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ULTIMATE FIGHTER TV REPORT

After the pre-season hype, after the premiere-episode hype, after the first-fight hype, Kimbo Slice is one and done. After losing via TKO on last week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, Kimbo has gone the way of other TUF luminaries like Wayne Weems, Allen Berube and Joe Scarola. Once considered to be one of the most-feared men on the planet, Kimbo is now an MMA afterthought, while the show can now move forward to feature other aspiring heavyweight contenders.

Yeah, right.

Only a quarter of the way through the season, there’s no way we’ve seen or heard the last of the man responsible for last week’s record-setting audience. Rather than promoting a new matchup between two guys we’ve not yet had the chance to meet, a UFC e-mail message sent out on Wednesday asked first and foremost, “Will Kimbo get a second chance to battle in the Octagon?” Which leaves me wondering, will I get even a first chance to get to know any of this season’s other competitors?

This week’s episode kicks off with a recap of the most-watched bout in the history of the show. Team Rampage heavyweight Scott Junk calls the fight a “classic striker versus wrestler/grappler” matchup. Team Rashad’s Darrill Scoonover tells us he was impressed with Kimbo’s “really good boxing.” Scott says Kimbo fought well, but in the end was outclassed by Roy’s wrestling. Wow – considering Roy’s wrestling involved exactly one takedown, that’s pretty bad.

Also pretty bad – Roy gloating about his victory in the face of the opposing coach. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is not happy with Roy’s trash-talk, and actually shoves him before telling Roy he has no skills. In the locker room, Rampage and his assistants praise Kimbo, promising to continue coaching him and reminding him that he could potentially be called to fight again. Kimbo says he’s ready, and is here to “rock the world.”

At the house, Kimbo and Abe Wagner spend some time talking, with Kimbo saying that he’s committed to getting better. Then, for already the second time in this young episode, Kimbo flexes his biceps for the confessional camera. And people are impressed with this guy’s humility? Later, walking around the house, Kimbo finds Marcus Jones doubled over in the hallway, dripping with sweat and apparently in pain. Following a few tense moments hidden behind a commercial break, Kimbo and teammate Wes Sims help Marcus into a bedroom, where they try to cool him off. Marcus isn’t sure what happened, though Team Rashad’s Brendan Schaub suspects Marcus simply isn’t in shape.

On the other side of the coin, Coach Rashad Evans feels that his team is in pretty good shape, and is enjoying his 3-0 lead over Team Rampage. Rashad explains that he wants to help his guys get better, but also wants to make sure he isn’t changing up a fighter’s entire game. He then heaps praise on several of his athletes, and says he is hoping to sweep all eight preliminary bouts. To that end, Rashad and his assistants meet with each fighter individually to let them know whom they’ll be competing against. Justin Wren initially accepts Rashad’s request that he fight Scott, but later comes back playing the friendship card, saying he doesn’t want to fight his “best friend.” Rashad understands, and agrees to consider Justin’s position. For Justin’s sake, I hope his refusal to fight a friend works out better than it did for Jason Pierce last season.

Back at the gym, Team Rampage is ready to practice. The team’s namesake is tired of losing, and says he needs a win “like a fish needs water.” So if Rampage doesn’t win a fight soon, he’ll suffocate and die? Then again, this is pretty much what happened to Wes Shivers a couple of weeks ago, so maybe he isn’t just being facetious after all. Rampage is impressed with his fighters, and worries that Marcus is so unaware of his own strength, he’s going to pull a Forrest Griffin and start hurting people in practice. Rampage says he wants one of his guys to win the show.

At the house, Scott and Justin talk about upcoming fights, with Scott having heard that he and Justin might be matched up. Scott says that Team Rashad heavyweight Matt Mitrione had blown the surprise earlier in the evening, leaving Justin no choice but to acknowledge the plan. Yeah, it’s pretty weak for Matt to give away his team’s game plan, but compared to previous seasons’ canaries like Junie Browning and Jason Pierce, did Matt really deserve to be called a “traitor” in last week’s preview? Matt apologizes to his teammates the next day, then tells them that all his coaches have to do is just redo their picks. In the locker room, Rashad and his assistants give it some thought, with Brendan – who moments earlier had been looking like a company man – trying to avoid having to take over for Justin in his planned fight with Scott.

After Rampage and his assistants walk outside to discuss possible matchups, it’s time to find out who will actually step into the cage this week. Rashad has chosen Brendan to take on Demico Rogers, a matchup that Rampage likes. Outside in the parking lot, Rampage tells Rashad he will get control back. Thankfully, Rampage spares us yet another falsetto rendition of Janet Jackson’s “Control” before leaving, but does break several traffic laws by both driving recklessly through the parking lot and talking on a cell phone while driving.

Back inside, Rashad trains with Brendan, praising him for being “very, very technical and pretty good.” Huh? Brendan believes he has the advantage over Demico in every aspect of the game, though his game plan will be to stand with him. Demico, meanwhile, believes he has the edge on the ground, and feels confident he can win if he gets the fight to the mat.

