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SOUTHERN ALL-STAR WRESTLING TV REPORT

Showtime All-Star Wrestling
Airing June 6, 2009
Taped at the SAW Mill in Millersville, Tn

Starting with this episode, SAW TV is now available for viewing at ProWrestlingWorldwide.TV

Opening with a clip of A-Team’s despicable dismantling of Hammerjack. David Young pinned Hammerjack with the banned piledriver. Rick Santel and Andy Douglas joined in for a pair of triple team spike piledrivers.

Cut to Michael Graham and Reno Riggins (wearing another ridiculous hat) at ringside. They had the dial turned all the way to the right for today’s Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match between Raven and “Boogie Woogie Boy” Gary Valiant.

Next up was a killer set of clips showing the history of the war between Valiant and “the strange father and son combination of Raven and Marc Anthony.” This included the infamous sequence in which Anthony locked himself in a closet with Miss Boogie.

Cut to promo by Raven with Anthony at his side. Raven said it was 12 degree weather in the mountains of Tennessee. The sound of the whipping wind could be heard in the background. Anthony looked lobotomized. His eyes were rolling back into his head. His lip was curled. They both looked like they were freezing their asses off.

I enjoy anything that is inclement, anything that is painful, anything that is annoying, I love. And there’s nothing more annoying than hearing someone like Boogie talking about marching across battlefields and declaring victory where victory is not to be had…If you can’t get through the protégé, how can you get through the master?

Raven morphed into a campier and more bizarre version of his usual character and in essence said he was going to destroy Boogie.

1 – Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match: RAVEN vs. “Boogie Woogie Boy” GARY VALIANT

Graham compared the ring to a battlefield. The far side of the ring was fenced in and covered with an assortment of weapons. Weapons were also strung from chains on two sides of the ring. Boogie came to the ring with a look of grim determination. Senior Official Mark Herron banished Marc Anthony from ringside. For openers, Raven bashed Boogie’s skull with a stop sign. Raven grabbed a broom off one of the chains, swept the mat towards Boogie, and jabbed him in the gut with the handle. Raven paused to do the crucifix pose. Boogie fired back with punches. Raven bailed. Valiant followed him out and whacked him with the remnants of a truck grille. Boogie tried to baseball slide the stop sign into Raven’s head. Rave dodged it, but twisted his knee in the process. They battled on the floor. Raven used the truck grille on Boogie. Raven went for a haymaker and punched the brick wall of the SAW Mill when Valiant ducked. Raven sold the hand huge. Graham pointed out that Raven injured both of his hands in their previous match. Back from commercial break, Reno said he had received a text from his dad informing him that the truck grille they were using came off a 1983 E-250 Econoline van. Raven’s knee appeared to giving him major trouble. Raven slung Boogie into the fence and fell on top of him for a two count. Valiant double-legged Raven and applied the figure four. Raven lifted his shoulder just before Herron counted three. Raven reversed the hold and used the ropes for leverage, forcing Valiant to release it. Both men clutching at their knees in agony. Valiant threw an arm across Raven, who put his foot on the bottom rope. Raven sent Valiant head first into the cage again. Valiant reversed a whip and tried for the Boogie Blaster, but Raven shoved him into Herron. With the ref down, Anthony reappeared at ringside. He threw the powder at Valiant, but he ducked and it went into Raven’s eyes. Raven grabbed Valiant and had him set up for the Evenflo, when Miss Boogie crawled into the ring and gave him a low blow. Anthony entered the ring and took the Evenflo from a blinded Raven. Valiant hit the Boogie Blaster on Raven. 1..2..3. Quite a scene with all three men down in the ring. They went to a replay. Valiant put on Anthony’s helmet and did a little dancing for his Boogie Nation.

WINNER: Valiant in 7:33. Based on their previous match, it was about what could be expected. As weapons matches go, this was pretty tame. It still worked to a degree because it had good heat and they both sold everything huge. Boogie set the tone selling the first sign shots big to establish that the weapons inflicted serious damage. The ref bump was bad. Miss Boogie’s low blow was even worse. And why would Anthony use powder of all things?

The A-Team was at ringside with Dan Masters. Paul Adams assured Masters that A-Team hadn’t lost their smiles, they were wearing them. Young said it was so hot in the building; he was sweating like a Nashville girl in church.

Hammerjack…you finally get to stay at home, and you get to watch the kids run around the trailer park, while your mom stands there and holds a cup of water for you with your neck brace on. Hah, Hah. Because “The Problem Solver” did exactly what he is supposed to do, I took care of a problem.

Adams eyes got big and he started screaming like a girl. Chase Stevens and Flash Flanagan sprinted down the ramp. A-Team made themselves scarce. Stevens and Flanagan wanted Rick Santel and Andy Douglas in a match immediately if not sooner.

Sure enough, as the next match was getting underway, Graham announced Steven & Flanagan vs. Santel & Douglas for today’s main event.

