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UFC ULTIMATE FIGHTER TV REPORT

By Mark Carpowich on 5/21/2009 9:10 AM

Let’s face it – without stupid decisions, there would be no such thing as The Ultimate Fighter. Whether it was Noah Inhofer leaving the show to please his girlfriend, Kristian Rothaemel refusing to fight Michael Bisping, Jeremy Jackson jumping a wall to meet a girl, Matt Arroyo stepping down from a semifinal fight on account of a phantom rib injury, or Jesse Taylor making a drunken scene at a Las Vegas casino, this show is all about blown chances. Tonight, welterweight Jason Pierce appears on the verge of joining this infamous group. Will he get his head together and represent his team and country…or, is he one step closer to becoming just another former UFC contender?

We start this week’s episode at the UFC Training Center, where we learn that Jason’s foot injury – initially described as broken blood vessels – has now evolved into a full-blown staph infection. As coach Dan Henderson checks out Jason’s swollen ankle and foot, Jason tells us his fears of not getting to train properly…of having to fight with a serious injury…of having his foot amputated? Easy on the drama, DeNiro. If someone is going to cut someone off, why can’t it be this whiner’s microphone?

Jason’s attitude may be enough to make his teammates gag, but for Team U.K.’s David Faulkner, the culprit is his mouthpiece. David tells us that wearing a mouthpiece is almost impossible for him, because it activates his gag reflex. Claiming to be a scientific anomaly not understood by doctors or dentists – wait, the British have dentists? – David says his condition is a huge distraction when he fights. Coach Michael Bisping is worried about it becoming an issue on fight day, and advises him to try to block it out.

As Team U.K. takes up residence at the gym, Team U.S. has moved its workout outside. Henderson explains that he wanted to shake up his team’s routine, so he has organized a game of ultimate frisbee. The game’s fun competition and cardio workout are a great motivator for everyone…everyone, that is, except for Jason, who is feeling weak from whatever medications he is now taking for his infected leg. Henderson isn’t feeling too sympathetic, however, claiming that Jason’s poor attitude is more of a hindrance right now than his medical condition. Though he tells his coaches that he hasn’t trained in several days and may not be ready to compete, Jason lets viewers know that he will not quit the show, and will only stop fighting when he has been incapacitated.

Back at the house, Team U.S. appears less concerned with avoiding Jason’s contagious staph infection, and more concerned with avoiding his contagious bad attitude. Teammate Santino Defranco says that Jason is a turncoat and only socializes with Team U.K. fighters. He adds that Jason is “grumpy 80 percent of the time,” and consistently eats his teammates’ food. Frank Lester is angry, and tells Santino that he’s tempted to “punch Pierce in the face.” Jeez, didn’t this guy drop the whole “I want to punch out my housemates” after losing his fight? Apparently not, as Frank adds that “I want him to die.” Yeah, because what better way to complain about a teammate’s lack of camaraderie than to wish death upon him?

It’s time to announce tonight’s fight, and for the second week in a row, the build to Jason-David has been a tease: Instead, we learn that lightweight Jason Dent will take on Team U.K.’s Jeff Lawson. Henderson thinks it will be a good matchup that will be more strategy than brawl; Bisping also feels good about the fight, predicting an easy takedown and quick submission victory for Jeff.

Now that Jason P. is out of the fight picture for another week, we can move away from Santino complaining about Jason’s annoying habits. Instead, we can hear Santino complaining about Jason’s annoying habits. This time, though, it’s Jason Dent. Santino says that Jason D. is a fidgety, nervous guy who puts his teammates on edge. Pretty ironic, coming from a guy speaking a hundred miles an hour. Damarques Johnson thinks Jason will come to regret not being more socially involved in the house. Somehow I doubt that.

At the gym, Henderson says Jason D. is technically strong in many areas, but is also bullheaded and doesn’t want to work to improve his weaknesses. I still don’t understand why an up-and-coming fighter would even question the advice of a former world champion’s advice, but this isn’t the first time we’ve seen fighters eschew their coaches’ recommendations. Rather than pull a Ken Shamrock and take it all personally, Henderson writes it off as a case of Jason simply being difficult to coach, and says he can do nothing more than hope that his failure to take direction doesn’t carry into the fight.

While Jason has become increasingly alienated while living in the house, Jeff finds himself being more outgoing as time goes by. Having started off being introverted, Jeff has now taken to performing comedy in a rubber mask for easily entertained teammates. This isn’t the end of the silly costumes, however, as he and David don pro-wrestling attire and compete in a match inside the house.

Jeff’s affinity for scripted combat isn’t limited to pro-wrestling, however – he also says he has a blow-by-blow plan for his fight. As his awestruck teammates discuss the 21 fights he has won by armbar, Jeff lets us know that his not-so-secret intention is to get Jason to the ground, then armbar him. Jeez, and Henderson thinks his guy is one-dimensional and not open to suggestions for alternative strategies. Jeff admits that his physique is not the most impressive in the house, but says there is no way he will lose to Jason.

Team U.K.’s athletes aren’t the only ones who can have fun at the house. Inside the kitchen, Frank is mowing through a container of ice cream, bragging that since his loss a couple of weeks ago, he has ballooned to 200 pounds. In addition to being unhealthy, it’s also crazy – given this show’s history of eliminated fighters getting another chance to compete when a teammate goes down, why would anyone allow himself to get 30 pounds overweight?

