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SHOWTIME ALLSTAR WRESTLING TV REPORT: CHASE STEVENS, VORDELL WALKER, WOLFIE D AND MORE

“Bond Girl” Leah Hulan thanked everyone for coming out Grumpy’s grand opening in Centerville with a special shout out to “Bobo and the gang” and the folks from SAW - Chase Stevens, Reno Riggins and Paul Adams. What does one do for a grand opening at a bail bonds business?

LAST WEEK…Wolfie D rescued Vordell Walker from a beatdown by Derrick King Enterprises. Wolfie then challenged DKE put their tag team titles on the line today…”Maniac” Marc Anthony had Arrick “The Dragon” Andrews in a precarious position when Hammerjack made a surprise return from the DL. Hammerjack speared Anthony and put Andrews on top of for the pin. “They might be fighting all the way to Cookevlle. Oh my goodness.”

The SAW broadcast team of Dan Masters and Reno Riggins gave the rundown. SAW International Champion Chase Stevens in action today, and will the tag team titles change hands?

1 – JESSE EMERSON vs. JP MAGNUM

Magnum jumped the bell with ruthless aggression. Emerson reversed Magnum and hit a single arm DDT. Emerson with some nice work on the arm, until Magnum yanked him off the top rope. Magnum made a trio of pin attempts off of high impact moves. When his sidewalk slam still didn’t get the job done, Magnum blamed it on ref Joe Williams. Emerson fired up his comeback. Emerson hit a bigtime butterfly suplex, but Magnum wasn’t going down that easy. Emerson caught Magnum with the Alabama Slam for the three count.

WINNER: Emerson in 2:52. It was like a lot of TNA matches - good, fast-paced action for the little time they were given.

The words of Hammerjack were flown over clips of his feud with Anthony. Hammer said Anthony succeeded in making him quit the sport he loved, but that wasn’t enough. “You played your mind games until I had no choice but to come back. Then you tried to put me out for good. Well, you failed.”

Cut to Hammerjack kneeling in front of a concrete wall filled with graffiti, fire in his eyes.

As I sit here listening to the sound of the streets, all I can think about is hearing you cry out in pain. All I want to hear is you say “’I’ve had enough”. All I want to hear is you say “I Quit”. And after you say those words, Marc, the only thing you’re going to hear is the sound of silence.

Hammerjack vs. Marc Anthony
“I Quit Match”

In 2 weeks on SAW

2 – SAW International Title Match: Champion CHASE STEVENS vs. JOHNNY BANDANA

Stevens got a good reaction coming out but not great. Masters noted that the other members of DKE were absent from ringside. Bandana showed fear right away. He bumped like he was being hit by a freight train. Stevens hit a hanging vertical suplex with the greatest of ease, then followed with a high dropkick for a near fall. (commercial break) Stevens catapulted Bandana over the top rope. Stevens followed with a snap suplex on the hardwood floor, and Bandana sold like his back was on fire. Back inside, Bandana jaw jacked Stevens for his first offense of the match. Bandana throttled Stevens on the mat and grabbed a rear chinlock of sorts. Stevens hit a shadow lariat that folded Bandana up like an accordion. As Stevens tried to scrape Bandana’s limp carcass off the mat, Bandana blinded the champion with an eye rake. Bandana rocked Stevens with punches. Stevens exploded with a dropkick that put Bandana on the deck. Bandana was staggering around flailing his arms like he had some type of muscular disorder. Stevens hit the wheelhouse drop for the pin.

WINNER: Stevens retains the SAW Title in 5:32. Bandana did his trainer a solid by selling everything to the absolute max. It was actually more effective than an all out squash.

Leah was so excited to introduce Angie Wright as Grumpy’s Agent of the Week. Angie said the best thing about being a bondsman (remember, it’s a lifestyle) was working for Leah. Who knows, she might be a complete bitch behind the scenes, but she come across as a truly nice person to work for.

None of these people are because they’ve got Bieber Fever. They’re all here because they got the Drew Flu.

Drew Tube - “Teen Excitement” Drew Haskins was standing outside the Bridgestone Arena where a Justin Bieber concert was in progress. Nobody was paying him any mind. Haskins said his security was keeping all the people away. An ambulance arrived. Haskins confided that it was because another woman had fainted at the sight of him. Haskins started calling Bieber out. “I’m at his concert. He tried to come to Nashville, Tennessee. Where’s the punk at? He wants to hide behind Bieber Nation.” The concert ended. Haskins claimed the people were deserting Bieber to be with him. The few concert goers that paid any attention looked at Haskins like he was freak.

