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During the past week, Spike TV has teased us with promos for this week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, promising to “shock every fan of Tito Ortiz.” Given the lackluster effort the former light-heavyweight champion has put into coaching his team this season, the most shocking thing for viewers to see would probably be Tito actually caring about his fighters’ training and performance. Instead, we will apparently see a pull-apart tonight between Ortiz and rival coach Chuck Liddell, an incident sure to generate interest in their matchup at the end of the season…which, by the way, is no longer happening. I don’t know about you, but I’m on the edge of my seat for this one – can’t wait to get started!
As a camera pans the gym, scanning past autographed jerseys from previous, superior seasons, we move right to the scale to weigh in for this week’s first quarterfinal bout. As Kyle Noke and his Australia-adorned underwear step on the scale, UFC president Dana White tells us that Kyle and his opponent, Kris McCray, are having to fight despite being friends. Tito, who sounds as if he swallowed a bowl of rocks prior to his interview, says that whoever has more heart will win.
After sitting through a seemingly endless montage of Las Vegas scenic shots, we see Tito walk into the gym as Clayton McKinney recaps his history of neck injuries. Maybe it’s from downing energy drinks, like the one Tito pounds on his way in. Tito tells a few guys in the gym that his doctor has recommended he undergo neck surgery, explaining that he doesn’t want to have to compete at anything less than 100 percent. Perhaps Tito should talk to Nick Ring before telling Dana he refuses compete with a serious injury – we all know how well that went over last week. Tito says he’s willing to put the surgery issue in God’s hands, apparently not realizing that even God has stopped watching this season.
We see the sun rising over Sin City, meaning it’s fight day. Both guys address the awkwardness of having to fight a friend, but Kyle ultimately sees it as a step toward the next stage of his career. Kris, meanwhile, says he will have to stay smart to win. What do you mean, stay smart?
After the Tale of the Tape shows us Kyle’s significant advantage in both size and experience, we get under way. Kris eats a big knee en route to earning the bout’s first takedown, but does basically nothing from half guard and loses his position. The fighters return to their feet and lock up in the center of the cage, where Kris earns another crisp takedown. Kyle escapes, however, hitting Kris with a solid knee and cinching in a standing guillotine, only to lose it and end up on his back. Kris again works from inside the guard, but spends the final minute of the round lying on top of Kyle and doing no damage.
Round 2 starts with both guys already looking winded. Kris musters the strength to pick Kyle up and slam him to the mat, then does it again when Kyle stands up. Kris maintains top position and again does very little, though both guys throw the occasional elbow. With about 2:40 in the round, I’m pretty sure a tooth fall onto the mat, presumably from Kris’ mouth. Finally, some excitement! Out of nowhere, Kyle reverses position and takes Kris’ back, trying desperately for a rear naked choke. Kris perseveres, though, reversing Kyle and finishing the round with yet more lay-and-pray.
Dana apparently believes he is on the set of “Swingers,” walking into the cage and saying to no one in particular, “That’s it, baby. It’s over, baby.” Both guys look exhausted and must be breathing a sigh of relief over the news…that is, assuming either one has enough air in his lungs to even take a deep breath. All of a sudden, though, Dana announces that there will in fact be a third round, dismissing the mistake as “my bad.” You know, kind of like the entire season itself.
The third round starts with Kris throwing a couple of decent-looking strikes, then going for a takedown that Kyle initially stuffs but finally gives up. As has become the norm, Kris does nothing from the top, prompting Chuck to complain out loud. Kris does start to pick up the pace, though, and in fact lands a nice elbow just as Chuck mumbles, “He’s not doing anything.” Kyle comes close to running a kimura, but a sweaty Kris slides right out. With a minute left, referee Steve Mazzagatti stands the fighters up, but Kris manages to push Kyle against the fence and hold him there until the horn sounds. Dana announces the judges’ unanimous 10-9 decision for Kris.
It’s time for our next fight, as both Brad Tavares and Seth Baczynski weigh in under the 186-lb limit. Dana goes on the record to predict a victory for Brad, which given Dana’s record of predictions means that the opposite will probably happen. Later, Chuck makes an appearance at the house, where Team Ortiz member Kyacey Uscola sells out his coach and tells Chuck about Tito’s injury. Chuck goes on a profanity-laden tirade about Tito’s cowardice. Ironically, the censor-button-rich speech is actually more intelligible than most of the dialogue Chuck has slurred his way through this season.
Fight day has arrived, and both guys arrive in their respective locker rooms to an inordinate amount of hugs. Brad acknowledges his youth and lack of experience, but says he welcomes the challenge and likes “having to fight all of these old men.” Yeah, because nothing says “badass” like wanting to fight old men. Seth is excited to fight, describing the art of combat as “tight” and “the way I like to roll.” Yo, that’s hella sick, bro.