It’s fight day, and even though Jason D. should be the focus of his coach’s attention, Henderson instead accompanies Jason P. to a meeting with UFC president Dana White. Dana wants to know whether Jason even wants to compete, and though Jason says he does, Dana doesn’t believe him. Henderson agrees, saying that someone who wants to fight shouldn’t admit to being in pain.

Speaking of fighting, Jason D. and Jeff are in the octagon and ready to go. The fight starts, and both guys are tentative about engaging. So much for Jeff’s plan to rush in with punches, then go for a takedown. Instead, he throws and misses a wild head kick. For the next minute or so, both guys exchange the occasional leg kick before Jeff finally attempts to throw Jason. The fight goes to the ground, with Jeff struggling for a kneebar before finally releasing and ending up in half guard. Jason maneuvers him into full guard, where both guys pretty much ride out the remainder of the first round. Aside from the occasional flurry from the top, Jeff inflicts very little damage on Jason, who scrambles out just as the round ends. Rather than give into temptation and call the first round boring, I’m going to just assume that both fighters are conserving their energy for round 2.

Somehow, in spite of the relative lack of action thus far, Jeff appears to be totally gassed as the second round starts. A flat-footed Jeff stands in front of Jason with his hands down, yet musters the energy to run (not shoot) in for a takedown attempt that Jason has no problem stuffing. After a second failed attempt, Jeff pulls off a nice sweep and goes for another kneebar, which Jason fights out of. Though they return to their feet, another failed takedown attempt by Jeff results in him falling into an anaconda choke. Jeff taps, and Team U.S. closes the gap to 4-3.

Afterward, as Jason D. celebrates a victory that Dana calls “far, far, far from impressive,” Jason P. is summoned to meet with Dana. After having thought about their previous conversation, Dana has decided that Jason will not be competing next week. Dana says that Jason is not mentally prepared to fight, and while his coach agrees, Jason feigns disappointment over the blown opportunity. Looks like we’ll need a previously eliminated welterweight to step up next week. Hey Frank, how quickly can you drop 30 pounds?

Random thoughts:

When Jason developed a staph infection, why didn’t he spray Lysol around himself?

I know Jason’s infection was in his leg, but didn’t his back look pretty messed up as well?

Was David really sporting a blue goatee?

How has David made it this far in MMA without being able to hold a mouthpiece in place?

At the ultimate frisbee game, was Jason on his way to a Unabomber lookalike contest?

I understand why he was sitting out, but what was Cameron’s excuse for not playing?

Did Santino and Frank feel fine about making enchiladas with cheese because they’ve already been eliminated, and don’t need to worry about making weight?

Wasn’t it nice to see that losing a fight (and four teeth) did not affect Frank’s cheery disposition around the house?

Why do the show’s producers feel that the Jason P. storyline is so captivating that they have to keep promoting it in previews, even if it amounts to bait-and-switch?

Why did Henderson say, “Hopefully, we’ll come out on top” in this week’s fight? Shouldn’t we just assume that he wants to win?

After hearing his teammates complain about Jason P.’s aloofness, how ironic was it to hear Jason D. express his desire for more alone time?

And what was more ironic: that, or hearing Santino complain about someone being antsy and fidgety when he apparently regularly hangs out with ADD patient Frank?

When Damarques criticized Jason D.’s lack of social skills, was he forgetting about his own run-ins with teammates?

Even if Jason was stubborn as a student, wouldn’t being outstruck by Rob Browning be motivation enough to work on improving his standup?

As frustrated as Henderson was trying to coach Jason, wasn’t it better than having to coach Rob, which would have been the case had Jason lost their elimination bout?

Did Team U.K. think Jeff’s comedy bit with the rubber mask was really that funny?

How out of place did Jason Pierce look, sitting and laughing with the Brits?

Why did they let him hang around with them, but castigated Rob for trying to do the same thing?

Why are the housemates deprived of TV, books and magazines, yet have access to lucha-libre masks and mesh T-shirts?

When Jeff accused Jason of going crazy and “losing it in the house,” shouldn’t someone have reminded him that Jason wasn’t the one hopping around in a rubber mask and elephant ears?

Do Jason’s steely eyes remind anyone else of Chuck Liddell?

Even though it was Jason and Jeff’s fight day, did you see the “Richie Whitson” sign on the door when Jason P. went to see Dana?

Why did Jason P. bother referring to Dana as “Mr. White,” when he had already disrespected him by wearing a hood during their talk and dropping at least one F-bomb?

When “Inside the Octagon” didn’t air before the fight started, wasn’t it easy to figure out that the fight would be going past the first round?

Considering referee Herb Dean’s history of standing up fighters who aren’t advancing on the ground, was anyone else surprised to see him let the first round go without much action?

During the second round, was that a supposedly exhausted Jason P. furiously shadowboxing outside the octagon?

And why would he claim to be weak and tired, yet have the energy to literally pick up Jason D. after the fight?

Wow, did I really see a guy with 15 pro bouts stop and bend over to catch his breath during a fight?

If Jeff doesn’t “give a sh*t about losing,” shouldn’t he consider finding a new line of work?

Mark Carpowich can be contacted at markcarpowich@hotmail.com.