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Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show.
And, there was only one.
UFC is now on their typical hiatus which they take after every The Ultimate Fighter season. Since TUF has lasted eleven seasons, this strategy seems to have paid off so far.
But, on the other hand, the NXT train continues to plug away. And, speaking of trains, will the Kaval express become more dismal than the Daniel Bryan express?
And, is Matt Striker going to apply for hazardous duty pay since he still has to be around Cody Rhodes and Husky Harris?
VTR come on!
We open hot with Ashley Valence on stage to announce the results of the pros/universe poll.
My ordering (not that it means much) would be:
1) Husky Harris
2) Michael McGillicutty
3) Percy Watson (oh yeah!)
4) Kaval (still on the Daniel Bryan express)
5) Alex Riley (sucks but could still get better)
6) Lucky Cannon (unlucky in charisma)
7) Eli Cottonwood (Tursas of the BDK needs to do a run in and sit on him)
8) Titus O'Neil (I remember a day when some good wrestlers were ex-football players)
Well, actually, the voting results will be at the end of the show as voting has now opened so that the universe can have its say.
Which of course means that this week's show will be HEAVILY booked so that the people that WWE management wants to go over will go over.
Ashley then brings out your voting candidates, the NXT rookies.
Titus has a T-shirt proclaiming that "Life is a game, make it a win!" He should be voted off just for that.
Percy is rocking blue geek glasses this week as opposed to his usual red. Does each color have a meaning, like Wade "visa problems" Barrett's roses?
Ashley then drops the bomb. The person ranked last on this week's pole "goes home". (Actually, they will still be on the show every week cutting crybaby promos, but let's put that aside for now.)
Did one of the rookies piss off management? Did Michael Cole get an email?
But, there is a way to get immunity and Matt Striker knows the way.
(BTW, we're only three minutes into the show and already Cole is having a hall of fame level game at being annoying.)
You guessed it, it's a rookie challenge! Last week I wondered if the lack of competition is going to make WWE stop trying to put on an athletic product and we get the answer to that question at once.
And, just to show how "original" they are, we get Keg Karrying part deux. This was won last season by Heath Slater. Daniel Bryan had the slowest time last year. Will Kaval get off the Daniel Bryan express here? Will Titus out do Michael Tarver by dropping the keg three times? Will Husky Harris say screw this and run off with the keg and then return it empty later in the show?
Michael McGillicutty is up first. He drops the keg out of the gate and is disqualified. Michael says that he was out with Husky the night before and they were dealing with kegs but the were not as heavy as this one.
Lucky Harris is next. He has the size and power to get a good time, but does he have the technique and dexterity? And, he does! The time is 12.7 seconds, which is good, but not as good as Heath's winning time of 12.0 seconds last year.
Percy Watson is up next and he sort of struts his way around the ring with the keg and gets a respectable score of 13.0 seconds.
Eli Cottonwood is next. This should be ugly. Eli doesn't really look that strong or coordinated.
He doesn't look too bad (although it looked like he was slacking off in the first half of the run). His time 13.3.
So, on the first season, the times got progressively better and on this season the times are getting progressively worse?
Kavak is next, someone who might be outweighed by the keg. He smartly declines to compete saying that the stunt was too risky for him to try.
Titus O'Neil is next. One would think that this would be his "event" but that didn't help Skip Sheffield last year.
And, darn it if he does not out do Michael Tarver in the ineptitude department, not only dropping the keg but getting bumped by the keg! Kaval is proven right!
Titus then cuts a PSA against drinking and driving. Maybe the reason that ex-footballers don't make good wrestlers is that they get hit in the head too often?
Husky Harris, who according to McGillicutty is no stranger to kegs, is next.
Unfortunately, Harris has a "misfunction at the junction" and seems to pull a hamstring halfway through the run and drops the keg.
Striker must have large grapefruits because he asks Harris what happened to him. Harris complements striker's courage and blows off the question.
Last up is "A-Rod" Alex Riley. Um, excuse me, THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. How do you shorten Riley into Rod?