The bout starts with both fighters exchanging leg kicks, then winging punches at each other before Seth gets the first takedown. Seth quickly takes Brad’s back and locks in a body triangle, which he holds for several minutes until Brad slides through and takes top position. Seth goes for a triangle, but Brad slams him twice and breaks free. Seth stands up toward the end of the round, but Brad peppers him with big punches, only to lose his footing with seconds left. Just as the horn sounds, Seth unleashes a kick that crashes straight into his skull. Brad stumbles into his corner and collapses, asking what he was hit with.
As the doctor looks him over, Brad appears to be stunned but not out of it, correctly identifying assistant coach John Hackleman when asked. But, suddenly appearing to catch on to his coaches’ efforts to make him appear unable to continue, Brad suddenly attempts to act punch-drunk, woozily asking, “What happened?” Despite being about as believable as Tito claiming to have competed in his last fight with a cracked skull, Brad implicitly convinces the doctor to call the fight, and Seth is disqualified.
Replays show that Brad definitely took a solid shot to the side of the head and, despite his seemingly inconsistent behavior while being observed by the doctor, was legitimately knocked for a loop by an illegal blow. Seth explains that he felt bad for the kick and apologizes to Brad several times, and while both sides agree it is an unfortunate way for the fight to end, everyone seems to understand…until a second doctor convinces Tito that the kick actually landed on Brad’s chest, not his head.
Team Ortiz’s coaches complain about the decision, with Saul Soliz calling it a “gift” for Team Liddell. Rich Attonito, who won his preliminary bout for Team Liddell before having to drop out with a broken hand, responds by calling Soliz a “fat f*ck.” Brilliant move, Rich – what better time to insult an MMA boxing coach than when you have a broken hand? Another eliminated Team Liddell fighter, Joe Henle, also begins to run his mouth at Tito, which leads the coach to come at him. Suddenly, despite nine episodes’ worth of indifference, Chuck claims to care about protecting his fighters, and takes off after Tito. Fighters and coaches from both sides intervene, keeping the coaches apart.
Moments later, Dana calls Chuck into a private meeting, and tells him that Tito has pulled out of their fight. Chuck fumbles for his cell phone, then stands up and promises to find and punch Tito…a dramatic ending that is negated mere seconds later, when a preview shows that Chuck has instead decided to stay in the room and talk to Dana some more.
Random thoughts:
What more do you need to know about how much this show’s producers care about this season’s fighters, when the first words spoken in this week’s episode are an advertisement for the Marine Corps?
If Dana really believes that there are no friends in the UFC, why doesn’t he make teammates like Josh Koscheck, Jon Fitch and Mike Swick fight each other?
Is anyone else surprised that Tito didn’t wait until after his fight with Chuck to tell us about his injury, so he could have yet another physical ailment to blame a loss on?
Although it was a little self-serving for host Amir Sadollah, wasn’t this week’s “Inside The Octagon” segment actually informative for once?
After that first takedown, could Kris have ignored Tito’s advice any more than he did?
Did you notice Kyle’s black toenail polish?
Does Dana really think that having his microphone turned up, allowing us to hear his thoughts on the fight as it happens, will help us understand it?
Didn’t you love the ad for “UFC Undisputed 2010” showing Chuck saying, “You want to be a fighter? This is how.”
How ironic is it that a game called “undisputed” features Brock Lesnar on the cover, considering he is not currently the undisputed heavyweight champion?
Did Chuck really think he was helping by yelling to Kris generic advice like, “You gotta get out there”?
I can understand Tito not liking the judges declaring the Kyle-Kris fight a draw, but why would he react by saying, “Welcome to Team Ortiz”?
After watching Kyle’s performance, isn’t it hard to believe that he was Chuck’s first pick?
Then again, considering that Chuck based his picks on an internet search of the fighters’ records, is it actually that hard to believe?
When Tito was being interviewed during the Brad-Seth weigh-in, did you see the guy in the background, walking around wearing nothing but a towel?
Not that I’m complaining, but how boring must life at the house have been that this season has featured so much footage from the gym?
During his verbal tirade at the house, why did Chuck say Tito had better not back out of their fight, then moments later say Tito should have surgery in order to save himself from a beating?
On fight day, did Brad really need to wear a microphone while he washed his face?
Wow, how much does Tito like to tell his fighters to look for underhooks?
As Brad stumbled into his corner after the illegal kick, why did the cameras cut to a reaction shot from Dana?
Despite the questionable conclusion, wasn’t John Hackleman right on when he simply said, “That was a good fight”?
When he called MMA a “civilized sport” during the pull-apart, why was Dana licking his lips like a lizard?
Is it just a coincidence that the only two pull-aparts between TUF coaches have involved Tito?
Why had Dana been waiting to tell Chuck that Tito had pulled out of their fight?
Why has this show gone into an unannounced overrun for two consecutive weeks?
And, given the lack of compelling storytelling this season, do they really need the extra five minutes?
Mark Carpowich can be contacted at markcarpowich@hotmail.com.
