Want more wrestling news, rumors, and results? Be sure to visit PWInsider.com and PWInsiderXtra.com.
We start tonight’s show with Koscheck trying to cheer up Sevak Magakian, who himself was on the verge of seeing the great white light while being choked out last week. Koscheck tells Sevak that he should continue training because there is “a real good chance†that he will be given another chance as a wildcard. Actually, the only wildcard here is the idea of Sevak getting the nod, considering he suffered a pretty one-sided loss.
For some reason, we head back into the gym for a fight announcement – one with a corporate sponsor, no less – despite the fact that only two guys haven’t fought yet, and will obviously be the ones competing this week. Having won the most recent bout, GSP announces that Dane Sayers will be taking on Sako Chivitchian. UFC president Dana White weighs in on the matchup, saying that Dane is not at the same level as Sako, and that his coach is “going to basically throw Dane Sayers to the wolves.†For those who have not seen this show before, this tactic is usually a swerve, so don’t be at all surprised to see Dane pull off an upset before the night is through.
Back at the house, Spencer Paige (who a couple of weeks ago became the only Team GSP fighter to lose a preliminary fight thus far) lets everyone know he has broken his hand, and will be out of action for at least a few months. Well, there’s one less guy who will be trying to claim a wildcard spot. Right about now, I can almost see every eligible guy in that house practicing his speech, in the hopes of pulling a James Hamortree and convincing Dana he’s the most-deserving guy to get another chance.
Outside, several of the guys are discussing their desire to get picked, including Jeffrey Wentz. Teammate Aaron Wilkinson disagrees, however, nothing that Jeffrey is drinking a lot of booze for someone hoping to get called back. I guess he didn’t see Season 1, when chronic drinker Chris Leben was invited back to the house for a second chance. Jeffrey tells a housemate that he’s “going to p*ss on you while you sleep tonight.†Wow, he really is Leben incarnate.
It’s time for Team GSP to train, and we get to watch Dane prepare for tonight’s bout. As he discusses his Native American heritage and how important it is for him to represent his people, we watch Dane work out with assistant coach Jean Charles Skarbowsky. Man, I wish Dane would scalp this guy’s chest – that’s a nasty mop of hair. GSP believes that, while Sako will have an edge on the ground, Dane can win the fight standing up.
As the two teams cross paths in the gym, Koscheck tries messing with Team GSP’s medic, Brad Tate. Wait, they have their own medic? This is almost as weird as Ken Shamrock having a “nutrition coach†during Season 3. Brad says Koscheck is pushing his buttons only because GSP won’t go along with his taunts, and should beware of who he’s messing with, “period, the end.†Actually, it’s kind of hard to believe they don’t get along, considering they both seem to speak the same language. Koscheck says about Brad: “I don’t know why you’re here, you’re a male nurse, and I don’t know why you’re here.†Yep, two peas in a pod.
After Team GSP clears the gym, we meet Sako and hear his impressive credentials as a 20-year judo veteran. Among his accolades is a pair of Junior Olympic championships, which Koscheck later stretches into a claim that Sako is a “two-time Olympian.†Sako also reveals some of the darker moments from his past, including the time he was shot in the leg simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. So, I guess that if Dane shoots a single-leg on Sako tonight, he won’t be the first.
Before we see Sako and Dane in the cage, we visit a local ballpark, where this season’s coaches’ challenge will take place on a baseball field. GSP immediately believes he’ll be at a disadvantage, since his home nation of Canada apparently doesn’t have a deep tradition in the sport. Of course, this means he will probably win. Dana assembles both teams and announces that “we’re going to have a batting showdown today.†In other words, we’re moving from an MMA cage to a batting cage, for a home run derby.
The game itself goes quickly, as Koscheck wins handily, 34-10, a huge margin that widens impressively during an 18-run inning. Afterward, Dana hands the winning coach an awkward stack of bills that supposedly adds up to $10,000. Koscheck says the outcome is just a preview of their upcoming title fight, where GSP will swing and miss, while Koscheck will connect and turn the lights out on the champ. Somehow I doubt the results of a softball contest have GSP shaking in his boots.
It’s fight day, and we join Sako at the house for some last-minute philosophy. Sako explains that he enjoys taking in some nature before his fights, going to a secluded spot so he can “hear the birds and sh*t.†Wow, that’s deep – isn’t that the Sierra Club’s motto? Sako then adds a little more nature by explaining how he gets butterflies every time he fights. Dane, meanwhile, realizes he is the least-experienced guy in the house, but still expects to emerge victorious.
