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THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR - ISSUE 11

Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show, and we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but comes off like a good pro wrestling show.

The week we had some NXT action even before NXT aired when they ran a major angle on RAW involving Daniel Bryan and Wade Barrett who had singles matches against Dave Batista and John Cena.

At least it now makes all of those Cena versus Batista spam segments on NXT now seem relevant.

Both of the rookies went down in defeat, but both lasted around five minutes each.  So, even in losing, both might have gained more credibility than Otunga did when he hosted RAW.

Since this was a beat the clock challenge, I am sure that both Cena and Batista would have rather faced Michael Tarver because they would have won in less than a minute when Tarver would leave because he wouldn't want to participate.

If the WWE wants to make this a regular corner on RAW or Smackdown, I wonder what other match ups suggest themselves?

How about Mark Henry against Skip Sheffield?  The thought of Skip being in a match where his brute strength would be ineffectual is appealing.

How about MVP against Otunga?  MVP has said in interviews that he has built his MVP character by studying the guys that he saw in the clubs that he thought were tools.  MVP could say that Otunga is the very type of person that he tries to emulate to get heel heat.

How about Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater in a tag challenge against The Miz and Chris Jericho?  If nothing else, the heel heat that The Miz and Jericho could generate would make Heath and Justin that much more over as baby faces.

How about Darren Young in a challenge match against Rey Mysterio where the story line is that C. M. Punk tells Darren that they will be cool and he'll let the not joining Straight Edge Society thing slide if he can take out Mysterio.

I would suggest something for Michael Tarver, but unless they put it on next week's RAW ...

But, it's time for this week's NXT.  Will this week's challenge stink as bad as most of the previous challenges?  Will this week's challenge actually be relevant to becoming a WWE superstar, like a bench pressing challenge?   Will the good writing team show up or one of the half dozen bad writing teams?

I think we should be optimistic.  After all, the WWE is promising us a great main event tonight (in the opening credit montage).  So let's hit it.

Speaking of which, was that "My Son" Shane in the opening montage?

This week we have Otunga versus R-Truth.  If this is going to be the main event and if it is going to be great then R-Truth has his work cut out for him.  But, maybe the "sun tanned super man" can carry the "A-lister" to a great match?

Matt "Wink Martindale" Striker starts us out with the rookies lined up on the outside of the ring.  Daniel Bryan has his ribs taped to sell the beat down he took after the match from Batista who repeated dropped Bryan with the Demon Bomb.  The Demon Bomb probably rates high on the manliness meter.  Otunga is without he True Religion jeans so he means business.

A baseball bat in on the ground in front of them.  I'm not sure I want to know what they will be expected do to with it.

The obstacle course challenge is our challenge of the day.  Now, I know that a similar event was used in one of the Diva contests.  WWE, stop subliminally encouraging Michael Tarver in his diva like behavior.

Is this a challenge designed to favor people like Slater and Gabriel and to not favor Barrett and Sheffield?  Will Bryan's ribs play a role?

The rules for the challenge are more convoluted than TNA's King of the Mountain match, but at least the winner gets immunity from next weeks elimination.  Could Tarver put a monkey wrench into the writers plans and win tonight?

Is Jonathan Coachman going to come out and run the course first and embarrass the rookies by having the best time?

The person who goes first is going to be at a great disadvantage because any shortcut that he can think of will be copied by everyone else.

So, of course Bryan is chosen first.  Is working the monkey bars manly?

Bryan guts out his injured ribs to finish in 2:45.  A large portion of this was spent drinking the soda.  Sodas rank a zero on the manliness meter.

Hopefully the other contestants will be a lot faster or else we'll be here all day.  Or, maybe not since Tarver probably won't participate.

And, as his reward, The Miz comes out and cuts a promo on Bryan saying that he has to face Michael Tarver in the ring with both of their winless records on the line, and face him next.

Cole rightly points out that The Miz using the line "you can't use injuries as an excuse in the WWE" on Bryan in his promo is ironic since the Miz used his "jaw injury" to get out of his match on RAW which set up Bryan taking on Batista in the first place.  This could be a good Michael Cole night.

