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Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show, and we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but comes off like a good pro wrestling show.
It's the last episode of the first season of NXT, the episode where we find out who "wins" the competition.
However, if one watched RAW where Daniel Bryan got a one night contract and defeated Th*%e Miz and also got one up on Michael Cole then one would already know that Bryan is already a "winner" of the show.
And, while the first season was a horrible botch in terms of continuity, action and character development, it was light years ahead of * usual way of "bringing up" new talent: put them in developmental for eight years, bring them up for one week with a ridiculous gimmick to be squashed by some established "star" and then released when "creative" has "nothing for them".
So, no matter who "wins" tonight, the Jonas brother, the star boinker, or the bare knuckle brawler, they will be set up to succeed in the WWE rather than fail.
Will this be the WWE's last episode of NXT? It's possible that NXT might become a victim of its own success. NXT season one might get four or five peopl*ée up to the main roster. If you repeated that every fifteen weeks for a couple of years you will have replaced most of the WWE roster.
There's a reason why American Idol doesn't crown a new winner every fifteen weeks: they would lose the novelty pretty fast. So, what does WWE do, considering that they are expected to fill up a time slot every week? They can't really do a women's version of NXT because they don't already have any women wrestlers on the roster to be the pros. Same deal with tag team wrestling.
The UFC solved this problem by running shows like "UFC's Greatest Knockouts" instead of running TUF into the ground by running the show continuously. Of course, some would say that the show has already run itself into the ground, but that's another story.
What should the WWE do? I don't know. But, that's okay since VKM does not pay me to know.
But, before we get to the W*¡WE's problem next week, let's find out the winner of season one, VTR come on!
We start off with the obligatory WWE overproduced musical montage recapping the season so far. They also play a little bit of the opening but they leave off the pros section. This is not only because Carlito is not longer with WWE in real life, but also because Matt Hardy is "indefinitely suspended without pay" in the storyline. Not even to mention the fact that C. M. Punk is now being played by Chikara/Ring of Honor star Delirious.
We start off with Matt in the ring who introduces the eliminated rookies who have front row seats for tonight's festivities. Well, so much for people being "safe" from Michael Tarver if he was eliminated. While everyone else looks totally uncomfortable, Young is still working the crowd as if he still has a chance to win the show.
Then it's time for the pros and Matt Hardy comes out! Does the suspension only apply * to Smackdown?
However, Punk is rocking his mask so this isn't totally bizzaro world.
Finally, the rookies come down to ringside. What challenge awaits them tonight?
Matt drops the news: there will be two polls tonight and the rookies will go at it in a triple threat match next.
But, Josh then drops a huge bombshell: Season Deux starts next week and the pros and rookies will be introduced during the show. This of course means it will be Lo Ki (Kaval) time. He might make Daniel Bryan look like a giant, but NO ONE would ever take this guy lightly. Especially since he can punt your head into the third row.
Husky Harris will be on tap, grandson of Blackjack Mulligan and son of IRS. He will be paired with Cody Rhodes, son of a son of a plumber, baby. A Mulligan and a Rhodes together, can any good come of this?
Another pairing will be John Morrison and Eli Cottonwood. Eli is seven foot one and three hundred pounds.
In the elimination match Wade takes the first fall, pinning Otunga. Otunga had been t**aken out by Gabriel's 450 splash but Wade yanked Gabriel out of the ring so that he can get the pin fall himself.
So, now it's down to Wade and Gabriel again. Will Wade finally get his heat back?
In the second fall Wade works over Gabriel's ribs which are already sore from the 450 splash. Gabriel escapes Wade's finisher and then uses an STO variant to set up Wade for the 450 splash. However, Wade also has Gabriel scouted and gets his knees up to take Gabriel out and Wade then scores an easy pin fall.
Mor*^e season two spam is next as M.V.P. is paired with Percy Watson. Wow, so far I like all of the WWE pros! Percy looks like a cross between MC Hammer and Humpty from Digital Underground.
Zack Ryder is going to be a season two pro? Shouldn't he be a rookie? He's paired with Titus O'Neil, a charisma-less ex-football player. Come on, WWE, UFC tried last season with some ex-football players and most of them were busts.
Time for the first elimination, but first Striker gets the opinions of the eliminated rookies.
Tarver thinks that he should be eliminated and Striker doesn't even bother to make sense of what he is saying.
Bryan says that Wade should win it all since Otunga can't wrestle and Gabriel can't talk.
Skip Sheffield doesn't care who wins and again flip flops between heel and face.
Darren Young cuts a really good promo for Barrett that ge*ƒts some good crowd heat.
Even Slater gives grudging respect for Barrett.
But, what do the pro's think?
Number one is, quite logically since he was number one last week and won this week, Wade Barrett.
Number two and still alive is, quite illogically since he sucks and was the first man pinned tonight, David Otunga.
So, the Jonas Brother hits the bricks. He then cuts about as good a promo as we can expect from him as he promises to keep trying until he makes it in the WWE.
