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We’re now about a month into the current season of The Ultimate Fighter, which from the outset has been promising a season-ending title fight between the coaches, welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre and challenger Josh Koscheck. The finale date has been announced, as have some of the bouts not related to the outcome of TUF. Yet in the hours preceding tonight’s episode, the UFC finally released official word that GSP would indeed be fighting Koscheck at the end of the season. Um, wasn’t this the plan from the start? Isn’t this kind of like buying concert tickets, then several weeks later hearing that the band will be going on tour and playing in your town? Anyway, let’s hope this just-announced plan goes off without a hitch, and doesn’t get either seriously delayed (Rampage-Rashad) or axed altogether (Chuck-Tito 3). Then again, this is TUF….
We begin this week’s episode with a fight replay, which for some reason has its own graphic and is being sponsored by Burger King. If I could really have it my way, I would choose to not have a BK commercial within the first 5 seconds of the show, but that’s just me. As we relive the battle between Michael Johnson and Aaron Wilkinson, bonus footage shot outside the cage reveals that Alex "Bruce Leroy" Caceres was particularly vociferous during the fight, shouting things like "f*ck him up" and "beat the sh*t out of him." You know, things you’d hear from so-called educated fans at any UFC show. Some of the other guys don’t like it, with Sevak Magakian saying, "That’s not right, man."
Afterward, Michael expresses his gratitude for having gotten to compete in front of Mike Tyson, who showed up for his national TV appearance wearing the nicest V-neck undershirt he could find. The ex-champ decides to share some wisdom with Team GSP in the locker room, saying that people win fights at the highest level of competition because they outsmart their opponents. So that’s why Tyson was dominant for so long. He concludes by saying that fighters "always have to be careful how you conduct yourself, because perhaps you conduct your life like that." Spoken like a man who bit off a chunk of an opponent’s ear in the ring, then later threatened to eat another man’s children.
As Tyson wraps up his speech, Team Koscheck is in the gym, and its coach is lamenting his squad’s 0-2 start. Koscheck claims that his winless start has lit a fire under him, and that anyone who wouldn’t find the deficit to be the ultimate motivator is "in the wrong sport." Because we all know that all champions find their greatest motivation in the results of a reality show featuring mediocre fighters. Koscheck’s fighters seem to be drinking the Kool-Aid, though, as several of them claim to want to be the next to fight and gain control for their team. Koscheck later assembles his troops and tries to rally them with botched lines like, "The harder you work now, the later you’ll get rewarded." Hey, I only said he tried to rally them.
Back at the house, several of the Team Koscheck guys are sitting around a table outside, complaining about Alex’s "f*ck him up" enthusiasm during the Michael-Aaron bout. Alex and his glass of Courvoisier soon overhear the conversation, however, which results in a heated confrontation that can best be transcribed as "BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP man BEEEEP BEEEEP in the cage BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP ain’t gonna happen BEEEEP BEEEEP." Apparently there were some hostile words in there somewhere, because Mevak has had enough, and needs to be restrained as he goes after Alex. We go to break just as it looks like we’re about to relive the Marlon Sims-Noah Thomas classic from Season 5.
Instead, however, Sevak is ushered into the house, pulling a Goldberg and telling Alex, "You’re next." Alex later blames the incident on "some bullsh*t" and claims he’s this season’s version of the guy everyone has to hate. Well, if it talks like a Jamie Yager, and wears its hair like a Jamie Yager, it’s probably a Jamie Yager. Sevak, meanwhile, has a brush with blasphemy by saying he will slam Alex and knock him out if, God willing, he can win his preliminary fight.
We head back to the gym, where GSP and his assistants have now started going out of their way to park in a spot where Koscheck can’t repeat his lame prank of pulling cars within inches of both sides of GSP’s car. Inside the gym, Koscheck takes the gesture to mean that he has gotten into GSP’s head, saying to him, "So I’m on your mind every day when you come here." Great observation – no way GSP could have Koscheck on the brain because of the massive photos of Koscheck and "Team Koscheck" written all over the place. Conveniently, Koscheck waits for GSP to walk away before dismissing him and his team "a bunch of nerds."
It’s time to announce this week’s fight. UFC president Dana White breaks it down for us the way that only a true insider can, saying that Koscheck has to hope GSP picks a bad matchup so he can take control. Thanks, Dana – I don’t think any of us would have ever figured that out. GSP lets us know that Kyle Watson will be taking on Team Koscheck’s Andy Main. Dana is excited about the pairing, predicting that "this could be a stand-up fight, or this could be a jiu-jitsu match." Man, what would we do without this guy and his bold predictions? That’s like saying that a football game could be an offensive battle, or a defensive battle. Are there any other choices? Kyle believes his experience will make the difference, while Andy is just excited to be there. Koscheck expresses his satisfaction with the pick, and shows he has been studying Dana "Captain Obvious" White by saying that, if he wins, his team will get control.
Kyle, who when not appearing on reality TV is the jiu-jitsu coach of former UFC champion Matt Hughes, says he is nervous, but is confident he can win. Hmmm, Hughes’ jiu-jitsu coach, huh? After the way the third GSP-Hughes fight ended, maybe GSP can turn the tables on Kyle and offer to teach him to defend an armbar, like Hughes did to GSP during Season 4.
