he even does the same "Ultimate Opportunist" gimmick that Edge does on Smackdown.  This summer he became the hottest heel in the company, and they should build on that.

 

For Randy Orton: A trouble free year.  Since his debut, has the Legend Killer had one year without a screwup?  While he may not be one of Dave Scherer's favorites, the guy does have a huge following.  Orton has the tools to be great, but he keeps having outside-the-ring issues that hold him back.  If he keeps up, you have to think that one of these days, he will run out of second chances.

 

For JBL: A slice of humble pie to go with that knuckle sandwich.  Way to go Joey!

 

For Kane: A direction.  Kane is at a crossroads right now, and they don't really seem to know what to do with him.  He cut a babyface promo on Chris Jericho, but then wrestled as a heel against John Cena.  No matter which they choose, he has been a top guy either way.  Personally, I would not have thrown his match with Cena away for free and with no real buildup.

 

For William Regal: No more strikes.  Though Jeff Hardy's two strike count is more publicly known, Regal has also got two strikes on him.  Given his past history, it is disappointing that he has even one strike.  Regal is one of the most underutilized men in wrestling, but he is getting a chance to help re-establish the Intercontinental Title's importance.  Whether it is Mysterio or Punk, the matches should be good.

 

For Paul Burchill: Copies of the Pirates of the Caribbean DVD's to give to Vince McMahon.  They missed a golden opportunity by having him ditch the Pirate Paul gimmick just prior to the release of the third film of the trilogy, and all because Vince had never heard of it.

 

For Santino Morella: An English Dictionary.  Has anyone ever murdered the English language as much as Santino?

 

For Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, and Manu: A makeover.  They need a look that matches their team name.  When they were tag team champions, Team Priceless should have been coming out for promos dressed in business suits with dark shades, and proclaim themselves to be wrestling royalty because of who their dads were.

 

For Dolph Ziggler: A new name.

 

For Deuce: To be repackaged as himself, James Snuka, the son of the Superfly.  Domino and Cherry have both been released, so it makes no sense for Deuce to be still coming out to their music, and doing the 50's greaser gimmick.  He would be a perfect fit for Team Priceless.

 

For Mike Knox: A trip to the barber shop.  If that hair gets much longer, he's going to go from Bruiser Brody to Cousin Itt.

 

For Beth Phoenix: For people to stop trying to imply that she is really a man.  I could understand when they did it for Chyna and Nicole Bass, but Beth is actually a very attractive lady, and a heck of a wrestler.  She deserves better than this.

 

For Jillian Hall: Laryngitis.  Seriously guys, this gimmick has gone on long enough.  It wasn't that funny when they first did it.  It is even less funny now.

 

For Layla: A spot on "Dancing With the Stars".  She could really make a name for herself if she could win the competition. 

 

For Katie Lea Burchill: A new on-screen partner.  Her pairing with Paul is going nowhere, and he is not even on TV anymore.

 

For Stephanie McMahon Levesque: The knowledge of what makes a good storyline and what makes a bad storyline.  Lesson #1 - The Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho storyline was great.  Anything involving Big Dick Johnson is bad.

 

For Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler: A return to their former partnerships.  While, listening to the four man commentary on Raw, one thing was obvious.  They need to put Ross and Lawler, as well as Cole and Tazz back together again. Cole and Lawler have been in cruise control since the draft, but with J.R. and Tazz on the show, they knew they had to up their games.  Tazz brings out the best in Cole, and Ross brings out the best in Lawler.

 

For RAW: No more three hour shows.  This creative team has a hard enough time figuring out what to do with two hours.  Plus, what good is having the extra hour when a large portion of the fans aren't watching?

 

That concludes the Raw portion.  If you have any ideas for Smackdown or ECW, I'd be willing to listen.  Feedback may be sent to Doug at brownsbros3@yahoo.com.