THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR ISSUE 9
By Craig Roll on 4/23/2010 5:33 PM
Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show, and we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but comes off like a good pro wrestling show.
<Jimmy Snuka mode> "When the volcano erupts, and the lava flows, and the lava flows, ... , you can't stop the the volcano ...</Jimmy Snuka mode>
I suspect the WWE NXT pros from RAW would have rather watched six hours of a repeating loop of the fifteen minute promo that Jimmy Snuka cut about volcanoes in ECW rather than face being trapped in Europe due to the airspace shutdown due to the volcanic ash.
What will WWE come up with this week in NXT since TUF has announced a post fight riot? After all, last week the Miz attacked William Regal after his match with Daniel Bryan and it wasn't treated as a big deal.
Maybe, if WWE wants NXT to seem more like a "reality" TV show they could cool down the post match beat downs? Maybe, they could arrange things better so that the rookies and the pros could all be on the same page starting out so that if a coach walked to the back in disgust after his rookie lost without helping his rookie in the ring then that would seem like a huge angle.
But, since they have already had at least a half a dozen post match beat downs this season, that gimmick has completely lost it's shock value.
So, what is on tap for NXT? Another stupid challenge? More ninety second matches? Another episode were the first match doesn't happen until the last quarter of the show? Or, will the "good" writing team show up and the matches will get some time to develop and the rookies will get an opportunity and some time to show some personality.
Let's review the action on the obscenely expensive Fun House Mirror-atron 5000. Hit it, tech monkeys!
We start it off with Matt D.W. Striker introducing the rookies who are already in the ring. This smells like it will be another challenge.
The rookies get their rank given with their graphic, but not their record. Interesting.
Justin Gabriel gets the loudest response, but it's not very much. Skip Sheffield's response was drowned out by the crickets outside the Mohegan Sun casino.
Rock-em, Sock-em rookies? It's "Rolling on the floor, laughing out loud" time. I might be recalling this incorrectly, but wasn't this an event that they did on the FREAKING DIVA SEARCH?
What is next? Rubbing Kamala's belly?
Oh, wait a second. I get it now. This show is on April 20th. So, the WWE writing team is all sugared up on Lucky Charms, like Cheech and Chong, when they write this. (Hey, we have to keep this PG-13, right?)
So, who's pugil stick cuisine will reign supreme? Will size and might trump technique and dexterity? Will intensity and attitude trump alertness and resourcefulness?
At least this week Striker can't pitch his favorite rookies softballs.
Otunga vs Slater to start out. I would pick Slater because he seems to have more natural agility than Otunga, but it might be close.
Wow, Otunga doesn't even remove his True Religion jeans.
Slater wins with a straight strike to the chest. 1-0 on the predictions.
Next up, Sheffield vs Barrett. In the battle of the promo finalists, I got to go with Barrett here. His experience as a striker should overcome the natural disadvantage that he has with his high center of gravity.
I was pwn-ed! Wade is knocked off balance forward and so in desperation he throws himself at Skip but touches the ground before the Corn Fed Meat Head. This leads to a pull apart, but no real blows are thrown. 1-1
Next up, Tarver vs Bryan. If the striker Tarver doesn't win this then he should feel embarrassment for way longer than 1.9 seconds. I go with Tarver all the way here.
Wow! Tarver lays down to the finger poke of doom? I guess this is now Tarver's gimmick, someone who does not cooperate with the system because he feels that the "man" is trying to hold him down. Yeah, if I was a wrestling promoter, that would appeal to me ... not. However, it is nice to know that Tarver is absorbing everything that Carlito can teach him about being a professional wrestler. 1-2
Tarver cheap shots Bryan after the match for no reason at all. Good ref line though: "Let it go, let it go."
Last match in the quarter-finals: Gabriel vs Young. I'll go with Young because of size and because I think that Young is a better athlete than his record so far indicates.
Young doesn't even take the chain around his neck off.
Young wins easily so my record predicting the quarter-finals outcomes is 2-2.
Later on tonight, Jericho vs Slater. This was set up last week when Slater's interference countered Jericho's interference helping Christian defeat Barrett with the Killswitch. Will Jericho be able to carry Slater to a good match? Will this be an interference marathon?
More Cena/Batista spam. Well, at least we have something to look forward to as we all hit fast forward on our DVR's.
Then we get some opinions on Wade Barrett from the pros. Way overproduced, but it could be a lot worse.
Gabriel vs Otunga is next. Gabriel is 4-2 but has lost a lot of momentum in the past week getting booed in the promo challenge and going out in the first round of the Diva Pugil Sticks challenge. A win over Otunga will give him his momentum back and help avenge the finish of the battle royal where Otunga eliminated Gabriel even after Gabriel hit the 450 splash.
On the other hand, Otunga has stalled out since hosting RAW, so a loss here would weigh heavily against him (if he wasn't sleeping with a celebrity).
