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THE FUN HOUSE MIRROR ISSUE 24

Welcome back to the Fun House Mirror, where we look at a reality television show that wants to look like a MMA show but often looks like a bad pro wrestling show, and American wrestling companies who think that they are Mexican wrestling companies.

While some crappy wrestling promotions have to steer clear of political angles due to legal restrictions, it's heartwarming to see Lucha Libre USA jump into the Arizona immigration law controversy with both feet.

However, I wonder if Lucha Libre USA runs a show in a olde school southern redneck town if R. J. Brewer would be crazy over as a baby face?

Can the luchadors sustain this angle?  Let's hit play on the VCR and find out.

We start off with the poster boy for anti-hispanic racial profiling talking with his mother on the phone and cutting a promo against Springfield Massachusetts.  I would bet that R. J. won't have trouble getting heel heat here.

We start off with R. J. Brewer coming down to the ring.  But, wait, the ring this week is four sided.  Apparently, R. J.'s mother is a very powerful person and forced the commission to use a four sided ring.

I find it amusing that they continually refer to Mama Brewer as an extremely powerful figure, while never coming out and saying that she's supposed to be the Governor of Arizona.  Are Mama Brewer and Jim Cornette's mama related?

R. J. cuts a heel promo, ending with a call for Magno to go back to Arizona and cut his grass.  A Mexicool's reference??

This brings out Magno who brings some righteous baby face fire to R. J.  However, this brings out a rudo contingent to beat down Magno.  This leads to the locker room emptying and a wild brawl in the ring.  Brewer takes this opportunity to powder to the back.

The rest of the crew brawl all over the building.  This brings Chi Chi out to survey the wreckage.

During a commercial break the rest of the luchadors apparently head to the back as Chi Chi, windbreaker in hand, and Tigressa hang out in the ring.  This brings out Mini Park and Rebecca Reyes for an announcement.

The announcement is that Chi Chi and Tigressa will be forced to compete tonight in a tag match against Mini Park and a partner of his choosing.

Our first match is a traditional trios match featuring Mascara Purpura, Octagoncito (captain), and Super Nova (technicos) versus Perqueno Halloween (captain), Lizmark Jr., and Sydistiko.

One of the stories of the match is that Sydistiko is a huge fan of Lizmark Jr. and would do anything for him.  Also, Sydistiko will only talk if the zipper on his mask in front of his mask is unzipped.

The rudo group is now calling themselves "Treachery" although Halloween isn't part of "Treachery," Rellik is.

The rudo team wins when Lizmark Jr. catches an attempted flying body press by Octagoncito and plants him with Marked for Death (the Kryptonite Krunch) for the pin fall.

We are then treated to a segment called Tinieblas TV with Tinieblas Jr. and El Oriental.  Too bad that MTV2 cut off the subtitles.

Charlie Malice takes on Rellik in a singles title tournament match next.

Rellik dominates the match early until Charlie stages a baby face comeback.  However, Rellik cuts off the comeback by spitting red mist into Charlie's face and gets disqualified.  Super Nova comes out to make the save for Malice.

Tigressa confronts Lujo Esquire about him being Mini Park's partner.  He denies this.  I have no idea why they are letting Tigressa talk so much.

Mini Park comes out for his tag match with Chi Chi and Tigressa by himself.  They start the match and Park powders and crawls under the ring.  Chi Chi rolls out and grabs a leg from under the ring.  Much to her surprise though Mini Park taps her on the back.  Chi Chi backs up and AMAZING F'N' KONG comes out from under the ring!!

Kong and Park dominate early, but then Chi Chi and Tigressa get heat on Mini Park.  Park finally breaks out and tags Kong who cleans house and pins Chi Chi with the Amazing Bomb.

Next week the tag tournament continues as Tinieblas Jr. teams with El Oriental to face Marco Corleone and Lujo Esquire.

How will the WWE do this week?  I fear that we are going to get a flaccid show, since we probably won't have an elimination this week.

But, I have been wrong before, so let's fire up the zoetroupe and find out:

We start with a recap of last weeks elimination and subsequent freak out of Eli Cottonwood.

The pros are on the stage and Matt Striker is in the ring.  Matt calls out the rookies who come down to the ring one at a time.

This week the challenge is a kissing contest.  Unless they are kissing May Young, I'm not sure I want to see this.

Matt calls out Lay Cool to come down.  They initially look disgusted, but then apply lip gloss on the way to the ring.

Matt gives them microphones and Lay Cool explains that the kissing contest was their idea.  The rookies get to kiss Lay Cool and the one that kisses the best gets a "fabulous" package of prizes.

Husky Harris is first.  Is this a set up where Lay Cool get their revenge for last weeks match where Harris knocked Lay Cool off the apron?

After pretending that Michelle is going to kiss Harris they turn around and say that they had brought in their own resident expert kisser.  Her name is Margarita and was the 1993 Lorado home coming queen.  I guess it's not May Young since May would have been too old for that.

Instead we get some morbidly obese lady.  She has some sort of makeup on her face to make it look like she has open festering sores.

Husky bends her over and gives her a quick kiss before quitting in disgust after one second.

