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THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR ISSUE 20

Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show. 

Our first week supposedly without Titus O'Neil.  How much do you want to bet that we see much more of him now that he is kicked off the show than when he was on the show? 

My fear for this week is that we are going to get another rookie challenge, but not have an elimination so the challenge can't be for any meaningful prize. 

My hope is that we will get four wrestling matches where the rookies get a chance to impress the WWE universe and we get inset pretaped interviews with the rookies giving their analysis on each other. 

And, of course, some good outfits on Lay Cool ... 

What will we get?  Time to roll the tape: 

We start with a recap of the oh so scintillating keg karrying challenge from last week and then the elimination of Titus O'Neil (as if a vision challenged individual couldn't have seen that coming). 

Matt Striker is in the ring to host tonight and he brings out the WWE pros to sit on the stage of judgment and pretend to take notes.  At least, for once they all come out. 

Lay Cool is styling and profiling with some "flawless" shirts, so we at least get the small favors out of the way. 

Striker then tries to get Zack Ryder's opinion on how the vote went down last week.  Zack cuts a pro wrestling promo.  Yeah, I know he is (sort of) a pro wrestler, but to really be in character he should be in ultra serious "coach" mode, shouldn't he? 

John Morrison then cuts another pro wrestling promo saying he would have rather had The Miz voted off. 

The rookies are introduced next.  "A-Ri" (diculous) steals one of Lay Cool's note pads on the way to the ring. 

OH NO, MISTER BILL!!  It's the dreaded "cut a promo on some stupid random topic" challenge.  Will this episode be the sum total of all our fears? 

Striker asks Husky Harris about his position at number seven and Harris cuts an off topic promo. 

Riley then cuts a promo against Kaval, trying to deflect attention from his poor ranking by making fun of Kaval's height. 

Kaval then appeals to the crowd to put Riley in his place. 

Striker then goes over the "Talk the Talk" competition which will be judged by the Atlanta fans. 

Toto, I don't think it's 6:05 any more. 

The contestants will be given 10 seconds to think about their topic, then thirty seconds to talk.  You would think that this contest would be a gimme for the baby faces, but last season a rudo, Wade Barrett, scored a shocking upset. 

The winner of the contest will get to host a talk show segment next week. 

First up, "Showtime" Eric Young ... oops, "Showtime" Percy Watson, and his topic, stealing better wrestler's nicknames ... oops, glasses.  I would pop if Percy name drops Urkil, but I don't think this will happen. 

Percy's talk is very heavy on the "yeah baby's" but he does manage to mention the vision thing and finish with "Oh yeah!" at the buzzer. 

Kaval is next.  His topic is chicken.  It would be cool if he compares the other rookies to chickens and himself to a chicken hawk, but I think the WWE audience might be to young to know Foghorn Leghorn cartoons. 

Instead, Kaval goes with chicken as a lack of courage, something which he doesn't have.  Kaval's monotone delivery might have hurt him here. 

Next up, Fire Ant.  Okay, not really, but it would have been funny to see him do his gimmick of communicating with wild gestures as opposed to talking. 

Eli Cottonwood is up next.  His topic is "mustache".  This isn't going to be pretty.  At least Eli has the aforementioned facial hair. 

Eli manages to equate mustaches with masculinity, which is a lot better than I thought he would do. 

John Morrison was less than impressed with his rookies performance and was hiding his head. 

Michael McGillicutty is next, and his topic is "breath".  Contrary to what Eli said in his talk, Michael is rocking a decent 'stache.  Will Michael use this opportunity to rip on Husky Harris again? 

Michael does the really cool trick of talking about himself for 29 seconds and then saying that he's going to take the crowds breath away. 

So far, Michael's promo is head and shoulders above the rest.  Even Kofi is impressed. 

Husky Harris is next and his topic is "doorknob".  Husky looks like he would rather be anywhere else but here. 

Husky takes out is frustration of being voted seventh by introducing himself and then telling the fans that they don't deserve to hear him talk. 

The dashing one, Cody Rhodes, is irate over his rookie's attitude. 

Lucky Cannon is next and his topic is "why are we seventeen minutes into the show and haven't had any action yet?"  Actually, his topic is "deodorant".  Will we get a speech on not letting your enemies smell your fear? 

Canon compares the WWE to a smelly guy.  After this segment I would have to agree! 

Last up is Alex Riley and his topic is pigeon.  I can't really think of anything I want to hear this greenhorn douche bag say. 

Riley compares himself to a rooster and his competitors to pigeons.  What ev'. 

At least The Miz was impressed. 

Now, onto the voting.  Percy gets a positive response, a larger one than the one Kaval gets.  Eli gets a mild negative reaction.  In a shocker, McGillicutty gets a negative reaction, which means that no one is buying him as a baby face.  Harris gets a mixed reaction.  Harris gets a positive reaction, almost as big as Percy's.  Riley gets a small negative reaction. 

Watson wins, which I guess is a good thing since a talk show by him has the potential to be a true camp fest. 

Coming up, Team Strong Luck takes on Team Family Feud. 

But before that we have "Showtime" Percy Watson (1-1) versus Michael McGillicutty (3-0).  If they are looking for an opportunity to turn Michael heel, here is a good opportunity. 

But, instead of turning him heel, Michael continues as a baby face who occasionally does heelish things.  However, Michael wins the match with a sunset flip (which he got a lot of elevation on), a baby face move. 

We then get a second recap of the keg karrying segment.  This show is definitely turning into the sum total of my fears. 

We also get some scouting reports by the pros on Titus O'Neil (who is off the show by the way).  Cody points out Titus' suspect dental hygiene.  We also get a recap of Titus' farewell speech. 

Next up, The Miz versus Kaval.  Will Daniel Bryan wire Kaval some cash to stiff Miz? 

They mention that The Miz committed a heinous heel action yesterday on RAW targeting R-Truth's shoulder, knocking him out of the Money In The Bank PPV. 

It's unfortunate that there is no selective mute button for Michael Cole.  I'm now thinking that Shawn Waltman has Michael Cole heat. 

The Miz wins with the world's weakest finishing move, the SCF, but not before Kaval got some offense and some hope spots in. 

Eli Cottonwood then gets a package where the pros give their opinion of him.  Michelle McCool pretends to be impressed by his height, even though her new husband isn't exactly short. 

The Season One of NXT on RAW rebound is next with John Cena finally getting a measure of revenge against Nexus by taking out Darren Young by throwing a portion of the "200 pound steel" ring steps at Young's head. 

We then get the pro's opinions on Husky Harris.  Michelle places him right behind Kaval, which makes me wonder why he would up ranked number seven. 

Finally, it's time for someone to get their ass kicked as team Strong Luck comes out. 

Unfortunately, it's Canon who gets his ass kicked by the finishing maneuver of Cody Rhodes, the CrossRhodes. 

Next week, the season one pros visit season two.  Will Darren Young still be selling that heinous ring steps shot that he got on RAW? 

So, to recap, this was a clean sweep night for the rudos (if you count McGillicutty as a heel). 

I'm sad to say, but without the competition of TUF to inspire them, this show has hit rock bottom in record time.