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Since its 2005 debut, The Ultimate Fighter has played a huge role in bringing the sport of mixed martial arts into popular culture. So for its 10th season, it’s only fitting that a little bit of pop culture comes to The Ultimate Fighter…if you want to consider Kimbo Slice a “little bit†of anything. After watching him underachieve as a main-event fighter in EliteXC and hearing him dismissed as “a joke†by UFC president Dana White, the backyard brawler with a huge cult following has decided that if you can’t beat ’em, you might as well join ’em. For the show’s 10th installment, Kimbo will be joined by 15 other heavyweights, some with legit credentials that will make the competition on this season stiffer than a Seth Petruzelli right jab.
Our premiere episode begins with clips of various UFC heavyweights, a montage that ironically includes a guy who now fights at 205 lbs (Randy Couture). Dana lets us know that the heavyweight division is more exciting than ever, and that this season could bring forth some fresh blood that will make things even more exciting. This season’s cast will include four ex-NFL players, some UFC veterans, a former IFL champion, and Kimbo, described here as “the biggest name ever in streetfighting.†Apparently this announcer has never heard of Season 5 castoff Marlon Sims.
As for our coaches, this season’s teams will be led by former UFC champions Quinton “Rampage†Jackson and Rashad Evans, both of whom (according to the voiceover) have put legitimate title shots on hold to fight each other at the end of the season. Really? Rashad’s last fight was a knockout loss, yet he’s putting aside a title shot for this show? Yeah, OK. Prior to the fighters’ arrival, the coaches are sitting around the UFC Training Center, and already the trash-talk is in full swing. Rampage starts by asking Rashad why he interrupted his UFC 96 victory speech, which Rashad answers by admitting that the UFC “told me to do a faceoff with you. They told me to!†Well, so much for the company’s slogan, “The UFC: As Real As It Gets.†Rashad brags about having only one loss on his record; Rampage responds by saying Rashad has fought tomato cans. In the middle of the back-and-forth, the fighters begin to trickle into the room.
We meet several of them right away, including Roy “Big Country†Nelson (ex-IFL champ), Wes Shivers (ex-NFL player) and Marcus Jones (ex-first-round NFL draft pick). Wow, lots of “ex†in these descriptions. After greeting the fighters, Rashad and Rampage turn their attention back to each other, with Rampage making fun of Rashad’s facial expressions during his KO loss to Lyoto Machida, and Rashad claiming that Rampage mentally broke during his Pride-era fight with Mauricio “Shogun†Rua. Dana tells them to knock it off, since we’re ready to get formally started.
After the fighters assemble on the mat, Dana immediately addresses why there are only 15 guys, instead of 16. Here’s a better idea – how about you let us know why there are 15 guys, instead of 32. Oh sorry, would that require you to admit that the guys don’t have to fight their way into the house, since it’s the only way to guarantee that Kimbo will be with us all season? Anyway, Dana says one more fighter will be joining them, and it’s a heavyweight whom he personally has bad-mouthed for years. Cool, Fedor is on TUF?
Of course, as we all know by now, Kimbo is the 16th man, and he walks into the gym through a separate door. Apparently neither the coaches nor the fighters knew he would be there, and right away the grumbling starts. A couple of guys start whispering – yes, whispering – things like “f*ck him,†and former NFLer Brendan Schaub says Kimbo is a marked man. Why, because he’s a weekend-warrior mixed-martial artist? Yeah, because an ex football player isn’t a carpetbagger in this sport. Kimbo says it’s an honor to be on the show.
Dana instructs the fighters to change their clothes and get ready to work out. He says that the coaches will evaluate the fighters for two hours, then pick teams. Jeez, wasn’t this formerly an all-day process? Apparently a big fan, Rampage can’t stop talking about his plans to select Kimbo, and even tells him that he doesn’t even need to participate in the evaluations if he doesn’t want to. Rashad, meanwhile, doesn’t seem the least bit worried about potentially missing out on the prospect of coaching Kimbo.
Rashad gets to evaluate the fighters first, and tells us that two of them – James McSweeney and Brendan – are his teammates back home, and will be his main focus during the evaluations. Hey Rashad, since you already know them, wouldn’t it make more sense to focus on the guys you haven’t known for more than 5 minutes? Former NFL player Matt Mitrione says Rashad’s workout was harder than anything he did in the NFL. I’m guessing Matt Mitrione didn’t see a lot of playing time in his day.
