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SOUTHERN ALL STAR WRESTLING TV REPORT

Showtime All-Star Wrestling
Airing May 30, 2009
Taped at the SAW Mill in Millersville, Tn

This week’s episode opened with A-Team in a jovial mood as they arrived at the Sizzler to celebrate the BRAZEN attack that rid SAW of Chase Stevens and Flash Flanagan. Paul Adams said he was glad the SAW cameras could join them to find out how the other half lives. The front door is locked. The parking lot is deserted. But their denial is strong. They can’t believe the place is closed. Adams said he could see a for lease sign. “That doesn’t say for lease. That’s Mexican for back door. I’ll be right back,” said Young. Adam and the other members of A-Team gloated about the demise of Stevens and Flanagan. “It took some bats. It took some pipes. But we go the job done, so there’s no way, NO WAY they’re coming back,” said Douglas. Young returned with the bad news that the Sizzler was history. Adams suggested the taco shop for their celebration. Young said he couldn’t handle another case of “Nacho-rhea.”

Cut to Michael Graham and Reno Riggins (wearing a goofy panama hat) at ringside of a packed SAW Mill. Flanagan and Stevens were absent and there careers might be over, but two members of the A-Team would be in action. Graham revealed Derrick King’s newest acquisition is named Big Dollar. Stay tuned for news on the contract negotiations for the barbed wire match between Marc Anthony and Gary Valiant.

1 – SAW Tag Team Title Match: Champions DREW HASKINS & L.T. FALK vs. DERRICK KING & J.T. STAHR (with Big Dollar & Sista O”Feelyah)

Graham said there was a lot of vitriol in the ring. I love that word. Crowd hot for LT. King asks the ref to check him. The crowd got on King for stalling. LT egged them on. The champions showed their stuff with a ring clearing flurry of offense. LT dominated. He did the headlock/headscissors combo on DKE. King took a stellar face bump on a drop toe hold. Haskins made the first tag of the match (correctly noted by Graham). King gave him a straight right the nose and tagged out. Haskins showed grit staying a step ahead of DKE. Riggins said he didn’t think Haskins would be this good this soon. The tide turned when O’Feelyah dumped Haskins off the top rope. Back from commercial, DKE were beating the crap out of Haskins’ ribs. Reno called it when King delivered the right hand ala Jerry Lawler. Haskins nailed Stahr with a dropkick and it was both men tagging. King bumped big for Falk. Off a blind tag, Stahr broke up a pin with a top rope elbow on Falk. Stahr showed shock when Falk kicked out. Stahr gave Falk a back bodydrop, but Haskins had made a blind tag and caught Stahr from behind with an O’Connor Roll.

WINNER: Haskins & Falk retain SAW Tag Team Championship in 11:10. Totally solid tag match. DKE sold great for the kids.

Dollar jumped on Falk. Beat the hell out him with crossface forearms. Stahr and Dollar destroyed the champions, while King directed traffic. Reno said it reminded him of the LA riots. Dollar’s thing appears to be massive headbutts. Segment ended with the champs laid out and O’Feelyah raising the hands of DKE in triumph.

Official SAW International Title Rankings
Champion – Kid Kash
1. Arrick Andrews
2. David Young (#9 last week)
3. Andy Douglas
4. Jon Michael Worthington (#7 last week)
5. Jesse Emerson (first appearance in the rankings)
6. Flash Flanagan
7. Chase Stevens
8. Chrisjen Hayme
9. Shane Smalls (down from #6 despite winning last week)
10. Rick Santel

2 – RICK SANTEL (with Paul Adams) vs. CHRISJEN HAYME The announce team said Santel was oozing with confidence about his title chances with Flanagan on ice. Hayme held is own against Santel in the chain wrestling department, then baffled Santel with a lucha style arm drag and headscissors. Santel decided to match Hayme with flying moves and ended up giving him a hotshot of sorts. Santel focused his attack on Hayme’s back. Hayme caught Santel with a rolling reverse to start his comeback. He hit a shadow one foot dropkick for a near fall. Santel avoided a missile dropkick from Hayme and hit a back suplex for a close near fall. Santel set up for the Santel Slam, but Hayme had it scouted and laced him with an enzuigiri. Hayme went up top looking for the 450 splash when Shane Smalls dumped him. Santel moved in with his finisher (a modified TKO) for the pin.

WINNER: Santel in 6 minutes after interference by Shane Smalls. It was OK. Definitely lacking the smoothness of Santel/Flanagan.

