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I’ll be honest. I watched Raw on delay because it’s been dreadful. Not only has it been dreadful lately (and for some time), but I chose to watch reruns of “Kitchen Nightmares” with Chef Gordon Ramsay on Hulu.com. Ramsay has seen almost two dozen awful kitchens and restaurants since the spinoff’s inception and has done his best to relaunch those places into adequate to successful restaurants. Some have since failed. Some have prospered. I don’t know who the wrestling equivalent to Chef Ramsay is, but WWE needs him to clean up their establishment, and they need him now.
Last night’s RAW was absolutely awful. As far as wrestling quality goes, it was a joke. Nothing stood out as a good match. As far as the segments, or as they probably want them called these days –“skits” – they were as competent as fine dining is to fast food. They were not even close to adequate and nowhere near what could be called successful.
The show was essentially the “Crap on Canada” show and in more ways than one. The guest host spent the entire show crapping on Canada and more or less crapping on next week’s audience by giving them the tired “feudin’ partners can’t coexist” formula for next week. The other way they crapped on Canada was evident in the lackluster planning, booking and execution.
Twelve years ago, getting heat in Canada was easy, and DX was an edgy stable shaking things up and holding up signs reading: Who’s booking this crap?
Today, getting heat in Canada consisted of phony pride and a stale DX that relied on sub-par, B-movie-like skits that reintroduced an icon like Shawn Michaels in campy, lame comedy acts that Saturday Night Live, a true entertainment variety show, wouldn’t print to paper, let alone allow appear on television. Twelve years later and we’re stuck with the sameness of a plate of leftovers. “Who’s booking this crap?” has suddenly become sadly ironic.
For weeks, I have told my brother, Sean, that it was beyond obvious that Michaels would be reluctant, but would eventually see Hunter getting torn to shreds enough by Legacy that he would return to save the day. But I always stressed that it would get dull, stupid and silly. Sean, a free siter, had seemed intrigued that I can put two and two together this last year or so and pre-book some things on these PPVs and TV shows. I guess that’s because they book for kids, and I dumb myself down enough to piece the puzzle together. It’s usually the beer. Well Sean, this is for you: You’re right. I should be booking this show. After all, who in the world didn’t see Calgary Kid being The Miz getting his job back after booking him into oblivion? If I were Miz, I’d be pissed that the best they could come up with was putting me back on the show that doesn’t have the first idea how to use me.
Back to the Michaels segments: How do you take the man who had one of the best matches, if not the best match, in Wrestlemania history and turn him into a Sous Chef for what was presumably Titan Towers with a different outside shot? When The Undertaker returns, will he be handling the drive-thru or will he be relegated to a bus boy position? Not if he returns on Smackdown. Hell, I’d take him returning on the Abraham Washington Show on ECW over a Monday night return.
After battling it out with The Undertaker, it makes sense that Michaels thought he had nothing left in the tank. I get that. But instead of some hard coaxing into a return, Shawn instead is tempted to return to the ring because he can’t handle a horrible cafeteria boss and the “Take You Daughter to Work Day” girl?
I get that DX is a comedy act, but if you’re going to try to revive this tired gimmick, the least you can do is start it off on the right foot, looking strong and meaning business to take care of the guys who have been giving Triple H a hard time for the last six months. Instead, WWE started this relaunch off with their left foot and landed flat on their face.
A lot of people have said that the Jeremy Piven/Dr. Ken RAW was awful. I’m not going to disagree. But those were booked to get attention from Vince McMahon’s “would be” Hollywood mainstream audience. Tonight, with a former wrestler at the helm of guest host, the show was surprisingly worse. We can only hope and pray that Access Hollywood wasn’t watching.
I watch RAW loyally every week, in spite of its massive imperfections. But since watching “Kitchen Nightmares,” it’s hard to ignore the roaches, grease and grime that now infest a show that I was proud to have on my DVR.
And if anyone from WWE is reading this: Thanks. You saved me $40 dollars. But you owe an apology to my DX apologist brother; not for making him miss Summerslam now but for further pissing on something that was once so good and pissing on it as many times as you did. The only apology you owe me is for pissing on RAW. And it will take no more than a public apology on my doorstep from Vince himself if you even dream of touching Smackdown the way you’ve placed your dirty fingerprints on RAW.
Chef Ramsay often closes the kitchen when he sees what a disgrace they are. I think it’s time to close the chapter on RAW’s creative team.
For feedback, comments or questions, please e-mail rpmulloy@comcast.net.