Rampage elects to have the guys go full contact during his evaluations, since he wants to see how they look in a combat environment. Instead of evaluating their skills, however, Rampage seems more concerned with evaluating their lack of muscle tone. He refers to Big Country as “Big Belly,†then spends several minutes mocking the “titties†of Darrill Schoonover. Not surprisingly, Rampage offers no criticism of Kimbo’s less-than-stellar abs, but does praise his standup skill.
After the evaluations, Dana unveils the ceremonial TUF coin that will determine who will get to choose either the first fighter, or the first two matchups. Dana adds that the coin is worth more money than most of these guys will ever make in this sport. OK, not really. Rashad wins the toss, and chooses his real-life teammate James. Rampage surprises no one by selecting Kimbo. Later, he also picks UFC veteran Wes Sims, who is best known for a pair of losses – one by DQ, one by KO – against Frank Mir about six years ago. Right away, Sims starts acting like Junie Browning, Jeremy May and Matthew Riddle all rolled into one ball of annoyance. Roy Nelson is among the last fighters chosen, and joins Team Rashad. Zak Jensen is picked last. Then again, so was Luke Cummo. As is tradition, each coach insists that he has ended up with the better team.
It’s time to move into the house, and right away Kimbo finds a room that he likes so much, he calls “dabs.†Hey, I’m not going to be the one to tell him that it’s actually “dibs.†Kimbo realizes he is a target, and sure enough, we overhear a couple of fighters talking about the possibility that Kimbo will be taken out by some 21-year-old novice.
After a commercial break, we return to the UFC Training Center, where Rashad is roaming alone and looking around all nostalgically. He says that, as the winner of Season 2, the TUF experience has now come full circle for him. Actually, if you want to talk about TUF coming full circle, ask Kimbo about competing today on the show that in 2005 produced Seth Petruzelli. After Rashad’s squad trains, Team Rampage takes over the gym, and puts his athletes through a cardio workout that some handle better than others. Marcus has a particularly hard time, and struggles to the point that Rampage worries that he’ll “crap his heart out of his pants.†Cool visual, Rampage – thanks.
It’s time to announce the first fight. I wonder if Dana has “suggested†to Rampage that Kimbo fight first, so that if he loses, Dana can prove to everyone that he was right about him all along. Nope – looks like Abe Wagner will go up against Team Rashad’s top wrestler, Jon Madsen, who regularly trains with some guy named Matt Hughes. Rashad likes the matchup, and says that even though Rampage got to choose this fight, it won’t go his way. Rampage disagrees, and while he admits that Jon will have the edge in wrestling, he says that Abe has a good ground game. Rampage predicts that he will end up in a club celebrating Abe’s win, then mumbles and stammers over a bunch of words that sound like he’s already started partying.
It’s time to fight, and Jon is all business. As they prepare for the bout to begin, Abe signals his offer to touch gloves, but Jon ignores him. Abe acts all insulted, but Rampage tells him that the only thing his gloves should be touching is Jon’s face. The referee starts the fight, and Jon extends his hand anyway. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Jon takes Abe down immediately, and after landing some good shots on the ground, blankets him for about a minute. Suddenly Jon starts unleashing some more shots, including a few big elbows that open up a nasty gash over Abe’s right eye. The action slows again, however, with Jon’s corner telling him to posture up and finish. Man, Abe is really bleeding a gusher. The round ends with Jon lying on top, putting forth only slightly more effort than Abe is on the bottom. Abe walks back to his corner, looking like something out of a horror movie.
At the start of round 2, Jon reaches out to touch gloves, but when Abe reciprocates, Jon pearl-harbors him and scores the easy takedown. Rampage admonishes Abe for bothering with the gesture of sportsmanship. Referee Steve Mazzagatti is not as patient with Jon’s lay-and-pray approach as he was in the first round, and stands them up, only to have Jon take Abe right back down. This cycle repeats itself four or five more times, with Rampage getting increasingly agitated. With about :30 left in the round, Abe’s coach has seen enough and storms away. The horn sounds, and a gassed Jon wins a pretty easy victory.
Afterward, Abe appears to have suffered some brain damage during the fight, as he seriously suggests that maybe someone on his team will get hurt, and he will be called in to replace them. Buddy, I’ve got some news for you – Dana is more likely to call Eli Joslin, Noah Inhofer, Gabe Ruediger and Jason Thacker back to the show before he ever lets you step foot in his octagon again.