Carlito comes out with Tarver and visually gives him instructions to aim for the rib cage area with his strikes.

Tarver looks happy on the way to the ring which is always a bad idea since he looks way more intimidating when he frowns.  Tarver wears a NWO styled NXT shirt.

Bryan goes for a surfboard but then realizes that his ribs are hurt and he wouldn't be able to execute the hold so he double stomps the back of Tarver's knees.

Bryan, after taking a beat down from Tarver, gets his hope spots in with a long string of hard kicks to Tarver but Tarver is able to come back with his crappy looking finisher to take the win.

Will The Miz treat us to another rudo beat down?

But, no.  Instead we get the swerve of Tarver setting Bryan up for the Back Stabber by Carlito.  Will this set up Bryan getting his first win down the line off of Carlito?

They then recap last week's challenge where Darren Young was promising on the microphone that he would challenge C. M. Punk if he won.  This doesn't seem to sit well with SES who have apparently waited all week to confront Young about this.  Punk tells Young that Young better decide what type of person he is going to be or next week Punk will take away that choice.  Umm, Punk cannot vote on Young's performance.  Is Punk planning on getting with the heels and selling good scores in exchange for a low score for Young?

Slater is up next for the obstacle course.  I wouldn't have picked him to win the keg carrying challenge, but he did.  Can he blow our minds this week as well?

Heath finishes in 1:36.9.  His juggling was far better than Bryan's, but to do the bat dizziness challenge he really should have put his forehead directly on the butt of the bat.

Young is next on the obstacle course and will not get C. M. Punk's vote of confidence next week.  Darren finishes in 2:07.8 and makes Bryan's performance not look so bad.

So, Otunga versus R-Truth is not the main event.  At least they won't make Vince Senior a lair.

But, before the match we have Justin Gabriel's attempt to gain immunity.  And, he smashes Slater's record with a time of 1:29.0, and even pauses in the middle of his run to briefly pose with a fan.

The key was Gabriel was able to drink the soda faster than the other participants.  Style points should also be given for being able to juggle with one hand.

Otunga follows in the fourth consecutive non-wrestling segment (if you count the Darren young backstage segment).  But, at least the challenges are somewhat physical and Young did take a bump on his butt when he jumped the barricade the second time.

Otunga was actually ahead of Gabriel's pace at one point (maybe the drinks are gimmicked so that the people they want to win are filled with more soda) but fumbles the juggling balls so Striker "starts over" his count.  Otunga finishes at 1:35.0, ahead of Slater but not good enough to take the lead.

Then to add insult to injury, Otunga has to face his pro in match right after his obstacle course run. 

R-Truth comes out doing his usual routine and Otunga gives us a great "yeah, yeah, whatever" facial.

R-Truth finally puts the microphone down, so we don't get to hear him commentate his own match.

The story of the match is that Otunga dominates early after a cheap shot when R-Truth was distracted by the referee.  But, after weathering the storm, R-Truth comes back and pins Otunga after a super kick followed by a corkscrew back elbow.  Not bad at all considering that R-Truth had to lead the match as the baby face.

We then go to the next obstacle course run, this time with Wade Barrett.  As I mentioned earlier, I don't anticipate that this will be Wade's event.

And it is not Wade's event, as Wade cannot negotiate the monkey bars and walks off (maybe complaining that the monkey bars were wet from the previous competitors).

I did hear one story a while back that on American Gladiators they always had competitors who were smaller than the gladiators because they would eliminate the larger people with a monkey bar or pull up challenge because the huge bulked up people would have trouble maneuvering all of that weight.

Also, in one of the TNA Ultimate X matches the implication was that Samoa Joe had trouble working with the cable because he was heavier than his hands could support hanging from the cable (at least in the storyline).

Speaking of huge and bulked up, Skip Sheffield is next.  However, in a shocking turn of events, Skip finishes in 131.2, just behind the winning pace.  The key to Skip's strong showing was his ability to chug the soda quickly.