Gabriel is able to carry Otunga to a good match. The story of the match is that Otunga has the 450 scouted so after Gabriel makes his baby face comeback and goes to the top rope Otunga rolls out of range. However, Otunga has not been on the same page as R-Truth and Otunga has not been listening to his advice. So, when Gabriel goes for a sunset flip and Otunga signals to R-Truth to help him out by grabbing his hand to break up the move R-Truth punks him out and shakes his head. So, Gabriel gets the pin off of the sunset flip. Thumbs up for the match!
And, as if they actually were listening, R-Truth walks to the back with a satisfied look on his face, leaving his rookie fuming. Much better than a beat down in my opinion, but, then again, R-Truth is not the rudo, Otunga is.
It's pugil stick time! We have Sheffield vs Slater in a battle of the man who won the keg carrying contest vs the man who felt he could have won it. I like Sheffield here. Both rookies showed they had balance in the first round so Sheffield's size should prove decisive.
And, it does! 3-2
This could be Skip's best chance so far in the competition to make an impact. All he has to do is beat the winner of Bryan vs Young, which is next. I think Young goes over here. He showed good balance versus Gabriel and has a fifty pound weight advantage on Bryan.
Young wins easily which gives Cole his weekly opportunity to call Byran a loser (even though he won in the first round). 4-2
So, it's Sheffield vs Young, two of the bottom three, in the finals.
An actual insightful line by Cole! "Why is Tarver smiling?" Although it wasn't insightful for the reasons that Cole thought it was insightful. The plain truth is that Tarver looks like a goof when he smiles and looks like a bad ass when he frowns, so he should frown a lot.
Tarver is going to cut a promo?
Ah ha! Tarver is now a bull dog instead of a pit bull. I guess he didn't want to be compared to Sheffield and I can't blame him.
Even Cole picks up on this! Cole is having a good day.
Tarver challenges anyone in NXT, pro or rookie to come out and shut him up. Fortunately for him, Kane isn't in NXT.
But, Unfortunately for Tarver, William "being stiff is my addiction" Regal is. Actually, no he isn't. He's still being held captive by the volcano. But, his rookie Sheffield is ready to take the challenge.
Is this a good idea for Sheffield? He who chases two rabbits catches none. Will this wreck his chances of winning the Pugil Sticks competition?
"Nitwit of negativity?" Not bad. As I have said before, Skip might want to steer his persona toward The Crusher, someone who was big, powerful, and straight forward, and loved to fight.
But wait, there's more! C. M. Punk comes out and inserts Darren Young into the match to make it a triple threat, saying that young Darren also thirsts for competition.
Needless to say, this doesn't sit well with Sheffield or Tarver who relentlessly double team Young.
Sheffield is the first one to go for the pin which naturally brings the alliance to an end.
Young hits a roaring elbow to Tarver, but Cole call it a forearm to the jaw. So much for having a good night.
Young goes to the top rope and Luke Gallows pushes him off and then takes out Sheffield. But, Tarver is too slow to take advantage and Young uses his awful looking finisher on Tarver to take the victory.
The pros talk Heath Slater next. This segment fares a little better than the first as the pros have some insightful comments.
Time for the finals of the pugil stick challenge. Will Tarver do a run in? Will Luke Gallows do a run in?
Young is serious this time because his chain is off.
I say Young takes it because Sheffield will still be feeling the Gallows clothes line from the apron.
Pwn-ed again. For the second time Sheffield wins even though he was knocked off his perch. The replay shows that Skip's foot slipped and hit the floor at the same time Darren came down, but the referee might not have had an angle to see Skip's foot.
D. W. Striker agrees and we get a rematch.
Sheffield is fired up this time and wins easily, riding a wave of moral righteousness.
We get a post contest interview by Skip Sheffield who quotes Keanu Reeves and gives his catch phrase.
And, since we're running out of time, we go right to Jericho vs Slater.
Christian doesn't come out with Slater so Christian might also be stuck in Europe with Regal. This doesn't bode to well as Barrett is lurking outside the ring.
But, it's a night of surprises as Heath reverses an attempt at the Walls of Jericho into a small package to get the upset victory.
Jericho goes nuts after the match and rearranges the furniture around ringside and calls the referee stupid.
A really good episode. Young, Sheffield and Slater make large strides and we get some interesting plot twists with the Otunga/R-Truth and Young/Punk pairings.
But, will it be enough to overcome the "riot" that The Ultimate Fighter promised last week? Will Jamie Yagar continue to be a bigger tool than David Otunga? Will Tito Ortiz pull a Miz and sucker shot Liddell after a match?
The answers can be found in the Fun House Mirror-atron 5000:
The show starts off with a recap of last week's fight with inset interviews getting the opinions of the fighters. And, we immediately further one of the storylines. It is revealed that at one point Jamie Yagar starts cheering for his roommate (who is on the other team) much to the disgust of his teammate Nick Ring.
Jamie winds up defending himself, saying that he wanted to see the best fight possible so that neither fighter would have any regrets.