Random thoughts:
How come the opening montage featured Heath Herring, Randy Couture, Frank Mir and Cheick Kongo – all guys who lost their last fights – instead of recent winners like Mirko Cro Cop and Minotauro Nogueira?
After seeing him interviewed at last month’s Strikeforce event about his MMA aspirations, was anyone else hoping one of the former NFL players would be Herschel Walker?
And considering what happened to the last MMA fighter who touted his NFL background (Johnnie Morton), do these credentials really stand on their own?
Why was Kimbo announced as “the biggest name ever in streetfighting� I mean, can you name even one other famous streetfighter?
Wasn’t it kind of jarring to see Dana wearing a shirt with buttons during his interviews? What, were all his CBGB T-shirts dirty?
When Rashad told Rampage that their UFC 96 faceoff was staged, didn’t it totally expose the manufactured heat between previous seasons’ coaches?
Why does Dana always treat playful banter between the coaches as if they’re on the verge of a brawl?
When Rampage jokingly guessed that the final fighter was Tank Abbott, wouldn’t it have been funny if Dana said, “Well, yeah, pretty much�
Isn’t it ironic that the UFC treats Kimbo like someone who has to earn his place in the sport, yet allows him to report to the show wearing his own model of Tapout T-shirt?
Given that Dana has always made it sound like Kimbo would have to lower himself to TUF if he ever wanted in to the UFC, wasn’t it funny to hear Kimbo say what an honor it was?
Did Dana really think that millions of fans would tune in just to watch him eat some crow regarding Kimbo? Won’t at least some of them tune in to, oh I don’t know, watch Kimbo?
I’m sure Kimbo was flattered by Rampage’s fanboy attitude, but what if he’d actually hoped to train with Rashad?
When Rampage started with the full-contact evaluations, did anyone else have a flashback to Season 1, when a similar drill between Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar left the latter with stitches in his face?
And even though they seemed a little reckless, weren’t the drills actually safer for the athletes than previous seasons’ win-your-way-into-the-house fights?
When Dana talked about how the coaches could maintain control by winning the first two fights, did you immediately cringe at the prospect of Rampage doing his Janet Jackson impression, like he did during Season 7?
And when he didn’t, was your feeling of relief dashed when he broke it out later in the show?.
Why do coaches on this show always select the guys they already know? Wouldn’t allowing them to train with the opposing coach not only broaden that fighter’s knowledge base, but also allow him to scout the opposition when the coaches fight at the end of the season?
Did you notice that, unlike previous seasons, there was no applause during team selections?
Wasn’t it pretty funny when Rampage pretended to select a TUF cameraman over last pick Zak Jensen?
When Zak said that losing his pants in front of the other fighters would have been awkward, did he not know that he’d be living with these guys for six weeks?
Aren’t the quick commentaries during commercial breaks kind of cool?
And speaking of commercial breaks, how horrible does the DVD “Blood and Bone†look?
After seeing this ad, his T-shirt and the show itself, did you know that Kimbo Slice is on The Ultimate Fighter this season?
When Rampage was teaching Kimbo something as basic as how to shoot a single leg, did anyone else think to themselves that this guy has a looooooong way to go?
Even though the bout’s postponement was announced weeks ago, did you hear Rashad talk about fighting Rampage in December?
Hasn’t anyone on this show heard of post-production?
Did Rampage really say that, if a fighter doesn’t have any wrestling skills, “it’s OK when you’ve got jiu-jitsu�
How come there was no staged awkwardness during the fight-day breakfast, as has become the norm on this show?
Wasn’t it funny when Rampage said you didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out Jon’s strategy, even though Abe’s mechanical-engineering degree actually kind of makes him one?
Why didn’t the tale of the tape show each fighter’s weight?
And was there really only a 4-inch difference in height between Jon and Abe?
At the end of round 1, was anyone else wondering if there’s such a thing as a 10-7 round? How cheap was Jon’s takedown at the start of round 2?
And given how much he dominated the first round, why would he resort to such a weak tactic? Hasn’t Abe ever heard of a leg kick?
Although, given Rampage’s vulnerability to them, is it any surprise his coach didn’t go over that with him?
Didn’t Abe’s forehead make Vitor Belfort’s hatchet job on Marvin Eastman look like a papercut?
And after suffering such a presumably painful cut, why would Abe worry whether his stitches would hurt?
Mark Carpowich can be contacted at markcarpowich@hotmail.com.