Inside the cage, the action begins with Sako going for a takedown almost immediately, but getting caught in a guillotine. Sako pulls his head out, however, and starts unloading on Dane with punches from guard. The ground assault doesn’t last, though, as Dane stands up and eventually works his way free into a neutral standing position. Sako throws several wild haymakers to no avail, but with about a minute left in the round starts picking his shots better, and actually lands a few. Dane tries taking him down, but Sako blatantly grabs onto the fence to stay on his feet. The remainder of the round sees more clinching against the cage, and both fighters return to their corners relatively unscathed.
If round 1 was a conservative affair, round 2 starts off the opposite, with both guys throwing and landing several clean punches. Sako gets the better of the exchange, putting Dane on his back again and punishing him with more ground-and-pound. Dane is able to take advantage when Sako gets sloppy, though, throwing a switch that somehow turns into an escape. They stay standing for the remainder of the round, mostly tying up on the fence and basically just standing there. Yeah, this is what I want to watch when I’m struggling to stay awake at 10:45 p.m.
The judges render their decision unanimously for Sako, who warns future opponents that “they’re going to have to battle.†Maybe he should have warned future audiences that the next time he fights, they’re going to have to battle the urge to fall asleep during the bout. Sako’s victory brings Team Koscheck’s record to 2-5, meaning the team has five members eligible for the wildcard.
Conveniently, Dana and the coaches are about to come together to pick who will get the two wildcard opportunities. Incredibly, both coaches are diplomatic and nominate fighters from both teams. Dana then tells them to “take out the whole team thing†and just pick the two best guys, an edict that 1) shows he wasn’t paying attention to what each coach had just finished saying, and 2) makes you wonder why this show bothers with a team concept in the first place if it’s going to end up not mattering. Speaking of things not mattering, apparently getting choked unconscious in 18 seconds has ended up not mattering to anyone: Marc Stevens has earned a wildcard slot, as has teammate Aaron Wilkinson.
Random thoughts:
Why did the preview for tonight’s episode tease the wildcard selection by saying, “One fighter gets to come back,†when two guys were chosen?
When he said Sevak had “a real good chance†of becoming a wildcard despite having been pretty much dominated last week, was Koscheck feeding him a load of false hope or what?
When he announced Dane as “Red Horse,†am I the only one who at first thought GSP said “Horace†instead?
How come Aaron was criticizing Jeffrey as a “professional waster,†when just last week Team GSP fighters were praising Jean Charles Skarbowsky for his ability to train while inebriated?
Thanks, Spike, for the sneak peek at “Rock Band 3,†but do the game’s makers really think that Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again†is the best song to encourage sales?
Did anyone keep count of the number of times Koscheck said the words “male nurse†during his confrontation with Brad?
Have there been any Armenian fighters in the UFC whose primary martial art wasn’t judo?
During the coaches’ challenge, why did Dana insist on appearing on camera at the end of every half-inning to announce the score, when there was already an on-screen graphic displaying it?
Did you notice that Dana said each fighter on Team Koscheck will get “some money†for the victory, but didn’t indicate how much, or when it would be paid?
Considering the pitching machine was dispensing balls at about 20 mph, did Koscheck and GSP really need to wear batting helmets?
Why did everyone make a big deal about Dane’s inexperience, when the Tale of the Tape revealed that he has more pro fights than Sako?
At the start of the fight, did you hear Koscheck tell Sako to “get ready for the kicksâ€â€¦after Dane threw his first one?
Considering how much time they spent clinched in the first round, isn’t it kind of a surprise that Sako wasn’t successful with even a single judo throw?
When Sako was in Dane’s half guard during round 2, did you hear Koscheck tell him to stay where he was, but also tell him to pass guard?
Given his complete lack of success with throws, isn’t it hard to believe Sako is a multi-time world judo champion?
Should the referee really have let them stalemate on the cage as long as they did, rather than push them for more action?
Was it just me, or was the referee pretty forgiving when it came to the number of times Sako avoided takedowns by grabbing the fence?
As soon as Dana’s wildcard meeting started, did anyone else have a flashback to the train wreck that was last season’s wildcard meeting, where Chuck Liddell didn’t even know the fighters and Tito Ortiz just wanted to bicker with Chuck?
Given his pathetic loss in the preliminary round, how did Marc manage to get even one vote for a wildcard slot, let alone two or three?
Mark Carpowich can be contacted at markcarpowich@hotmail.com.