Riggins announced that the barbed wire match between Anthony and Valiant would not be taking place after all. SAW had a signed contract from Anthony, but Valiant had decided he did not want Anthony in a barbed wire match. Valiant, instead, wanted Raven in any type of match. According to Reno, Raven suggested his specialty and Valiant agreed to it. So for next week’s main event, it’s Raven vs. “Boogie Woogie Boy” Gary Valiant in a Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match.

“I could give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed” – General George S. Patton

“Taps” was playing as the camera panned across the Tennessee State Capitol Building to find Anthony standing on the steps below. Anthony was wearing the uniform of a Confederate officer.

I want you to remember. No fatherless child has ever won a war by dying for his country. He has won the wars by making the other poor fatherless child die for his. And for once, I thought I had a worthy adversary. And for once, I thought someone was going to stand and fight…I see him coming. I see him marching with a purpose that I have never seen before. And as he drew closer, I realize he was holding (heh, heh, heh) this white flag to signify his surrender! And I say to him. I could give a hoot in hell for a man who would rather lose and dance, than stand and fight. That’s why I have never lost a war. That’s why I will never lose a war. For the mere thought, makes me sick. It makes my stomach turn.

“I could give a hoot in hell for a man who would rather lose and dance” - Marc Anthony

TWO WEEKS AGO…Adams was ejected from ringside for interfering in the match between Young and Hammerjack, but sneaked back to interfere again. The result: Young used the hammer to defeat Hammerjack.

3 – “Problem Solver” DAVID YOUNG (with Paul Adams) vs. HAMMERJACK Graham said with Flanagan and Stevens out of the picture, Hammerjack was the biggest problem left for A-Team. Hammerjack made a beeline for Young and started firing punches. It was a back and forth brawling with Young not shy about getting dirty. The action spilled outside. Young smashed Hammer’s head into the fence that hangs on the wall. They each took shots into the post. Hammer was checking for blood as he rolled back into the ring. Hammer shoved the ref out of the way and pounded Young with straight rights. Young kicked him in the jewels. Young choked Hammer with athletic tape while Adams had the ref distracted. The kids at ringside were up in arms about it. Reno said it had turned into a handicap match. Young gave the cut throat gesture and climbed to the middle rope. Hammer came to life, stunning Young with a double chop. Hammer hit the Iconoclasm. In an instant, Adams was up in the ref’s face. Hammer covered and pounded the mat three times. In frustration, Hammer tried to get at Adams, who had the ref mesmerized. Young gave Hammer a piledriver for the pin. “That’s illegal!” yelled Reno.

WINNER: Young in 5:45. An improvement over their first match. Nothing great. It got the job done. It was all about what followed…

Douglas and Santel ambled into the ring in street clothes. Adams walked on Hammerjack’s back. A-Team gave Hammerjack a pair of triple-team spike piledrivers. The show closed with A-Team standing over Hammerjack’s prone body.

CLOSING THOUGHTS: Geez. Did SAW ever finesse the situation with the barbed wire match. It must be a barrel of laughs, doing a big build up for a violent confrontation, and then having the match fall apart before you can deliver. Here you had one of the top babyfaces coming out in Army gear, ready to fight fire with fire, and then he decides he doesn’t want the match? The announce team managed to present a plausible way out of the mess – Boogie decided to blow past Anthony to get to the guy pulling the strings. Now Anthony’s vignette was a burial for sure, but it also served the purpose of positioning Anthony as the legendary insane badass that Boogie refused to fight, which is a terrific place from which to launch the future adventures of his character…On their good days, SAW is to WWE what a quality independent film is to a Hollywood production. On that level, the Anthony vignette was SAW at its best – where I had to marvel at what they were able to produce with such limited resources. Props to all involved in producing it…As for the main event, it’s back to business as usual with A-Team taking out all of the top babyfaces. Hammerjack is over enough that the quality of his matches appears to be largely irrelevant…Interesting choice, not mentioning the out-of-synchness between the tag team champions…The Sizzler segment provided some entertaining buffoonery (although it was a little out of focus)…It can’t be long before Flanagan and Stevens return now that Douglas has said there’s no way their coming back…I like the idea of showing the rankings of the title contenders. Kind of odd that Young jumped seven spots in one week without wrestling on TV. He must have a winning streak going on all those house shows SAW runs...Do my eyes deceive me, or is the refereeing actually improving in SAW?