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THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR ISSUE 14

Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show, and we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but comes off like a good pro wrestling show.

Last week it was the elimination of Darren Young, plus the revenge of Daniel Bryan.  This week, we are promised one more elimination.

One person that I am not expecting to be eliminated is David Otunga.  It's clear that the WWE writers must have some cheesecake poster of Otunga hanging on their wall.  How can someone maintain a number two position and not do anything on the show?

I would also be surprised if Wade Barrett is eliminated.  He's big, he gets heat, he can work, and comes from a legitimate fighting background.  What's not to like?

So, it's down to Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel, the one man rock band versus the aspiring Jonas Brother.  I think that both of the them should get contracts.  Heck, put them together and you'd have a Rock 'n' Roll Express vibe.

So, this show promises many tears, as probably one of the baby faces will be cut.

But, since there is an even number of people, we might get even more tears and have to watch Otunga's pathetic excuse for wrestling.

So, looking at the images through partly opened fingers, VTR, come on!

A different opening!  This is okay by me because the song is kind of old by now.  (Also, they probably didn't want Carlito's picture in the credits any more.)

And, as they did last week, we start with the WWE pros coming out.  And, like last week, we won't be getting all of them since last week Carlito was bounced from the company for not wanting to go into rehabilitation for pain killer addiction.

Another thing we might not see is C. M. Punk's hair since he lost his hair in a match to Rey Mysterio.  He also got staples in his head so I hope we don't have to see too much of his wounds.

A ha!  Due to the events at the PPV, C. M. Punk will not be joining us.

R-Truth comes out rocking his U. S. Title.

No mention of why Carlito isn't there.

Then it's rookies time.  The rookies come out to a new song.  But, it's probably not Wade Barrett's promised theme song.

So, next week is the season finale.  I though the "season" was going seventeen weeks, but, then again, this is a WWE project with a three letter acronym, like WBF, and XFL, so perhaps death is always nearer than you think?

Promo challenge?  Striker asks the rookies who they think should go home.  Expect an Otunga hate-athon, but don't expect Otunga to leave.

I stand corrected.  Although Barrett hates Justin "not man enough" Gabriel and David "wrestles like a Benny Hill episode" Otunga, he thinks that Heath "the Ginger Ninja" Slater should be sent packing.

Justin is more decisive, saying that Otunga should go for his poor ring skills.

Otunga says that he can buy Barrett and even though Carrot Top's evil twin irritates him, he has to say that Justin should go because he's a glorified gymnast who freezes like a deer in the headlights with a microphone.

Now, if Slater picks Barrett, then I'm calling work, because they will probably use this to make the pairings.

Yup, Slater not only picks on Barrett but shoots on Wade's propensity to get his nose broken in ring.

So, coming up, tag team action were the rookies will team with their pros.

And, I stand corrected.  The first match will not be Team Hip Hop vs Team Mattitude, but Team Hip Hop vs Christian Slater.  This will be good if Otunga cops an attitude and doesn't tag in.

Team Hip Hop wins when Otunga rolls through a flying body press by Heath Slater for the pin fall.  Well, kind of rolls through.  Otunga is so clueless that Slater has to save the spot by grabbing his leg and pulling him into position.  The match also really dragged when Otunga was in.

However, we haven't seen the last of the Bryan vs Cole spam as Cole has demanded a public apology from Bryan.

We're back in the ring and we have Michael Cole and four independent workers dressed up as security guards.  I wonder were this is going.

"The most traumatic and unprofessional thing that has ever happened to me in my career."  Hey Cole, I guess this means you're over Heidenreich's private poetry recital?

Bryan apologizes for Cole being pathetic.  This leads to Cole cutting a promo on Bryan saying that Bryan tapped out of the competition because he had no heart.  Cole then slaps Bryan.  This leads to Bryan snapping and bum rushing Cole.  Bryan is held back by the guards but escapes and briefly gets his hands on Cole.

The guards finally force Bryan up the ramp, but then The Miz confronts Bryan and Bryan punches The Miz right in the face.  This leads to a rather good olde school pull apart brawl between The Miz and Bryan before Bryan is finally pushed to the back by the guards.

Afterward we get Striker and Mathews debating on whether Bryan was justified in his actions.

Then we are set for Team Mattitude vs Team Lion Heart.

Actually I stand corrected, it is a singles bout between Justin and Wade.  Justin has a singles win over Wade from early in the competition, one would think that Wade gets the victory back tonight.  Hopefully, Wade is a forgiving kind of guy and doesn't hold the errant forearm than Justin plastered his nose with against Justin.

"Constantly going for submissions holds ..."  Striker, are you really talking about Wade here?

And, once again, I stand corrected as Wade looks at the lights after the 450 splash.

However, Wade made the much smaller Justin look good in the ring by selling Justin's rather stiff offense.

So, if we look at it logically, Heath should be going home since he lost and Gabriel pinned the number one guy.  But, this is NXT.

But, before we get results, we have to sit through a RAW rebound.  At least we have seen the end of the Cena Batista spam as Batista quits the WWE.

And, it's time for an elimination.  The rankings are:

Wade holds on to number one even though he loses.  It's good to be big.

As predicted, Otunga survives, staying at number two.  I have absolutely no idea what Otunga would do in the WWE though.

