THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR ISSUE 13
By Craig Roll on 5/23/2010 12:21 PM
Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show, and we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but comes off like a good pro wrestling show.
Last week it was Empire Strikes back time as the WWE loaded up their show with three eliminations to counter a "scrubs" match on The Ultimate Fighter. But now, will the WWE feel the effects of this Hot Shotting? Will WWE be able to sustain the show with only five rookies?
On Monday Night RAW, two hoped for internet fan bookings did not come true. Brian Danielson did not substitute for Bret Hart against the Miz. However, this rumor could play out next week if Bret hands Dragon the title. Also, Micheal Tarver was not made the next Virgil (instead they brought back Mike Jones to reprise his original role). The Wrestlecrap crickets must have had an exhausting work out Monday night because no one cares about Virgil. Even Cody Rhodes and Golddust couldn't care less about Virgil even though Mike's gimmick name is a rib against thier father's shoot name (Dusty Rhodes/Virgil Runnels).
This week on NXT it's going to get a whole lot more lonely as another person is going to be "wished well in their future endevours" in those very words. To me, Young looks like the odd man out. But, we won't find out until we watch.
So, VTR ojama!
We start off with a recap of last week. In the recap it becomes clear that the WWE writers have no comprehension of the English language because they interpreted Daniel Bryan and Micheal Tarver saying that they should be illiminated as a response to a theoretical question as an indication that they didn't still want to win. Even though Traver was cutting a promo (if I'm eliminated then I won't have to kill the other people) and Bryan was talking about his winless record (which changed the day before on RAW).
But, does this surprise anyone?
Maybe saying "I should be eliminated" is something that is treated like saying "I am carrying a bomb" in an airport?
Matt Striker kicks us off and brings out our WWE pros. Will the pros of the eliminated rookies be dismissed from the show? Will they have to go through some humiliating penality game?
The pros come out but Carlito and R-Truth are not among them.
Wink Striker then asks the six pro what they are looking for in the remaining rookies.
For the Miz it's the "it" factor all the way. This is no surprise since The Miz and David Otunga have already been shown in a Bromance.
For Regal it's adaptability. During Regal's speech he takes a huge shot at The Miz by saying one minute he can be all smiles and comedy and the next minute he can be all over you and there's nothing anyone would be able do about it, saying the last part while staring at the Miz in a sinister manner.
C. M. Punk declines to explain his reasoning, saying that the people here don't deserve to hear it.
Christian also sides with the "it" factor. He says that one of the contestants has yet to show him the "it" factor, but maybe he can do it tonight?
Regal verbally jumps on Christian saying that Christian hasn't shown Regal the "it" factor in ten years.
Matt says that he's looking for people who can play the political game, who can survive both in the locker room and in the ring.
Jericho concludes this round of questions by saying that he's looking for someone who can make Chris Jericho want to spend his money to see wrestle.
And, after all this intellectual discourse, of course, it's time for some wrassling! Darren Young comes out and is is immediately heeled in a hillarious way by Punk. Punk indicates that he will be with him at ringside, but when Young goes to the ring Punk turns around and sits down! What a heel!
Will he fight one of the missing pros?
Young, without the stupid looking head band will face Wade Barrett with Chris Jericho in his corner. Young needs a win here to keep his record credible. His loss against Skip last week could come back to haunt him if he loses twice in a row.
This match is a followup from two weeks ago when Young and Barrett had a pull apart brawl at the end of the show.
And, this match is brutal! The story is that Wade knows that Young wants to brawl with him so he baits him early with some brawling and then powders to the floor. When Young follows Barrett ambushes him and takes control.
However, things get ugly when a punch by Young finds Barrett's busted nose. Barrett looks really hurt by this, and by the next three shots he takes right to the nose. However, Barrett gets his reciept by crotching Darren on the top turnbuckle and then kicking him right in his face! From there it was the forward attitude adjuster for the pin.
After the match Wade's nose looks a lot more crooked than when he started.