As Team Koscheck prepares to take over the gym, its coach begins to harass GSP about wearing compression shorts during his fights, suggesting he does it to impress men in the audience. Hey Koscheck, maybe your put-down would be better if you weren’t the one evaluating another man’s choice of ring attire. After GSP leaves, we meet Andy, who admits to a weakness in striking but expresses excitement about getting to work with Team Koscheck assistant coaches Dave Camarillo and Ted Lucio. Andy praises his own knockout power, but then says his game plan is to take Kyle down and finish him on the ground. Ironically, Koscheck describes Andy as "focused."
At the weigh-ins, Kyle strips down to a pair of leopard-skin boxers, prompting Koscheck to botch yet another famous line, this time misquoting the introduction to "Baby Got Back." And, for the second time in about 10 minutes, Koscheck has seemed unnaturally consumed with men’s underwear. Both guys make weight, and we’re official for this season’s third preliminary fight.
Before the bout, however, Team Koscheck gets in another workout, one that concludes with its coach reminding him guys that "we’re down 2 to o" – yes, as in the letter O. Well, I guess you can’t spell "zero" without an "o"…. Koscheck motivates Andy by reminding him how awkward it would be to lose a fight, then have to see them every day for the next six weeks. The coach says, "I couldn’t do it," apparently forgetting that he in fact did do it after losing to Diego Sanchez during Season 1.
Not to be outdone, Team GSP also gets in a final workout. Assistant coach John Danaher praises Kyle, using overly intellectual words and phrases like "as such" and "conscientious." GSP, meanwhile, simply says that Kyle is "ready to win," and proves it by guiding Kyle through a series of dress rehearsals designed to help him get comfortable being in the cage, including his actual entrance into the octagon. Thankfully, it appears that GSP has decided not to teach Kyle the Team Jackson pre-fight nipple twist.
It’s fight day, and Kyle comes out first, making his way into the cage flawlessly. Looks like all those rehearsals really paid off. Andy then heads out toward the octagon, telling us along the way that he wants to make a statement, to have the other team saying, "Damn." Wow, that’s some statement.
The action begins, and right off the bat, Kyle and Andy each land several punches cleanly. The slugfest ultimately winds up as a struggle against the fence. Totally ignoring advice he received prior to the fight, Andy works his way around and takes Kyle’s back, trying to work a rear naked choke from the standing position. The fighters end up on the mat, where Andy pays for his decision to ride high by being reversed and forced up against the cage on his back. Andy eats a couple of big shots, then works his way into the middle of the cage…only to eat several elbows from the top. The round ends with Kyle in full control, but starting to look gassed.
Round 2 begins with Andy tagging Kyle with punches, but Kyle ends the momentum with a quick takedown. Working from top position, Kyle attempts a crucifix, causing Andy to roll over and Kyle to (unsuccessfully) take his back. About 2 minutes in, the fight starts to look sloppy, with Andy looking lost and overwhelmed, and Kyle looking just flat-out tired. About a minute later, Andy has totally lost the will to fight, and appears to actually facilitate a rear naked choke on himself. He taps, and Team GSP advances to 3-0.
Afterward, a frustrated Koscheck goes full Rampage, bailing on his fighter and threatening to dismantle a couple of doors en route to the locker room. Kyle realizes he didn’t put on his best performance, but is satisfied with the win nonetheless, as are his teammates. The mood isn’t quite as festive in the Team Koscheck locker room, however, as Andy sits alone to reflect on his loss. Something tells me we won’t be seeing this guy as a wildcard.
Random thoughts:
Which TUF writer thought that the best way to identify Mike Tyson was by referring to him generically as a "sports icon"?
In his confessional interview during the fight recap, did you notice how crazily busted-up Kyle Watson’s nose is?
During his pep talk to Team GSP, did anyone else have trouble distinguishing between Tyson’s pronunciation of the words "confidence" and "constantly"?
Why did Koscheck claim to be so motivated by Team GSP’s 2-0 lead, when GSP himself already admitted he wasn’t taking the competition personally and didn’t even care if his team won?
Did some of the Team Koscheck guys seem a little confused about what to yell during the "hard work/payoff" rallying cry at the end of practice?
During his argument with Alex, how hilarious was it to see Sevak so enraged that he threw a paper napkin at Alex?
Why was Sevak telling Alex that he was next, when he himself would still need to win a preliminary fight in order to face him?
Who left a pair of Converse on the table outside, and why?
When trying to come up with a prank-free place to park his car, why didn’t someone tell GSP it’s illegal to park in front of a fire hydrant?
Why did Koscheck’s impersonation of GSP end up sounding like John Wayne?
Could Koscheck possibly have come up with a geekier laugh when he was referring to Team GSP as "nerds"?
When the Ben Folds Five recorded a song called "The Battle of Who Could Care Less" back in the 1990s, were they forecasting this week’s TUF matchup?
Did you notice Jon Fitch serving as a guest assistant coach during this week’s show?
Seriously, what was Cody McKenzie on during his weigh-in interview?
How come Sevak didn’t complain when, during the post-weigh-in faceoff, Koscheck told Andy to "smack him"?
Did the UFC really run an ad for its on-demand service, promoting a deal for the month of September?
With his accent and hair slicked and parted on the aside, does Team GSP assistant John Danaher remind anyone else of British actor Ricky Gervais?
What was the deal with Andy’s rambling promo on fight day?
During his final preparations with Kyle in the locker room, why was GSP whispering his advice in Kyle’s ear, rather than just saying it out loud?
Didn’t it seem like the referee allowed the fighters to stand unusually close to the center of the cage prior to the start of Round 2?
After the fight, why did Koscheck praise his own anger management, when we clearly saw him kick a chair and punch two doors?
Mark Carpowich can be contacted at markcarpowich@hotmail.com.
