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Zach's How To Guide: Chapter 8 – Booking the 2009 Royal Rumble
Hey everybody and welcome to the first How To Guide of 2009. Happy new years to all.
Coming up in a few weeks is my favorite wrestling match of the year…picture it with the Howard Finkle voice…"It is now time, for the ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH!" This is the match that elevates talent into main event status and allows superstars time to shine against a variety of opponents. Now for your reading pleasure, allow me to predict how the 2009 Royal Rumble will go down…..
Entrants 1 and 2 have always been solid wrestlers. I would hope that this year, instead of kicking off with their biggest stars, they push two wrestlers who should lead the company in 2009. Therefore, entrant #1 should be a man is one of the most popular on any roster…CM Punk! Entrant #2 should be someone of similar wrestling status who when he enters the ring you know will put on a good show. Let's go for #2 Shelton Benjamin.
Now #3 is always a fun slot. Previous "winners" of the three position were Daniel Puder, Kenny Dykstra, Simon Dean, and Santino Marella. Basically, if you get #3, you should expect to be the first to get tossed out. I predict #3 this year will be the man the worst losing streak since the Detroit Lions, MVP. He gets a quick toss out from Punk in under a minute.
Numbers 4 and 5 are usually always strong stars. Lets have #4 be John Morrison and #5 Finlay, especially after Finlay's lack of showing in last year's rumble. Then we roll on with #6 Chavo Guerrero, #7 Cody Rhodes, #8 Rey Mysterio.
Usually now we get the main eventers enter who last just until the end of the match. Who better to come in at #9 than Chris Jericho, who promptly tosses Finlay. After the main eventer, we need some mid card guys to enter to cool off the fans until the next one enters, so how about #10 The Brian Kendrick, #11 Kofi Kingston, #12 Kane. That main eventer who enters after Kane? #13 The Undertaker. He eliminates Benjamin, Chavo, Cody, and Kane.
Now storylines are also a big part of the Royal Rumble Match. I think at #14 we have Mike Knox who comes in, eliminates Kofi, and goes straight after Rey. Then for the surprise of the night, at #15, we have the return of Evan Bourne who along with Rey eliminates Knox.
Keeping the storyline theme going, Festus enters at 16 followed by The Miz at 17. The Miz brings with him a bell, rings it, and he and Morrison toss Festus out.
Shawn Michaels comes in at 18, followed by HHH at 19, and the two of them promptly toss Miz and Morrison. They then toss out CM Punk, Bourne, and Kendrick.
After The Great Khali enters at 20, besides for the return of Bourne at the PPV, I also expect a certain Samoan Bulldozer to make his return as well. With Umaga at 21, I fully expect him to toss the Undertaker and begin a feud leading to a Wrestlemania match between the two. He then eliminates Khali as well.
Lets bring in Hurricane Helms at 22, Randy Orton at 23, and Manu at 24. With Manu, I figure it could be interesting since he could go head to head with Legacy, and also have an interesting staredown with his doppleganger Umaga.
We then continue marching on with Santino at 25, Mark Henry at 26, R-Truth at 27, and Big Show at 28.
Now, if rumors serve correctly, a masked superstar named Dos Caras should be debuting at the Rumble. Lets slot him in to number 29 and have him eliminate Rey, leading to an interesting feud. (If Dos Caras is a myth of the Spanish wrestling sites…I want to see my man Christian returning in this slot)
Number 30 is always a big superstar who eliminates tons of superstars. This year the last spot goes to the man the WWE loves to push, Vladimir Kozlov.
So, lets skip all the mid eliminations and go down to the final six. The final six should include HHH, HBK, Kozlov, Orton, Jericho and Big Show. I say Kozlov eliminates Big Show, HBK eliminates Jericho and HHH eliminates Kozlov. While DX do their chops, HBK superkicks HHH out of the ring, leaving them down to HBK and Orton. Seeing how popular the storyline is now, I would have JBL come out and order HBK to give him his spot in the match as one of the last two remaining. While they argue, the Legend Killer sneaks up behind Michaels and eliminates him, leading to the first heel winner of the Royal Rumble in quite some time.
Order of Entry - Eliminated by
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Stay tuned for next week's column…How To Solve TNA's Suicide Dilemma