Then, as if we haven't had enough prerecorded spam telling the fans what to think, we have a repeat of what the pros think of David Otunga. Shoot me now.
We now have Daniel Bryan, Micheal Tarver and D.W. Striker in the ring. Will they still be allowed to stay at the house and train with their teams?
"Micheal Traver, what are your thoughts?" Oops, train wreck alert! But wait, it actually makes sense. He says that WWE management is a bunch of easily intimidated pencil pushers who are afraid of someone like him and that they had no authority to eliminiate him and were unprofessional enough not to eliminate him face to face.
Matt rightfully through brings up that Micheal's refusal to participate in the challenges wasn't very professional.
And, bam! We get a "vintage" (c) Michael Cole rambling Tarver rant that Striker has to cut off for time.
Then it's Daniel Bryan's turn to rant and he cuts an empassioned promo against the politics in the WWE, how the WWE doesn't like self made men and the WWE management favors big men rather than the people who could make the WWE, a publicly held company, money.
Then Striker gives him a second segment where he points out that Jericho and Regal know what Bryan is about in the ring and then calls out The Miz, saying that The Miz knows that Bryan is not only good, but better than The Miz.
Brian then blows off Striker trying to shut him up and confronts Cole, saying that he is nothing more than a puppet of VKM. Bryan then walks out of the ring and makes Cole his bitch until a swarm of referees pull him off.
If they want to rebuild Bryan this is a heck of a way to start! Will we now have a match between The Miz and Daniel Bryan with Cole in The Miz's corner?
We come back from commercial and Cole rightfully points out that this was a stupid way for Bryan to try to get a job and that he should be arrested, and, stunned, Josh can only agree.
But, time for some more violence as Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater face off for a technico on technico match, each cornered by their pros.
Cole decides that he is going to press charges against Bryan and leaves the broadcast booth.
The story of the match is that Heath gets an advantage early by staying ahead of Justin's flashy offense but eventually Justin's unorthidox RVD-styled strikes are enough to set up Heath for the 450 splash.
After the match all four follow the code of honor with the post match handshakes.
We then get a promo by Skip Sheffield who ping pongs from baby face to heel yet again saying he was eliminated because of his physique and because they were all afraid of him.
Next, we get some MORE Cena/Batista spam. Then, as if things couldn't get any worse, we are treated to the return of Micheal Cole who helps shill for the next WWE PPV.
On the other hand, the NXT pro C. M. Punk versus Rey Mysterio match, hair versus Straight Edge Society allegiance looks intriguing.
And then, another non-wrestling segment as WWE tells us what to think about Darren Young. Come on guys, this is a bunch of crap.
Matt then asks the pros to tally their scores, so I guess we are going to continue without the input of R-Truth or Carlito.
The only way it's not going to be Young now is if Wade voluntarily pulls out because of his nose.
Wade soilders on nosing out the competition to stay at number one.
David Otunga is number two even though he didn't compete at all. The WWE writers' man crush on Otunga is moving into the territory of sickening.
Slater moves up to number three even though he lost his match.
So, will it be the guy who won his match or the one who lost? Last week it was the winner who was sent home.
But, this week it's Darren Young's turn to hit the bricks.
Darren gives a farewell speech, saying that he respects the fans, and he respects the pros, even C. M. Punk, and he doesn't want to scream and holler, he just wants to say thank you.
Next week, yet another elimination!
Overall, not too bad. The NXT pros did a good job with their limited roles. I really think that the last part of the Daniel Bryan interview was a huge mistake. If Bryan had just taunted Cole from the ring, saying stuff like "Hey, Cole if I walked down there now, what would you do? Would you still be running your mouth?" that would have furthered their feud without making Bryan look like a thug. I'm sure a lot of people enjoyed watching Bryan make Cole his bitch, but this is this the way to make money off of the tension? And, why have Bryan cut a promo that gets a monster baby face reaction and then act like an out of control heel?