And, Justin rides his win to number three and sends the "Ginger Ninja" packing.

Striker asks Christian why he felt that Heath was eliminated and Christian reveals that he thought that Heath had a long hard road to travel if he was going to win the competition but was proud that he lasted this long.  However, he couldn't point to a overall reason why he didn't make the cut.

The Miz chimes in next.  He says that Heath was inconstant and needed to show fire every time he came out.

R-Truth reminds Heath that is survival of the fittest.

Jericho steps up and says it didn't matter that Heath got eliminated because Wade was going to win.  But, Wade wasn't going to win if he keeps letting clowns like Gabriel pin him.

Heath then talks up his accomplishments on the show and says that the fans should get ready for an encore.

Not unlike NXT this week, last week on TUF we were promised two quarter final bouts and a major angle for this week.

We have at least one member of The Minority Report in each of the three final quarter final bouts.  Also, each match is a Team Liddell vs Team Punishment bout.  Team Liddell has already placed one person into the semi-finals as Court McGee forced Hammortree to tap out to the standing guillotine choke.

The stage is now set for a slobber knocker.  VTR, come on!

So, both teams will be reeling from the shocking news?  Well, it had better be shocking after all this build up.

At the first match with feature some Minority Report on Minority Report violence as a rested Kyle Noke takes on Kris McCray who has already fought twice.  It is noted that Noke and McCray have trained together before the competition, so this promises some high bromance drama.

Tito then drops the bombshell: he has a bulging disk between C6 and C7 and needs surgery.

But not needing neck surgery, at least not yet are Noke and McCray who roll out for their fight.  We have two to get through today so there is no time to waste.

The first round is a heated affair as McCray takes Noke down at three different occasions but Noke's defense from the ground is impeccable.  Noke gets about one take down into a guillotine choke but McCray is able to escape.

I can see the judges giving the round to McCray, but the round might have taken a lot out of McCray who was visibly tired toward the end of the round.

The second round seems to be more of the same with McCray getting a take down and going to work.  However, with about two minutes to go, Noke reverses and nearly completes a rear naked choke on an exhausted McCray.  But, McCray perseveres and finally reverses back into guard and finishes the round on top.

I don't think we're going long here.

But, I stand corrected, as the judges declare it a draw.  No idea why, but what can you do?

The third round is more of the same, only slower as both fighters seem spent by this point.  McCray gets a take down in the first thirty seconds and then lays on Noke until they are stood up with one minute to go.

Kris is declared the winner, but I'm not sure we needed a lifeless third round to figure that out.

Brad Tavares takes on Seth Baczynski next.  Both fighters have had fights go the distance, so will we get another broadway today?

Liddell finds out about Tito's proposed surgery for Team Punishment and eloquently shares his feelings.  Well, I am assuming it was eloquent but I couldn't tell for sure because ninety percent of it was bleeped out.

Seth does the Matt Mitrione carefree skip to the octagon.

The first round has an interesting story.  Seth gets a take down and then transitions to a body lock.  Seth rides the body lock for a while, even sinking in a rear naked choke.  I was flashing back to Dory Funk Jr. versus Jack Brisco during this.  Finally, Brad reverses but still takes a lot of punishment from the bottom.  Finally, Brad seems to have turned things around with a couple of power slams, but Seth continues to battle for a submission.  In the final seconds of the round both men swing wildly and Seth knocks Brad down and then kicks him in the head as the buzzer sounds.

The replay shows that Seth used the Randy Orton concussion kick and that Brad was temporarily knocked out.

Brad wins by disqualification.

Tito and his assistant coaches start making noise about this being the "second gift" that Team Liddell has received.  Rich Antonito takes umbrage to this, claiming that he was kneed in the head twice, so that hardly should be called a gift.

This nearly leads to a pull apart between Chuck and Tito.

Then comes the final twist of the episode.  Dana pulls Chuck into a private room and tells him that for the second season in a row the scheduled fight will not be happening as Tito will be getting surgery.  Chuck lumbers off, looking to punch out Tito.

Next week, the final quarter final match of Jamie Yagar versus Josh Bryant with the teaser line that the fight will end in anarchy, along with the semifinal announcements.  Will Tito be sent packing?

This week was pretty close.

The Tito vs Chuck and the Bryan vs Cole and The Miz angles were both really well done and heated.

The tag match on NXT was okay while Otunga wasn't in, and the first match on TUF started okay but lost steam.

The second bout on TUF was really good and heated with a shocking twist at the end.  Barrett vs Gabriel II was good because of Barrett's selling.

So, this week is kind of too close to call.

Next week, who will be the next WWE superstar?

If it is Wade Barrett who does he challenge?  Or, does he do the mercenary thing and allow Jericho to buy his title shot?  Maybe Wade would go after R-Truth since Truth is the only pro currently with a title.

If it is David Otunga the fans riot.  No wait, that was Cena at One Night Stand.  Otunga is a joke so it doesn't matter.

If it is Justin Gabriel, maybe they will continue the angle that started on Smackdown where Matt "fat" Hardy was "suspended without pay" for attacking Drew McIntyre.  Maybe Drew will regain a title and Justin will come after him to avenge his treatment of Matt.

As for Jamie Yagar versus Josh Bryant, due to Jamie's explosive striking I could see Jamie screwing Josh up either winning by knock out or fouling.