After a commercial break it's Tarver's turn on the course.  All of the rookies are back out, lined up in front of the ring watching.  Will this be an angle?

Josh Mathews has a great comeback:

Cole: "You've probably spent a lot of time in the playground"

Mathews: "This in Tuesday.  You're thinking of your Monday night partner, Jerry 'the King' Lawyer."

Tarver is not able to finish the soda so he is disqualified.  Maybe it was a Coke and he prefers Pepsi?

Striker then goes for some interviews where we find out that Gabriel hopes that Otunga gets eliminated because Otunga annoys him.  We also finds out that Otunga doesn't care because the ratings go up when he is on the screen.  Then Tarver cuts one of his classic back assward promos saying that he should be eliminated so that the rest of the cast can be safe.

Skip is then asked who he thinks should go and he says Michael Tarver.  Tarver then takes offense to Sheffield agreeing with him.

We then see that Otunga and Justin still have unsettled issues.  Gabriel tries to go into business for himself by suggesting they get in the ring right now but he gets muted.

Wade Barrett gives his opinion that he agrees with Tarver that Tarver should go and that he won't miss him.

Daniel Bryan says that he should be eliminated since he hasn't won a match yet.  Justin's facials show that he doesn't agree with his fellow baby face's lack of confidence.

Will Young say that he should be let go because he is sick of SES?  He actually doesn't give an answer but goes down the row saying that he wants it more than the other competitors.  Wade, at the end of the line takes umbrage to this and pie faces Young which leads to brawl between Young and Barrett.  Barrett's guard defense is pretty good and he is able to reverse Young after initially being down.

No other competitor joins the brawl or starts his own brawl so at least we don't get a cliched wrasslin' show ending.

But, we do have Gabriel versus Otunga II and Young versus Barrett possibly for next week.

Now if Wade versus Darren was our main event, then even though it only lasted thirty seconds, I think that Vince Senior would have been happy.

I would like to see Bryan get eliminated next week.  He doesn't need to win the competition and could easily be brought up with Barrett as part of a heel stable with William Regal.

One random NXT thought before moving on: It takes WWE eleven episodes before they show us what the competitors think of each other?  Really?  This should have been doing this nearly every week.

So, will TUF have a better fight than Young versus Barrett?  Will Kyacey Uscola's beef with Tito's training techniques turn into an angle?  Let's roll the tape.

The announcer dude for UFC (who only does previews and recaps) has a Micheal Cole moment when he says that Kris McCray gassed out in the third round when Kris was shooting blanks by the start of the second round.

This is why you shouldn't have announcers...

Kyacey Uscola starts the show by blaming Kris McCray's loss to Josh Bryant on Tito making Kris do a heavy and different workout forty hours before his fight rather than letting him chill out, even though Tito had already chosen the fight.

Chuck reemerges from his "previous commitments" to talk up his remaining fighters.  Liddell must be doing something right since his fighters still seem happy to see him.  Being 4-1 as a team can do that.

Jamie Yager then dramatically confronts Kyacey over what he thinks is finger pointing.  Wait, no, he doesn't do that, he bitches behind Kyacey's back to Kris McCray.  Come on, Jamie, if you want to carry the team then act like a leader.

Hammortree is still in Tito's camp, feeling that the workout's haven't been inappropriate.  Nick Ring is also in Tito's camp, feeling that the workouts are actually easy compared to his usual routine.

Tito then brings the team together to get in touch with their feelings and settle the over training issue.

Kyacey gets called out by Tito but is able to make an honorable save by saying that he should have talked to the coaches about it rather than bitching to the boys.

Now, besides being a wimp, this is one reason I would never cut it as a MMA fighter, because during this segment I would have told Tito that his calling me out was dodging my question.  The fact that Kyacey's cardiovascular conditioning has gotten better is a completely different topic than having Kris McCray fight with inadequate rest.  And, then Tito would have kicked my skinny butt.

Next up, Dana "Wink Martindale" White leads a coaches challenge where the two coaches play dodge ball.  Wow, a show doesn't have to be a professional wrestling show to have wrestlecrap on it!

This is Dana's favorite part of the season?