Instead of having Tarver or Sheffield come back for promos, I would have had Otunga fight some WWE pro and get squashed. The squash might actually raise his stock if he takes his beating like a man.
So, how will TUF respond to last week's ambush? Last week they promised a full plate with an injury angle, cough Nick's knee cough, the wildcard match of Kyacey Uscola vs Kris McCray for some punishment on punishment crime, and the picking of the semi-final matches.
So, VTR-ojama!
According to our announcer, we have two fights on tap as we will get the first semi-final match. Two can play at the hot shot game.
He start off with Uscola getting a phone call saying that his son is born. Normally, the fighters are not allowed to have an contact with home, but in this case I have no problem with them making an exception.
Tito will not be cornering this fight. Will Jamie be in Kris's corner?
Since we have two fights today we go pretty much directly into the action.
In the first round there was lots of dancing around and a lot of defensive work by Uscola. Toward the end of the round Kris gets a slam and takes Kyacey's back. It looks like Kris has a rear naked choke locked in at the end of the round but Kyacey is saved by the bell.
I would have to give the round to Kris for the flurry at the end of the round, but Kyacay might have screwed up Kris's leg with a kick.
We find out that the corner men are Nick Ring for Kyacey and Jamie for Kris.
In the second round Kris gets another takedown and goes after Kyacey's arm. While Kyacey didn't look like he was in trouble, five seconds later he is tapping to an arm lock.
Kyacey is understandably disappointed as he got owned on the ground and he was supposed to be the more experienced wrestler.
It's on to picking the semifinal matches. Chuck is no real help. Tito gives his opinion that Kyle, Brad, Ring, and Yager are the top four. Other than that, the meeting is not productive and Dana decides to figure it out himself.
Dana picks for the first fight Nick Ring vs Court McGee II, an attempt to see what would happen if there was a round three.
The other matches:
Tito: Kris McCray Liddel: Kyle Noke (1st)
Tito: Seth Baczynski Liddel: Brad Tavares
Tito: Jamie Yagar Liddel: Josh Bryant
Wow, one thing that leaps off the page here is that The Minority Report is represented in three of the four quarterfinal matches! Maybe they are the BDK after all?
Forrest Griffen does a run in at the house saying it was "date night" and brings with him the new UFC video game. The fighters enthusiastically put the game over. Maybe in a subliminal message they show as one of the match ups Rampage Jackson versus Rashaad Evans. However, the game would have had to have a twenty minute uncomfortably homoerotic trash talk mode to make that match up realistic.
We then find out that Nick has retorn his reconstructed ACL. He now must decide whether to gut it out and risk bad knee damage or pull out and have the surgery immediately.
Dana then shows up at the house and this is never a good sign.
Nick tells Dana that he wants out which seems from the outside like a smart decision, since we would be severely limited in what he would be able to do in the Octagon. But, no doubt that Dana is going to bury is ass for not wanting it.
Joe Henle immediately pencils himself back in since he is the only one left who isn't hurt.
Hammortree however shows ruthless agression and chases down Dana as he leaves and says he wants the shot.
Dana turns around and gives him the fight to the horror of Joe.
"Closed mouth don't get fed."
But, really, Tito would have given preference to Hammortree over Henle just to keep the all the matches Team Punishment versus Team Liddell.
We go straight to the fight since time is becoming an issue.
In the first round, we have Hammortree frustrate his coaches by only throwing around seven jabs the entire round. Other than that McGee got two takedowns and one reverse to Hammortree's one takedown, so I would have to give the round to McGee.
Tito tells Hammortree to try for a takedown in between rounds. He does and immediately gets caught in a guillotine choke and taps at once. And, even then he might not of tapped quick enough as he almost passes out after the hold is released.
So, next week, two more matches and shocking news involving Tito.
Strangely enough I would have to give NXT the nod this week. At least the NXT eliminations seem to be "final" rather than the TUF eliminations seeming to be double eliminations. And, at least the coaches on NXT (or at least the ones that cared to show up) seemed to be a lot more into the show than the TUF coaches.