2 – JESSE EMERSON vs. JOHN DAVIS

Reno said Davis, a cocky guy with a good physique, reminded him of a young Bart Sawyer. He said they shared a lot of the same “maneurisms.” Emerson displayed sound fundamentals in his offensive attack, as he twice grounded Davis with textbook side headlock takeovers. Reno called Emerson the Bob Backlund of SAW. “I know he’s going to take that in a complimentary way, and I’ll just leave it at that,” said Graham. Davis went to the shortcuts. A charging lariat by Emerson left Davis in a crumpled heap. As Davis rose to his feet, Emerson met him with a dropkick. Emerson followed up with a high knee. Davis blocked a vertical suplex and called for his big move. Emerson reversed it into the Alabama Slam to get the pinfall.

WINNER: Emerson in 3:50. A fine match. Everything Emerson did was right on the money. Davis was good in his role. As a side note, my wife said Emerson’s tiny pants looked like monogrammed underwear.

Emerson was at ringside with Masters. Emerson said John Michael Worthington refused to accept his challenge for a rematch, but he wasn’t done with him yet. Emerson said he had passed his bar exam, and his first act as a lawyer was to remove the injunction Worthington had obtained barring SAW from showing the footage of Worthington as T.J. Harley’s servant.

SIX WEEKS AGO, GLEN FALLS, NY… Harley told Worthington there was lots of work to be done. Worthington said he wasn’t dressed for it. Harley said he had that covered. He made Worthington wear a Homer Simpson top and a pair of geeky Zubaz workout pants from the 90s that were 6 inches too short. “The Road Warriors loved this stuff,” Harley said. Worthington was reaching into the crotch trying to adjust them. Harley reminisced about the weekend he spent on the farm with Rachel (Worthington’s sister). Harley said they f***** in a lot of different places, and was going to let Worthington know when they came across them. T.J. Harley put the blueblood from Bellmeade through his paces. As Worthington was raking hay, Harley was pitching goat pies his Worthington’s back. Worthington was horrified. “They’re treasures. In some cultures, it’s a delicacy,” Harley explained. They cut to Worthington with a bucket telling Harley he milked the cow. Harley broke the bad news. “You didn’t milk Sea Bass did you? That big black bull?” Worthington looked sick. They cut a bathroom scene. Worthington had head in a toilet. He was begging Harley to leave him alone. Harley informed Worthington that he was kneeling in one of the spots where he did it with Rachel. My words can’t do this segment justice.

Back at ringside, Worthington said there was more footage where that came from. He said the challenge was still open.

3 – RICK SANTEL & ANDY DOUGLAS (with Paul Adams) vs. CHASE STEVENS & FLASH FLANAGAN

The good guys hit the ring and the fight was on. Santel was taking a major beating, until Flanagan backed off and started holding his head. Graham said it had to be effects from the concussion Flanagan suffered in the parking lot attack. Douglas dropped Flanagan on his head with a DDT. Then delivered another one. Flanagan managed to roll a shoulder was clearly in a bad way. A-Team continued to attack Flanagan’s concussed head. Reno said the commission needed to take a look at this because Flanagan may have come back too soon. Flanagan made a tag that Herron didn’t see. Back from commercial with the abuse still in progress. Santel nailed Stevens with a cheap shot and tagged out. Douglas hit a hangman neckbreaker and made the world’s laziest cover. Flanagan finally made the tag after Stevens gave Santel a receipt with a shove off the top rope. Douglas was panic-stricken at the sight of Stevens. He laid Douglas out with a DDT. It broke down to four way action. Stevens had Douglas pinned with the fisherman when Young hit the ring for the DQ.

WINNER: Stevens & Flanagan via DQ in 8:45. Not much as a match. However, it worked just fine as an elongated angle. Plenty of heat.

The show close with A-Team administering an unmerciful beating on Stevens and Flanagan, as the crowd chanted in vain for Hammerjack.

CLOSING THOUGHTS: This episode was chock full of entertaining stuff. All of the matches had the kind of heat that makes for good TV. For a gimmicky blow off of a big feud, the Raven/Boogie match was pretty pedestrian, but I wasn’t expecting anything off the charts. The finish tied up all the loose ends, including the resolution of the Miss Boogie mystery. The finish and the way Boogie was put over on commentary would leave one to believe he was in line for another big program. However, my understanding is that is not the case…Emerson is really coming on as a wrestler. Safe to say his ring work is light years ahead of his mic work at this point. That interview was a disaster in the making the way Emerson was stumbling and bumbling through it. Masters did a great job of salvaging the segment. Working Emerson’s law degree into the story was a pretty cool deal…After a rough start, Worthington is turning out to be far better with his acting and talking than I would have believed possible. The servant deal was absolutely hilarious if you don’t mind sophomoric humor…The main event continued to heap heat on A-Team. It got the desired effect with the crowd begging for Hammerjack to make the save. In my book, this episode was the best one since 87, and one worth going out of your way to see.