Jamie tries to do a Wade Barrett and walk off with the prize money but Dana is too smart for that.

So the two four member coaching staffs play dodge ball.  zzz

Chuck's team wins if anyone cares.

Time for the fight announcement and Chuck is up to bat.  It shouldn't matter too much to Chuck because he only has his number six and number seven picks left, but he could make Tito's number one pick wait until the last fight so that he will have less chance to recover for the second round should he win.

Chuck goes with Court McGee of The Minority Report to fight Nick Ring.  So, that shoots my theory out of the water.  But, maybe Chuck knows that Jamie might feed some scouting reports to Court?

Nick Ring does a Ru Paul imitation on the stare down.  That was different, and actually kind of funny.

Court and Chuck are clearly concerned with Nick's kicking game.  Court is rocking an Amish beard, but will he be getting medieval on Nick's butt?

Court reveals that he is a former drug and alcohol addict but is some four years sober.

James Hammortree then has an injury in practice off of an innocuous looking move.  James does a full stretcher job.

Nick speaks with a slight lisp, and he was the one getting the late night massage by Charles Blachard, so I'm not sure if he wants to push the Ru Paul thing too hard.

However James is somewhat okay, in as much as his back isn't broken.

Nick is from Calgary, Alberta Canada.  Has he seen the inside of Stu Hart's dungeon?

We start the fight at around half way through the show.  So much for easy knockouts.

During breakfast before the fight James Hammortree says that he expects Nick to dry hump Court.  However, dry humping is all that Court manages to do after he takes Nick down in the first round.  However, later, when Nick gets Court down, Nick goes to town on him.

Nick doesn't finish or significantly hurt Court, but I would give Nick the first round.  However, Nick's habit of dropping his hands during the stand up is worrisome.

The second round shows that Court has come to fight with a full tank of gas as he goes toe to toe with Nick for the full round.  But, anything can happen if you leave it to the judges.

For some reason Chuck gets into an argument with Yager about who is winning the fight.

Nick wins it 20-18, 19-19, 20-18.  I would have scored it 19-19 but what do I know?

TUF kind of lives and dies by the fights, so this week wasn't too impressive.  Also, the coaches challenge was just as bad as the rookies challenge.  So, this week was full of fail for both shows.

Next week should be better as we get our first elimination on NXT and find out who the wild card fighters will be on TUF.

As for eliminations, the way the show has been booked would make it seem that Michael Tarver will be sent home.  However, if this show wasn't booked, then Daniel Bryan's confession that he should be sent home might change some minds with the pros.

If I was ranking the rookies this would be my list:

1) Wade Barrett (because Vince loves him some big guys)

2) Skip Sheffield (Vince would want him to be the next Snitsky or Heidenreich and to be honest Skip has more potential than those two, but I don't think Vince would ever make a dime off of him)

3) David Otunga (because the WWE writers drool over his Hollywood connections)

4) Darren Young (good size and look but not connecting well with the fans)

5) Justin Gabriel (someone who could grab the Hardy Boy demographic but could only be used as a tag team guy)

6) Heath Slater (good natural athlete but doesn't look all that tough)

7) Michael Tarver (bad gimmick, inconsistent facials)

7) Daniel Bryan (way too small, too over on the non-WWE circuit, too over with the WWE fans)

I view it a toss up between Bryan and Tarver to get the boot.

As for the wild card fighters, the following people have lost matches so far:

Kyacey Uscola (Tito)

Kris McCray (Tito)

James Hammortree (Tito) (possible back injury)

Clayton McKinney (Tito) (out with a shoulder injury)

Charles Blachard (Chuck) (out with an ankle injury)

Court McGee (Chuck)

I would have Court McGee fight Kris McCray and then have Kyacey Uscola replace the injured Rich Antonito in the quarter finals.

Neither Court nor Kris have been pinned or submitted, oops knocked out or submitted, so they seem like a good match up.  And, Rich broke his hand on Kyacey's head so Kyacey's disqualification had nothing to do with Rich's injury.

So, until next week, when a rookie bites the dust.

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