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It's time for WWE NXT, the second episode. Already known is that Matt Hardy will be featured with his new MF-er. (That's Mattitude Follower. Shannon Moore was the first, a while before C. M. Punk slapped him in the face for being a punk poser, but a while after Shannon used to perform one of the Wrestlicious wrestler's theme song.)
Will Punk be slapping his protegee Dancing Darren Young in the face this week?
Will WWE give any explanation at all as to what these eight fighters are fighting for and how they are to achieve it?
Interesting that in the recap the rudo beat down of Daniel Bryan by the Miz is represented by one face shove. Maybe they read my column? Yeah, right.
Again, I have to say, why hasn't R-Truth modified his entrance rap to include David Otunga? Even if R-Truth is lipsynching his rap, why not re-record it? How long could it take to write and re-record the rap?
Tuesday's hottest show? I wonder what Mark "The Undertaker" Callaway thinks of that?
Unpredictable, Josh? Let's hope that it's unpredictable in a good way (wild in ring action) rather than a bad way (crash TV).
Okay!! Matt "D.W." Striker finally explains the rules. The coaches vote for who they like and don't like, but the coaches cannot vote for or against their own protegees.
However, are they missing the boat? If these guys are aiming to please the "WWE Universe" (where outside of which wrestling is only done in high school gyms in front of fifty people) why not allow the fans to have a say? Why not give the fans a vote to give one rookie "immunity" before each of the first couple of cuts?
And, what's the motivation for the coaches? Will the last two coaches have a match on a PPV? Will the winning coach get a title shot, or "money, money, yeah, yeah"?
It's a rematch between Dancing Stevie Richards II and Bastita II. Maybe their match last week was supposed to have been longer but Otunga accidentally knocked Darren out with his clumsiness?
"Don't TOUCH me!" Punk rules.
Again no promo package love for Darren Young. He can't buy a break.
Grinning from ear to ear for Darren clapping before applying the rear chin lock of doom and having the fans boo this Orten-esque maneuver out of the building.
Darren can get heel heat? Who would have thought. Now, if he starts talking up the Flock of Seagulls, then we'd be getting somewhere.
So, Darren wins because even though Punk hates Darren, Punk just can't stop himself from being a heel and helping a fellow heel.
Now for some real inadvertent laughs, check out how short Punk's hair is on the WWE NXT Superstars page.
Daniel Bryan gets his promo package and yes, he does name drop Shawn Micheals (although no Jose Lothario love). He talks submissions but they don't show Cattle Mutilation in the FCW footage.
Oops, spoke to soon about the Miz's moronic beat down of Daniel Bryan from last week. It now gets lovingly replayed.
I wonder why Daniel hasn't already snapped the Miz? After all, Otunga has already shoved R-Truth.
Did you know that constantly spinning statistics makes you look bush league?
Great, and well motivated, backstage brawl with Otunga and R-Truth. This looked and felt a lot more "real" than the Miz jumping Daniel after a match.
Wade Barret gets some promo love next and I am feeling his gimmick. Now, if he gets tapped out by Daniel, will they turn this into a Kimbo Slice style story (bare knuckle fighter must learn to grapple)?
Wade promo package says he's 6'7" (and he looks it). So why does Cole say that he is 6'5"?
But, no, they turn this into an injury angle with Wade picking up the win because Daniel wasn't one hundred per cent.
And, another rudo beat down? This is getting ridiculous. Aren't they trying for an TUF style of "realism"? Oh, wait, that would mean that they would get reaction promos from wrestlers who have hairstyles that they got rid of five shows before. Never mind.
And, speaking of Shawn Micheals, they replay action from RAW where Shawn gets pinned by the Miz. This hasn't been Daniel's week. I'm surprised that the Miz didn't throw that result in Daniel's face.
Great "training footage" from Slater and Christian. Christian is an understated riot. I mean, would Heath get over if he was out there with that guy with his sister's shorts?
Justin uses the word "sensei"! So he is a follower of the sensei of Mattitude.
I think that Punk and William Regal are in competition with each other to see who can have the look of the most disdain for their rookies. Either that or to see who can look like they need a haircut more.
"The Cornfeed Meat Head"?? Will Matt Mitrione do a run in (or in Matt's case a skip in) and show Skip Sheffield what's up?
Wow, I did know whether to laugh or cry at Skip's promo package. On one hand he seemed pretty over the top corny. On the other hand, with a little tweaking he might be able to pull off a Reginald "the Crusher" Lisowski vibe.
"The personality of an open grave"?
I love William Regal. A heel who is more professional than the the baby face professionals. His man disses him in the ring and Regal merely tells the announcers that his rookie is a bloody moron (not to be confused with a Moore-on, a follower of Shannon Moore, specifically Crash Holly).
"Vintage Skip Sheffield"? Burn!
A Firebird Splash by Jason Gabriel? No wonder they paired him with Matt Hardy.
So Regal is the first coach to eat a loss to a rookie? Heck, Regal is so awesome that he'll only get more heat from it.
They conclude with Carlito apple-ing Heath Slater. Heath at least runs his mouth a little (unlike Daniel after being slapped by the Miz) but he didn't come up with a stinging comeback. I don't know, maybe "What's cool was beating you and your rookie last week."
Points to ponder:
Is Carlito really an esteemed WWE professional?
Will the pull apart brawl get R-Truth over? Or, will Striker inform both of them that they're getting kicked off the show? Or, will Striker turn this into a Junie Browning angle where he keeps giving R-Truth and David Otunga extra chances?
I am calling shenanigans. If I was a coach why wouldn't I vote against anyone who might be better than my rookie? What motivation do I have to be professional (other than the fact that if I let some guy win who has no skills cough Otunga cough then this guy could one day drop me on my head)?
I get why WWE doesn't expect anyone to know anything outside of their universe. But, why does WWE think that the fans are not aware of the wellness policy, which is part of the WWE Universe? Doesn't the wellness policy say that Daniel Bryan would not be allowed to refuse an x-ray after his match with Jericho?
Skip Sheffield, here is a guy who has wanted to be a pro wrasler since he was twelve yet doesn't have an amateur wrestling background. Maybe he is like Cartman from South Park? He falls in love with pro wrasling and then tries out for his school's wrestling team and then quits when he finds out that they don't teach body slams and clothes lines.
Are they going to turn this Jericho vs Daniel Bryan storyline into a Wrestlemania angle? How cool would it be if on the show before Wrestlemania Jericho tries for another rudo beat down of Daniel Bryan after a match and Edge jumps the rail from the crowd and spears Jericho and then allows Daniel to lock in Cattle Mutilation just so that Edge can make sure Jericho isn't one hundred percent for his match?
There is one thing that WWE has not learned from Tough Enough cough The Ultimate Fighter: allowing the contestants to mention gaps in their game and how they plan to overcome them. Take Skip. He doesn't know anything about wrestling or martial arts. Is he going to take advantage of the one of the most knowledgeable wrestlers alive today, William Regal, to overcome this weakness? No, he's going to come up with a stupid catchphrase and do a goofy dance. David Otunga doesn't know his butt from a hole in the ground in the ring. What does he do about this? Nothing, but then again the WWE writers are probably all over his jockstrap because he's from Hollywood so why should he do anything? Would it kill the WWE for one of the contestants to say something like "I am really happy that I have pro X as my mentor because I know that I am weak in some area and he has expertise there that can help me improve?"