Lay Cool are going to be the pros for Kaval? Oh my god. Will Lo Ki be wishing he got The Miz?
Mark Henry will be the mentor of Lucky Cannon who looks pretty vanilla but we are promised that he has an interesting back story for next week.
We then get a sixty second promo challenge which is sixty seconds more than I would like to hear from Otunga.
Kofi Kingston is our next season two pro and he will coach Michael McGillicutty, the son o*¥f Curt Hennig who promises ruthless aggression.
Hold the phone. Quinton Rampage Jackson will be one of the guest hosts of RAW next week. Is this a UFC invasion?
In season two the WWE universe will get it's say as the pro's and the universe will be fifty-fifty in the voting. Cough work cough. Well, if WWE knows what is good for them they will let the fans vote and they will listen.
But, before we get to the final vote, The Miz has an announcement: He will be the final season two pro and he will mentor Alex Riley. Somehow, I see Rick Astley, but maybe that's just me. Please, let his finishing move be the spinning neck breaker which can be renamed the Rick Roll. It's a license to print money.
But, before we get to the winner the pros start some drama of their own as Regal wants someone to make his day and get physical with him but all he can get is R-Truth hitting him with some break dance moves.
The d*rama goes nowhere other than Punk taking a powder to the back.
So, the winner is: Wade f'n' Barrett so the fans do not riot.
Wade then cuts an acceptable promo to wrap us up.
Then to kill time they repeat the overproduced musical montage from the beginning of the show.
So, no surprises other than season two. Can TUF counter? They promise a major angle, the semi-final pairings and a fight that ends in anarchy.
Sounds good to me. VTR, take us away!
Dana will make one of the most shocking decisions in UFC history? Don't tease us now.
We continue from last week when Chuck Liddell gets the shocking news that he will not have the opportunity to try to punch Tito in the head at the end of the season. Chuck, to his credit, does not go caveman but instead eloquently expresses his disappointment to Dana. Seriously.
The weigh in is next and both The Minority Report's Jamie Yagar and Team Liddell's Josh Bryant make weight. Jamie, with his afro, is some two feet taller than Josh.
Jamie is supremely confide*┬nt. He views Josh as a similar type of fighter to Charles Blachard, a wrestler who will be looking for the take down and not be able to defend his chin.
Josh says that his game plan is almost exactly what Jamie is expecting.
Strangely, Jamie says that Josh will not want to trade punches with him because of Jamie's reach advantage. However, the tale of the tape says that they have identical reaches.
The first round is very interesting. Jamie has a clear advantage in the striking and even though Josh gets three opportunities to try to take Jamie down Jamie only goes down at the the end of the round and Josh does no damage. I would say that Jamie clearly took the round unless the judges are blinded by the late take down.
The second round is similar to the first only this time Jamie is a little more worn out and Jamie seems to show no effects from being punched or kicked by Jamie. Although Jamie throws every strike known to man at Josh, Josh t*akes Jamie down with a minute and a half left in the round and stays on top inflicting punishment until the end of the round.
This one wouldn't surprise me if they give Josh the second round.
At the end of the round either Jamie is doing a good job playing possum or he is totally gassed out.
But, he is not playing possum and Jamie cannot answer the bell! Winner by referee stoppage Josh Bryant!
So the semi-finals will have only two members of the Minority Report.
After the fight Tito walks around saying that Jamie had no heart and casts aspersion on his masculinity. This is right after he pulled out of his own fight. Pot, meet kettle.
So, the fight ends in a shocking way, but I didn't see any anarchy. So much for truth in advertising.
Then Dana drops the bomb on Tito. Dana is sending Tito to see a neck specialist for a second opinion. However, Tito will no longer be coaching and Dana was already found another person to fight Chuck.
So, next will be the stirring goodbye speech from Tito to his tro**ops.
...
Oops. Tito powders without saying a word to his team who are sitting around in the van with their thumbs up their butts wondering what the heck is going on.
So, D.W. is the one who has to break the news.
Jamie then gets back to house from the hospital. He has some damage to the muscles in his neck but is otherwise okay. However, he knows that he must now bear a burden of heavy shame for not being able to answer the bell.
Then Tito finally shows up. He cuts a good promo and leaves his team o*ón a positive note.
Then, it's time for the semi-final match ups. The Minority Report's Brad Tavares takes on Court McGee and Josh Bryant takes on The Minority Report's Kris McCray in a rematch.
Then we meet the new coach for Team Punishment, Rich Franklin. His assistant coach is a former UFC champion, but we won't find out until next week who it is.
Next week, a two hour special where we see both semi-final fights.
I would give the week to the WWE. The gimmick of introducing the next season worked well and Regal's antics on the microphone were every entertaining. On UFC we again had things that were promised but not delivered. The fight was really good, and while I agree with Jamie's decision to not want to go out against a fresh as a daisy Josh Bryant without being able to hold his head up straight, it was a bummer that someone who had ran his mouth all season wound up in such an embarrassing situation.