It’s Fight Day, and while Brendan warms up in the locker room, Demico arrives to find that his coaches have gone all Michael Bisping and no-showed his pre-fight preparations. As Brendan yells and screams in one locker room, the guys on the other side of the wall sit in nervous silence, waiting for their coaches. This scene is looking familiar, and part of me is expecting Steven Tyler to suddenly burst through the wall and start singing the chorus to “Walk This Way.”

We head to the Octagon, where Brendan continues running the risk of gassing himself out by yelling and jumping around. UFC president Dana White provides our pre-filmed instructions, and we’re under way. The fighters spend the first 10 seconds sizing each other up, but as Demico’s corner tells him to use his reach advantage and use his jab, he instead chooses to attempt one of the sloppiest-looking shots ever on this show. Hell, maybe ever in this sport. Brendan has absolutely no problem catching him coming in and sinks a guillotine choke, but Demico is able to escape. After keeping his distance and avoiding Brendan’s desperate striking, Demico charges in and takes him down. After nearly 2 minutes of doing almost nothing from inside Brendan’s guard, Demico passes to side control, but gets reversed after a very loose attempt to mount. Brendan winds up locking up an anaconda choke, and Demico taps almost immediately.

Afterward, for the second time already this season, Rampage refuses to support his fighter after the bout, leaving Rashad and his assistants to offer some encouragement to Demico. While Rampage sits outside the octagon and complains about his own bad luck, Rashad says that Rampage’s treatment of his own fighters is horrible. In the locker room, Rampage says he “can’t deal with this” and adds that “it’s too much for me,” then reaches for his cell phone. Anyone else think he was calling his agent, asking him to get booked on that “A-Team” movie ASAP?

Random Thoughts:

Yes, Kimbo has heavy hands, but did his housemates really label him a “striker” with “really good boxing”?

And didn’t it only get worse when Scott compared Kimbo’s cluelessness about how to fight out of the crucifix to “champions that have been finished in that move”?

When Scott said that Kimbo’s missed knee cost him the fight, did he forget that Kimbo’s non-aggression and complete lack of ground game might have had a tiny bit to do with his loss?

Did Team Rampage assistant coach Tiki Ghosn really think that Roy’s easy takedown in the first round was a “desperation shot”?

Was Kimbo serious when he told Abe that, with only another couple weeks’ worth of training, he would be untouchable?

Why did Kimbo ask a soaking-wet Marcus if he’d just come out of the shower, when Marcus had already said he was wet because he was sweating?

Could Wes Sims have been any less helpful when he diagnosed Marcus as having “a fever or something”?

And if they thought he had a fever, why did Wes and Kimbo try to put a heat-trapping towel on his head?

If Brendan truly wasn’t overlooking Demico, why did he predict he would “beat the p*ss” out of him, and win with a “highlight-reel” performance?

And, considering how this fight actually played out, does anyone else hope that Brendan doesn’t quit MMA to pursue a career as a psychic?

Why did Rashad give Justin a pass on not wanting to fight his friend Scott by comparing it to his own friendship with Keith Jardine, when the two of them did fight during Season 2?

Did Rampage really have to tell us that he hoped one of his guys would win the show?

When Justin said that fighting Scott in the first round would result in “crushing each others’ dreams,” how was this different than if they were to fight in the finals?

Wasn’t it funny to hear Rampage say that Demico looked like Rashad, when Rashad has a brother who really did compete on the show a couple of seasons back?

Did you notice how much of this week’s footage came from the house, relative to previous weeks?

Even though Brendan criticized Matt for ruining the element of surprise by revealing the picks, wouldn’t there still be a mystery regarding when each fight would occur?

Why did Brendan say that getting hurt in the preliminary round is bad because “you don’t want to be dealing with injuries against lesser opponents”?

I mean, wouldn’t that be better than having to fight injured against someone who actually knows how to exploit his opponent’s injuries?

When Marcus said that NFL stood for “not for long,” did anyone else have a flashback to Vince McMahon saying the acronym stood for “no-fun league”?

And isn’t it ironic that Vince’s XFL was around “not for long”?

Wouldn’t it be funny if, just once, the coach who didn’t get to choose the week’s bout acted all worried about the matchup, instead of always pretending to like it?

Why did Rashad say he won’t be happy until he’s won all eight preliminary-round fights, when he has already said he’s happy with his team’s 3-0 record?

When Rampage confessed he had been having thoughts of ripping out Rashad’s brains, did anyone else find themselves having a Katie Vick flashback?

And instead of being ashamed of his thoughts, shouldn’t Rampage have been ashamed of his driving skills?

Am I the only one who didn’t really see the alleged resemblance between Demico and Rashad?

When Brendan was hitting the mitts in the locker room before the fight, was that really a human making those grunting noises?

How lame was Tiki, trying to beatbox while Demico was getting his hands wrapped?

Why did Brendan bother pointing out that Demico was undefeated, when they had the same 4-0 record coming into the fight?

Gee, how thankful was Demico to have Rampage in his corner, offering useful, detailed advice such as “score points”?

What’s the deal with Rampage bailing on his fighters after they lose?

And why didn’t he think Demico should have tried to pass Brendan’s guard, when he wasn’t really doing much anyway and probably would have been stood up?

Is Rampage quickly on his way to become the worst TUF coach since Ken Shamrock?

Mark Carpowich can be contacted at markcarpowich@hotmail.com.