Justin Bieber, this was your nation. That was you and now it’s me! It’s all back to me!...I give you props. You had a good run. Your 16 years old but let’s face it, I’m Teen Excitement. I’m in my prime. This was you nation and it crumbled. You tried to play Switzerland. You tried to stay neutral and it didn’t work!

In his overly vivid imagination, Haskins heard the people chanting for Teen Excitement. Haskins asked a little girl if she wanted his autograph and got a classic “who are you?” The segment ended with Haskins surrounded by pack for preteen girls screaming their heads off for Bieber.

DKE locker room interview. Haskins let the fans know that he was free, because he had filed an order of protection against Taylor Swift. He was hopping and down in excitement. “You thought we were good. Now we are REAL GOOD.” King got momentarily a tongue tied (a rarity) and said it was because he was so excited. King told Graham to dress up for their interview the next time.

Wolfie gave Walker a locker room pep talk. He said JC Ice had his back for 20 years and now it was Walker’s job.

3 – SAW Tag Team Title Match: Champions DERRICK KING ENTERPRISES (Derrick King & Drew Haskins with Sista O’Feelyah & Half Dolla) vs. WOLFIE D & VORDELL WALKER

Match opened with Wolfie cheerleading the crowd. The first time the ref called for a break, Haskins beat Wolfie down in the corner. Reno said O’Feelyah was looking for a chance to sink her freshly manicured nails in Wolfie’s eyes. Masters said she was getting them done every week. “Daily basis. What are you talking about?” said Reno. “Derrick King takes care of his women. He has an entourage of them.” Wolfie busted up a DKE double team to spark a series of mishaps for the champions. It culminated with the champions dropping elbows on each other and a stack pin attempt by Wolfie. Walker entered with a double ax across the back of Haskins. Walker used a missile dropkick for a near fall. Walker and Wolfie worked on the arm of Haskins. When Wolfie gnawed on his hand, Reno said Wolfie could put a little Texas Pete on those knuckles and make a sandwich. King pulled the rope down to spill Wolfie to the floor (Commercial break including Grumpy’s Bail Jumper of the week, Samuel Lee Murphy). King slammed Wolfie on the floor. “No mats. This is professional wrestling not Sports Entertainment. Don’t confuse the two,” said Reno. King also choked Wolfie with the camera cord. Wolfie reentered the ring with a slingshot sunset flip, pinning Haskins for the equivalent of a five count, as King held up the ref. DKE continued to apply the heat. Wolfie and King collided for a double knockdown. Tags both ways. Walker with a trio of clotheslines and a powerslam on Haskins. King made the save. Herrron lost control of the match. Wolfie clotheslined Haskins over the top and went for the hubcap, but King cut him off. Herron left the ring to check on Wolfie, who was not the legal man. King (not the legal man) bashed Walker in the face with the hubcap for the pin.

WINNER: DKE retain the SAW Tag Team Championship in 11:54. A rather lackluster main event. Not much heat. Crowd seemed tired. Four way was clunky, and I don’t what was up with the wrong guy making the pin. Finish looked great.

DKE gave Reno an earful on their way out. They did the Showtime Rewind of the finish, which was well worth a replay.

Afterthoughts: It wasn’t not one of SAW’s more compelling hours of television. Other than the Hammerjack video to set up the I Quit Match, there was little in the way of story advancement. It was nice piece of work with Hammer showing conviction and fire…I was wondering where Haskins’ obsession with Bieber was going to lead, and the payoff exceeded all expectations. It was a very clever idea and Haskins was hilarious. I didn’t do it justice in the write up. As played by Haskins, “Teen Excitement” is one of pro wrestling’s wackiest characters. It takes a weird sensibility to be that great of a buffoon. I liked the segment the first time I watched it, but thought it went on too long. On a second viewing, Haskins’ delusions of grandeur just got funnier and funnier. Haskins also stole the spotlight in the DKE promo…The main event was missing something. It feels like the tag title situation has been treading water forever. Some of that is due to circumstances beyond the booker’s control. Walker has been hot on DKE’s tail for the better part of 18 months without getting the proper retribution… And how about poor Bandana? He gets a title shot and it doesn’t rate even one member of DKE being at ringside. I thought Stevens had more champion aura than previously. It was too bad he didn’t the superstar treatment from the crowd. They were on the placid side the entire show…It was good to see Emerson get a win for a change…Reno had some funny lines this time around. Masters basically played straight man…Not a bad episode, just not all that eventful.