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If I were a WWE shareholder and I had heard what was said on that call about making new stars, then decided to sit down and watch RAW (the flagship show of the company I was investing in) last night.....I would be furious!

 

I know, McMahon and his crew keep saying "Suspend Disbelief", "It's a story", "it's not reality", blah blah blah.  Last night's show does not make me think it's not reality....it makes me think the performers and writers are stupid....or just think the audience is really, REALLY dumb.  There were only a few things on last night's show that make me think any of those folks have half a brain.  Cena never taking his eyes off Big Show during his match with Miz is a detail that needs to be focused on.  The announcers never mentioning that the reason he was doing that is because Big Show has blindsided him several times was dumb.  Where is the storyline development?  Why did Big Show attack Cena in the first place at Backlash?  Because he messed up his chances with Vickie?  Are Edge and Vickie still "married"?  Why would he help his lover's husband beat the guy that was making fun of the whole triangle?  Do the backstories ever even get discussed in WWE creative meetings?  Does the idea of "WHY?!?" EVER come up?  "Why are we gonna do this?"  Let's explain that to the audience for once.  Then here's a new concept, pick a story and follow through with it.  What's the conflict, where's the resolution?  Put finality to stories before just moving on as if it never happened.

 

I'm gonna take one night of storytelling and ask how WWE is planning on selling the PPV, T-Shirts or increasing ticket sales at live events from this:  Orton calls out Batista (this is the main event of the PPV folks) and asks him to join Legacy and be his lackey.  Batista says no and gets put into a match with Rhodes/DiBiase.  Why?  Don't get me started on how deep WWE has buried Rhodes/DiBiase.  Did they piss someone off?  Orton has been in the past 3 PPV main events and predominant roles in the last 5.  Every month, DiBiase/Rhodes are the guys that get sent in to get slaughtered 2 ON 1!!!!!  That's right, these guys are supposed to be the "most elite group in WWE" and can't beat 1 wrestler in handicap matches 4 MONTHS IN A ROW!!!!  They are getting beat down left and right each week by HHH, Shane & Batista.

 

Now, on the plus side of last night, Batista taking out Rhodes & DiBiase before the match, then just wailing away on Orton 6 days before their big match was brilliant.  I didn't have to suspend disbelief (well I did when Orton predicted that Batista would take out DiBiase before it happened).  So Batista is out there about to break one of Orton's ankles and then the dumbest ending in RAW history occurred.  The 2 guys that were beat up earlier, that couldn't make it to the match that started 5 minutes ago and Orton had to go it alone.....miraculously both get up and are RUNNING to the ring and wailing away on Batista.....they were laid out and couldn't compete in a match and now they are running.  Then Orton, who was writhing in pain, grabbing his ankles seconds before, jumps up and is standing just fine waiting to RKO Batista.......but when he gets thrown off, he goes right back to the floor and is holding his ankles again.  BUT TO TOP IT ALL OFF.......Batista grabs the steps and throws them at Orton, misses (of course) and stands in the ring screaming for Orton to "Come On" like he's gonna limp back to the ring......in reality, the guy that had that much of a brain before in taking out the gang would've just walked out there and started pounding on him again.....but the show was about to go off the air so they needed to do something to leave you hanging.....right?  Suspend disbelief?  A 4 year old mentally handicapped child is sitting at home asking Daddy "Why doesn't Batista just go get him?"

 

Suspend disbelief?!?!.....the main event of the PPV that I could've originally cared less about started to actually get intriguing when I actually thought Dave might have a chance to win the belt on Sunday if he takes Orton out tonight....then it all went downhill and they took me back to thinking everyone who writes the show can't add 2+2 and get 4.  I've called Vegas and my money is on Orton sneaking a win out with Legacy's help.  You know why?  Because WWE is that predictable.  Next month though, well, um....they'll have a rematch and this time it'll have a stipulation!  Like Last Man Standing, Falls Count Anywhere, Cage or something.....and we will get 4 more weeks of ridiculous build up.  Then someone will screw someone over and turn heel and they will start feuding.  Who cares if it doesn't make sense.....these fans are idiots!  They'll watch anything we throw at them.  Remember Mae Young birthing the hand?  Katie Vick?

 

OK, I have to be fair.  Burnout can come to anyone.  Maybe they don't realize how predictable the shows have gotten.  BUT, if WWE could answer a few simple questions, I'd be less reluctant to call them out on bad writing:

 

1. If Vickie started as an assistant on SmackDown, then got promoted to GM of SmackDown, then got moved to being GM on RAW, you are proving by promotion of employees in business that RAW is the "A" show and SmackDown is the "B" show.  Why don't you just admit it and book accordingly?  Suspend disbelief that the live show is equal to the taped shows?  Why doesn't Vince ever show up on SmackDown?  Why did Teddy Long get demoted to ECW only to get re-promoted back to SmackDown once Vickie got promoted to RAW?  If Tommy Dreamer gets the ECW GM job and does great at it, does he get promoted to SmackDown and Teddy gets the demotion back to ECW again?

