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THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER TV REPORT

Earlier this week, the UFC announced that its upcoming live debut in Vancouver will feature former light-heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell taking on…Rich Franklin? What happened to the third installment of Chuck versus Tito Ortiz, which was previously announced as the payoff to end the current season of The Ultimate Fighter? Will this be the second season in a row to have its coach-versus-coach blowoff bout delayed, if not scrapped altogether? And how does Rich Franklin fit into all of this? Does this explain his rumored substitution for Tito partway through the season? Come to think of it, they did tease a shocking announcement for this week’s show….

We begin tonight’s episode with UFC president Dana White, Chuck and Tito walking into the gym, where the fighters have assembled. Brad Tavares tells us he expects bad news, and sure enough, Dana announces that Chris Camozzi can no longer compete because of a broken jaw. Several of his housemates are surprised, as is Tito, apparently. Yeah, as if Chris’ own coach hadn’t yet been told he was being sent home. Dana explains that a cat scan revealed the damage, and that getting hit in the same spot again could lead to major damage. Canadian Nick Ring says he was shocked by the news, and that he “could see from the faces of everyone else oat there that it shocked them as well.” Dana then announces that Tito will choose a replacement fighter from among those who were sent home after the elimination round.

It’s time for Team Liddell to train, and Chuck and his assistants work striking with their guys. Considering all three Team Liddell coaches are predominantly strikers, this is hardly a surprise. Assistant coach John Hackleman says the team’s camaraderie is excellent, referring to their workouts as “happy camp.” Funny, no one looks very happy. Maybe it’s because all they’re learning how to do is punch mitts.

Later, at the house, Charles Blanchard is rubbing one out in the bedroom. What…he’s rubbing a kink out of a housemate’s back. Which, you know, he learned as a massage therapist. Who do you think he is, Zak Jensen? Get you minds out of the gutter. Kris McCray disapproves of one particular 2 a.m. massage, saying that people should be in bed or brushing their teeth. If it’s OK to brush your teeth at 2 a.m., why isn’t it OK to get a massage?

We go back to the gym, where we learn that Tito and his assistants have selected Seth Baczynski to return to the show, replacing Chris. Seth is grateful to be back, and says he’ll have to play catch-up in order to integrate better into his team. From here, we go directly to this week’s fight announcement, which will be made as the fighters sit with their teammates on bleachers. Why don’t they stand anymore? Anyway, Chuck announces that Brad will take on James Hammortree, the most frighteningly named TUF contestant since Tommy Speer.

After the fight announcement, we join Team Ortiz training, and for the second week in a row, Jamie Yager is annoying one of his teammates. This week’s victim is Nick, who tells Jamie to cut it oat after Jamie calls him “bitch” during a sparring exercise. The two are separated, and later Tito addresses everyone and tells them to function more as a team. Tito then actually tells his team that in order for one guy to win, everyone else has to help. Um, he does know that they’re ultimately all competing against each other for a single contract, right?

We’re ready for this week’s weigh-in, where Kris predicts the fight won’t go two rounds. Given that this episode is only 16 minutes old and we’re already weighing in, I’d say he’s probably right: the fight will probably go three rounds instead. Each fighter’s teammates offer predictions, with everyone predicting victory for their own team. Just once, I’d love to hear someone say, “I support my team, but let’s be honest, our guy is going to get smoked this week.”

We head back to the gym, where a sea of swinging heavy and speed bags suggests that ghosts are training their standup at the UFC Training Center. No wait, that’s just Brad, a native Hawaiian – or, as UFC pay-per-view commentator Mike Goldberg would say, a “proud Hawaiian” – who says that “fighting is fun.” Two Team Liddell assistants praise Brad as a complete fighter who is still learning. James, meanwhile, proclaims himself to be heavy-handed, and predicts a knockout. He then says his nickname is “The Sledge,” because he’s got sledgehammers for fists. Maybe James should have quit the interviews a little sooner than he did.

It’s fight day, and after a quick glimpse of the UFC pool table and bar set that populate the TUF house, we see Brad and James in the kitchen together. James is excited about the fight, and believes that Brad’s silence the morning of the fight means he is psyched out. I don’t know, maybe he’s just not a morning person. James says he wants to be able to control the action. Brad, meanwhile, says that he and James are two warriors who will be trying to hurt each other, and that he won’t back down or quit.