Alex looks like a dork carrying the keg and finishes in 13.8. It is the forth highest score, but then again four other people did not finish.
So, Lucky Harris will be back next week! And, that wasn't luck, that was skill.
Lucky then cuts a baby face promo. It's not too bad, but not too exciting either.
Okay, they're calling him A-Ri. Kind of makes sense, if you were at a indy show in front of fifty people.
Since we haven't had enough non-wrestling stuff on the show, we get some more promo package spam, this time for Percy Watson.
I give him this, if he makes the main roster, Percy is someone who can talk people into the seats. And, he still seems to have all of his faculties even after playing pro football and trading commodities, two professions known for ruining the minds of those who participate.
Next up, Harris vs MVP. Will MVP be going after Husky's hamstring?
Did you know that every week that NXT has been on SyFy it has been the highest rated show. But, can they sell advertising for it?
Husky is seconded by his pro, "Dashing" Cody Rhodes. I think he should have stuck with "coyote" ((c) Dave Scherer).
MVP wins by pin fall but Husky has one heck of a match. Everything he did in the ring looked smooth and believable. At times it looked like MVP was the rookie and Husky was the pro.
After the match Husky (on the advice of his pro) does not observe the code of honor and refuses to shake MVP's hand.
We get a six man tag match next with Kaval, Cannon and McGillicuty taking on O'Neil, Riley and Cottonwood.
The rudos get heat on Lucky Cannon early and beat him down for a while. Lucky make a hot tag to Kaval who lights up Riley with kicks, kicks, and even more kicks. Kaval goes for a cover but is thrown out the ring by O'Neil and Cottonwood as if they were throwing him into a pool. McGillicutty sneaks into the ring and hits his neck breaker variation on Riley and then baits Cottonwood into the "pull down the top rope" spot. Too bad Eli sucks so badly that he totally mistimes the move and it winds up looking like poo. Lucky takes out O'Neil and Kaval hits the Warrior's Way (the double stomp off the top rope) on Riley for the win.
Lay Cool is very well pleased by this.
So, it's voting time as the universe gets to vote during the commercial break and the pro start tallying their scores.
But first, the RAW rebound. We get the recap of the really well done angle where the the NXT six (minus Wade Barrett) lay waste to six of the WWE hall of fame pros, Michael P. S. (Pork Surplus? Porky Super?) Hayes, Jerry "the King" Lawyer, Dean "The Shooter" Malinko, "Double A" Arn Anderson, Mike "IRS" Rotundo (Dad of Husky Harris), and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat.
To echo "Broadway" Mike Johnson, please give us a PPV rematch!
We then get some spam for the Money in the Bank PPV, going back to Edge's winning the briefcase in 2005 and cashing it in ten months later to defeat John Cena right after Cena had finished an elimination chamber match. These were the days when Edge could be rated R.
The poll results:
1) Kaval - No longer on the Daniel Bryan Express with his win.
2) Percy Watson - I guess the universe loves their baby faces?
3) Michael McGillicutty - 3-0 but not a true baby face.
4) Alex Riley - Sorry, but this is ridiculous. How is he higher than Harris?
5) Lucky Cannon - So, the immunity was not needed.
6) Eli Cottonwood - What the heck is happening? Did Husky fail a wellness test? Are they sending him off to work on his physique?
7) Husky Harris - what ever
8) Titus O'Neil
Well, at least I got the Riley/Cannon/Cottonwood combo in the correct order. And, the only pick that mattered, number eight, was correct. The WWE universe "made it a win" and got rid of Titus before he could maim someone in the ring with his clumsiness or cause deafness in the audience with his promos on the microphone.
Titus cuts a baby face promo and even gets the crowd to cheer for him and his catch phrase so maybe there is hope for him someday.
So next elimination in three weeks? Or, will the rules change again?
I think the Rookie Challenges should only be done on a week with an elimination, and the challenge should always be for immunity. After all, I am still waiting for Wade's entrance music. And, no one should have to wrestle Kain after winning a challenge.