McGillicutty gives Margarita the Rick Rude spin, then tries to lick her sores Boogieman style.  The kid knows his history.  He too is grossed out after one second.  He then asks Husky to check is teeth.  Oh, the bromance!

Lucky Cannon gets his chance to get lucky next.  I wonder if this segment is making R. D. Reynolds and Blade Braxton of wrestle crap radio randy?  Lucky picks his spot carefully and completes the kiss without being grossed out, as one might expect from a "real" baby face rather than a heel or "fake" baby face.

Percy Watson gets his chance next to "make it rain".  Percy looks like he'd rather be any place else but there.  McCool has to push Percy so that he completes the kiss.

Kaval is up next and Layla kisses Kaval to fortify him.  Kaval sells it like he was injected with MDMA (ecstasy).  Kaval goes through with the kiss and is suitably grossed out by it.

Finally A-Ri gets his homecoming queen to go with varsity jacket.  A-Ri goes for the gold with a passionate kiss and then keels over like he died from happiness.

However, A-Ri's histrionics do not overcome the sincerity of Lucky Cannon who wins.

However, all of the participants win the prize which is various fungal infections and cooties.

A-Ri then goes back for seconds with Margarita.

We then get a rematch from last week as Husky Harris takes on Kaval.

Harris gets some quick take downs with his speed and amateur wrestling background.  Kaval preservers with some strikes that send Harris out of the ring.  Kaval tries for a plancha to the outside but Harris catches him and rams his back into the ring barricade.

Does this mean that Kaval is back on the Daniel Bryan express?

Kaval makes it back into the ring at nine and nine tenths.

Kaval is able to make a baby face comeback but gets caught going for a splash into the corner.  Harris uses the Rock Bottom and the fat man's senton splash to make it two in a row over Kaval.  Dashing Cody Rhodes celebrates with Harris after the match which proves that winning changes everything.

We then get a recap of The Miz disrespecting Michael McGillicutty.

Ashley Valence then interviews Michael and Kofi.  They are interrupted by Lucky Cannon who says that he also has an issue with the Miz (who gave him The Stroke on a briefcase two weeks before after a match).

The Miz interrupts this and says that the two should have a match and he would consider giving them a match in the future.  Kofi then says that The Miz should face the winner of Lucky versus Michael tonight unless The Miz is afraid.  The Miz is goaded into accepting the challenge.

Michael wins in a quick match with the "McGillicutter" (which is not a cutter, but a swinging neck breaker).

We then get some Summer Slam Spam where we learn that Kane thinks that Rey Mysterio was the one that put The Undertaker in a vegetative state.  It was Rey who put the Undertaker out of action in real life when a West Coast Pop by Rey broke the orbital bone of Mark Calaway.

Matt is on stage and puts the pros on the spot asking them which pro is currently doing worse.

Kofi - Lay Cool (the pink snuggy)

Lay Cool - Kofi (the pink snuggy was cool)

Mark Henry - Zack Ryder (first elimination)

Cody Rhodes - Kofi (he will take Kofi's intercontinental belt)

The Miz (interrupting a twittering Zack) - everyone but him

This leads to A-Ri versus Percy.  M.V.P. leads Percy to the ring but Montel looks depressed.

Percy cuts a pretaped interview saying that he does not get along with A-Ri "The Junior Varsity Villain" backstage.

A-Ri wins with the TKO.

This brings out McGillicutty for our main event versus The Miz.

Next week there will be an elimination.  The seem to be pushing hard for it to be either Percy or Lucky.

Michael Cole sinks to a new low, comparing the running knee lift of The Miz to Triple H's running knee which are two completely dissimilar moves.

McGillicutty is not able to carry The Miz to a good match and The Miz wins with The Stroke.

So with an elimination looming next week, they book all of the heels to win to bias the fan voting.

Prediction for next week's voting:

1) McGillicutty (at least got offense in during his loss and won a match)

2) A-Ri (has been booked to look strong)

3) Kaval (because he's Kaval)

4) Husky Harris (his win streak should pull him up)

5) Percy Watson (got squashed)

6) Lucky Cannon (will only survive if he pulls a Mike Awesome and comes out with a "fat chick thriller" t-shirt)

This week the battle of the shows easily goes to Lucha Libre USA for putting someone who is Amazing in the main event as opposed to some non-wrestler who runs around claiming that he is Awesome.  Dude, "Awesome" was so TNA.

Also pwn-ing NXT this week is the Podcast A-Go-Go which manages to not only have better wrestling but also to have MORE wrestling in its nine minutes than NXT had in its flaccid forty minutes.

This week we had more King of Trios first round action as the friends in similar tights (Team F.I.S.T.) go against the Trio of The Throwbacks (Sugar Dunkington and Dasher Hatfield) and Matt Classic.  Team F.I.S.T's Gran Akuma and Icarus are ideal here as the straight men to The Throwback's comedy and Matt contributes a devastating leap to the floor from the ring apron (as well as doing the Harvard Step Test during half the match).

After the comedy we get some hard hitting violence as Team Osaka Japan (Atsushi Kotoge & Daisuke Harada & Tadasukego) against The Unstable (Stigma, Vince Gerard, and Colin Delaney).  This match has more stiff strikes in one minute than NXT has had in its whole season.

So, once again, NXT is a distant third.

Until next week, see ya!