Nick and Jamie talk it out. Jamie agrees with Nick but has a completely insincere look on his face. However, eventually Nick is convinced that Jamie agrees and the issue seems settled for now.
But, in private, Jamie reveals that it was all an angle, and that Jamie's faction even has a name, "The Minority Report" which was a story by Philip K. Dick which was made into a Tom Cruise movie.
The faction also has another Team Liddell member, the Australian Kyle Noke. With two first round winners so far, this faction seems to have a lot more juice behind it than Team Dagger.
However, Jamie's actions have not endeared him to anyone outside of his group and more and more people are coming out saying that they will shoot on him during their fights. Oops. They all shoot on each other. Maybe the implication is that they will intentionally foul Jamie to take a warning? Or, maybe the implication is that when they fight Jamie it will be a "fight without honor"?
It's fight announcement time. We have two fights this week so we need to cut to the chase immediately. Will the remaining members of The Minority Report (Jamie and Court McGee) square off? Will Jamie face a fan club member? Or, will they let this issue simmer?
The teams sitting in the bleachers set up is way less dramatic than the standing team line ups of the previous seasons. However, it does allow D. W. to stand out more.
Chuck takes command and goes to a more traditional strategy than he did the previous week. He chooses his number two pick Rich Antonito (as opposed to his number six pick the week before). However, he turns around and picks Kyacey Uscola from Team Punishment, the number two pick and someone with super legit wrestling skills! A very odd pick.
Hammortree predicts that Kyacey will win by Hulk Smash. I suspect that James is referencing the Marvel super hero character and not Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea whose finishers were the clothesline and the leg drop.
We then get some character development for the fighters. Kyacey is going to be a first time father and will miss his son's birth to be on the show. Rich says that he has a dozen nicknames including Guido, so perhaps Rich is planning on going gangster on Kyacey.
Chuck feels that Rich should be able to get the take down and pound Kyacey into submission.
Chuck has a conflict and is not able to be there for Rich's fight, but Rich understands and is cool with it, unlike season nine when Michael Bisping missed one of his team's fights due to oversleeping.
More drama at the house. Kris McCray decides to pull a true heel move and takes Kyacey's sweatshirt and plants it in Yagar's closet. Kyacey searches Jamie's closet without a warrant and finds it. Then, even after McCray admits that he was the one who pulled the shenanigans, Kyacey is still angry at Jamie.
Oddly enough, Jamie seems to be making many friend on the Liddell team as he bonds with Rich over pictures of Rich's wife.
The fight is on and I don't anticipate this going long since we have another fight coming up. I will predict Rich because Kyacey's concentration is divided.
The fight starts with a lot of dancing around. Suddenly Rich, who Kyacey was expecting take down attempts from, explodes with punches and overwhelms Kyacey. Kyacey is in desperation mode for some two minutes as he is rolling around, turtling, and grabbing any random body part he can to slow Rich down. But, Rich perseveres and even slams Kyacey on his neck and shoulders. However, Kyacey survives and eventually takes control by an arm lock. Rich defends well and tries scrambling to his feet when Kyacey knees him to the head for a disqualification.
Five star match! 1-0 on the prediction, because maybe Kyacey freaked out and mistook Rich for Jamie when he threw the illegal knee.
Afterward Tito explodes with frustration and another door bites the dust.
Rich is not the picture of a victorious fighter. Not only does he have headaches, he also might have a broken hand.
And, he does. If we use professional wrestling logic here, then it would be morally acceptable to allow Kyacey to continue in Rich's place, because it was Rich's own actions (punching Kyacey in the head) rather than Kyacey's illegal actions (kneeing Rich in the head) that knocked Rich out of the competition.
Time for the next fight pick and Chuck chooses his number three man Charles Blanchard to fight Jamie Yagar.
Now, it's Brad Travers and Cort McGee's turn to choose between teammate and roommate.
Tito says that the only way Yagar will lose is if he slips on a banana peel on the way to the cage. Tito also promises to shoot himself if Jamie loses.
Blanchard, the man with extensive knowledge of the human body, doesn't get much of a personality profile, but Liddell explains that Charles is a good choice to take out Yagar because of his ground game and strike defense.
And, it's on to the fight. I predict that Yagar will win with a pin fall with his legs on the ropes. Oops. That's not happening. I predict Blanchard by triangle choke.
Blanchard has no personal beef with Yagar but finds it amusing that Yagar's teammates have been offering him encouragement.
Pwn-ed again! 1-1. Yagar defends Blanchard's first take down attempt and then introduces Blanchard's chin to his fist. Blanchard goes down and cannot defend himself so it's all over.
So, no post fight riot? Or, was the riot against the door? What sucky bait and switch advertising.
Next week, we find out who the third person to drop out of the competition to an injury will be (the first two being Chris Camozzi and Rich Antonito).
I give TUF the edge over NXT this week, but it was close. Both shows did a good job of advancing story lines. However, nothing on NXT came close to bringing the violence like Kyacey vs Rich.