We’re ready to roll, and after Dana announces the rules while wearing a gray suit (what, no clean hoodies?), the action gets under way. Brad opens with three consecutive kicks and pulls back on a fourth. James shoots for a single, but is unable to finish it, and winds up getting thrown. Brad takes James’ back and attempts a rear naked choke, but is riding too high and gets reversed into half guard against the fence. Brad gets back to his feet and winds up on James’ back again, but again James reverses. The remainder of the round is pretty much a wrestling match, with James throwing in a little bit of weak ground-and-pound to sway the judges toward awarding him the first round.

Round two starts, and unlike the first round, this one starts off with James going for a takedown pretty much right away. After they jockey for position, Brad ends up in James’ guard, but before long they switch, with James on Brad’s back. James turns this into a lay-and-pray offense, dropping the occasional hammer fist from the top but doing little else. Brad briefly gets to his feet, but ends up on his back when James takes him down again. The remainder of the round plays out without really any change, with James on top and Brad working the same half-ass submission from the bottom for pretty much the whole round. Despite James having probably won the first round, and definitely winning the second, the judges have somehow declared the bout a draw, and we’re headed to a third period.

We get started again, and for the first minute, both guys seem to want to keep the fight standing, with Brad landing a couple of nice jabs. James scores another takedown, though, and despite a couple of reversals manages to hold his position for most of the round. Both guys spend pretty much the entire period in rest-hold mode, as referee Steve Mazzagatti does absolutely nothing to keep the “action” moving. Brad does return to his feet right before the round ends, but it’s a case of too little, too late. Hard to believe anyone would give this bout to Brad.

Sure enough, though, he is awarded the victory, as James’ teammates protest the decision. I guess the judges were impressed with Brad being stuck on his back for 80 percent of the fight. At least James will probably be awarded a wildcard spot about a month from now. Hey, if the rumors are true, he may end up lasting longer on the show longer than Tito.

Random thoughts:

When Dana and the coaches walked in to start the show, wasn’t it weird to see the fighters standing in haphazard positions, instead of their usual formation?

Why did Dana announce Chris had a broken jaw, then later say that Chris’ jaw was actually barely fractured, but could potentially become broken?

Also, why did Dana say Chris’ jaw could be broken in half, when the injured area he pointed to was not halfway across his face?

If Team Liddell was “happy camp,” does that mean its members were literally “happy campers”?

Why does the UFC 113 ad even bother saying that Kimbo Slice’s appointment is Matt Mitrione, as if that will help sell any additional PPVs?

Why would Kris say that people should be in bed at 2 a.m., not getting a massage? Wasn’t he one of the ones blowing air horns at 3 a.m. last week?

How come Seth was worried about not knowing Team Ortiz’s “system” when he joined the team late? Didn’t he know the team had only been training together a few days, and probably didn’t have any kind of system set up yet?

When Team Ortiz was sparring, how funny was it to hear a coach saying “keep it friendly” to a couple of guys punching each other in the face?

I agree that sportsmanship is important, but really, being called a name by Jamie was that upsetting to Nick?

During season 3, we had Michael Bisping feuding with Matt Hamill, and the pathetically named Team Dagger feuding with everyone; now, we have Jamie and Nick. Why can’t Tito’s guys ever seem to get along?

When Brad’s teammate Rich said that Brad had “some legit standup,” was it any surprise, considering all of Team Liddell’s coaches are specialists in striking?

Did anyone else notice that tonight marked the second time in three weeks that Brad said that “fighting is fun”?

When fight day rolled around before this week’s episode was even half over, wasn’t it pretty obvious we’d be seeing a three-round battle tonight?

Why did Brad say that “we aren’t fighting with swords and guns”? I mean, if your opponent had a gun, would a sword do you any good anyway?

What was with Dana and his suit? Was he on his way to a Dr. Evil lookalike contest?

Didn’t pretty much all of Brad-James look a whole lot like an amateur wrestling match, with all the reversals and riding?

Not that I’m complaining, but did they really need two ring girls for the preliminary-round fights?

Have you ever seen anyone try for a kimura as long as Brad did during round two?

The judges really thought that Brad won one of the first two rounds?

During the commercial break, did guest coach Sam Henson inhale helium before going on camera?

Jeez, what took Steve Mazzagatti so long to see that James was pulling on Brad’s shorts, even though Chuck and his assistants kept calling it out?

Brad may have pulled out this victory, but do you seriously see him winning in the next round of fights?

After watching that snoozefest, don’t you wish Junie Browning would have been there to decry the presence of “another boring-ass wrestler”?

If you were Chuck, would you feel good celebrating that “victory”?

Does the preview of yet more tensions within Team Ortiz reminding anyone else of Team USA during season 9?