2. What role does Chavo have?  Is he Vickie's assistant?  Did they ever say that on TV and I missed it?  He made a match last night on her behalf, right?  Is he still an active wrestler pursuing titles?

 

3.  Is everyone retarded when it comes to Santina?  Could Chavo really not rip the wig off if he wanted to?  This whole thing is lame....if Santino ever wants to be seen as a real competitor, he can't......HHH, HBK, Undertaker, Austin, Rock, Hogan, Edge, Angle.....all stars today, never dressed like a woman on TV.

 

4.  Are they trying to make Miz's character come off as Rock wannabe?  Or is he doing this on his own?  I'm having trouble distinguishing between what is his character that just makes me want to change the channel and what is really him.  It's not that I want to watch him get beat up.....I'm not intrigued by some punk that thinks he's something big that he's not and calling himself a chick magnet....that's the guy that comes to the bar alone, boasts all night and the girls call him "that creepy guy" and then he goes home alone....at least before, he had Morrison to be funny with.  You don't want to watch him get his ass kicked, you want him to leave you alone.

 

5.  MVP steps up to the main event level 2 weeks ago, which was cool.....now he's back to a filler tag team match this week.  Speaking of last night's matches.  A Diva tag team match that meant nothing, a midcard tag team match that meant nothing to the US title picture but the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS don't get a tag team match?  They don't even get to be on TV together.....Carlito came out solo and then lost to Kendrick and Kendrick announces he's looking for a partner.  Let's go ahead and put this out there right now.  It better be Noble.  Kendrick is funny in this Pillman-esque role as the crazy underdog.  Noble is hilarious when given the opportunity.  Both are of the same stature and can work a crowd with their words.  PLEASE let them be a team and help each other get over.  Give some guys that aren't Mike Knox/Kozlov size a chance.  We've proven that Knox & Kozlov are not gonna get over, just like Snitsky before him, etc.

 

6.  Is it just me or do you groan when the Divas come on now too?  I mean, they used to wear less clothes and were halfway entertaining in the late 90s and early 2000s....but now?  They all wear similiar outfits and attempt to wrestle, which would be fine if their wrestling was fluid.....and they had any kind of storyline whatsoever.  Why should I care who is the champion?  Oh, do anyone of them have unique moves?  Or is it all generic 1980s Nintendo wrestling?  Maryse goes for a DDT but Mickie hits her with a DDT and wins.

 

7.  SmackDown and ECW are not exempt.  Do you want to know why WWE can't create new stars?  They don't care enough to try to develop anyone that doesn't have name value already.  Dolph Ziggler still tells us his name....is that because he's so forgettable?  Curt Hawkins....they don't even care enough to update his WWE.com profile since he split from Ryder.  Ryder's profile just shows pictures of him in his new headband....is that his new gimmick?  Because that worked so well for Kenny Dyskstra right?  We just thought we'd rehash it with someone else...  You know why Umaga got over huge at the beginning?  Because Samoa Joe (the Samoan Submission Machine) was getting over huge in TNA at the time and WWE stole the idea and made Umaga (the Samoan Bulldozer).....just like they did with Demolition during the Road Warriors days.  If we can't sign the real deal, we'll copycat.....  Explain to me what has been done to TRY to give the following performers a fighting chance and have SOME personality:  DH Smith, DJ Gabriel, Ezekiel Jackson, Paul Burchill, Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins, Dolph Ziggler, Jesse, Mike Knox, Sim Snuka.  Each one of these guys come across on television as being generic.  Not one person listed above will sell a t-shirt or be on a PPV in the next few months and it's not all their fault.  They have been given absolutely nothing to work with.  Paul Burchill has been given the most mic time of all of them, which is sad.  Ziggler is 2nd which is sadder.  Have those above pissed anyone off and they are being punished and I don't know about it?!?

 

Overall, Wrestlemania was a flop of a show and they have done much better in past years.  WCW is dead and I hate that.  ECW is dead and they should just change the name of that show to something else.  3 Brands is a joke.  There is too much confusion between the touring groups that it's hard to follow.  All the titles?  Well, if I can't beat Orton for the WWE title, I can just go to SmackDown and win the World Title there or vice versa.....know how many people in WWE have held one of the 3 World Titles before?  Take a guess?  22 different male superstars on the current rosters have been champions (counting Vince McMahon).  Know how many male wrestlers there are in WWE?  64 (counting Vince & Shane).  Yep, 1/3 of the male wrestlers in WWE have held the World, WWE or ECW championship (ok, I counted Tommy Dreamer even though he didn't technically win the WWE version of the ECW title, but it still counts!)

 

To finish my rant, I really do want the WWE to succeed.  I do, I really do.  I hate that the company I have grown up watching is doing so poorly.  Hey that is what Vince said "Fair to poor in the first quarter", right?!?  Well, it's time to start winning at something and the best place to start is take some risks on trying new things with your athletes.  Where are the factions?  Where are the tag teams?  How about some genuine feuding over the second-tier belts?  On SmackDown, two former World Champions are feuding over the IC belt.....why?  Do either of those guys need a belt to get their program over?

 

Need I say more, really?  I'm begging you WWE, drastic change is needed.  NOW!

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