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Seen it on RAW. It was lame then. Don’t need to see it again. (FAST FORWARD >>)
Mr. McMahon via Satellite
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Enough of the gloating, self-promoting, self-gratifying, verbal masturbation. OK we get it. McMahon owns the company. He can do what he wants. And the fans be damned. But I don’t’ have to listen to it! (FAST FORWARD >>)
(Side note: What’s the betting pool for WHEN little Rose McMahon-Levesque wins her first WWE title? I’m guessing she does it before her 10th birthday.)
Opening match: Rob Van Dam versus Snitsky
Will they allow the ultra talented Van Dam to get some offense on the ultra untalented McMahon-approved monster? Yeah, a little. Fast forward through the first half of the match where Snitsky shows he’s been taking rest-hold lessons from the Legendary Hotel-Room Killer Randy Orton. Van Dam gets in a decent set of moves at the end of the match, before Snitsky gets frustrated that he can’t do anything cooler than grab, punch, and kick. He whacks RVD with a chair, and we get close-ups on his new teeth while the announcer promote what a pretty shade of yellow they are. (That’s his new gimmick --- yellow teeth? What is he? Issac Yankem. I thought he was supposed to be Kane!?!) Anyways, five minutes after this match, I couldn’t remember who won and didn’t even care.
CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards
Richards looks good here. Styles even promotes him as an “ECW Originalâ€ÂÂÂ. (With Sabu sent packing to Bombay, Michigan, maybe Richard will now become RVD's lackey, and change his name to Stevie D. They could do a Bill & Ted’s gimmick.) I liked this match, but once I remembered that Richards hasn’t won a match in several years (since the silly RTC gimmick) and he undoubtedly won’t win here either. So why should I or any of the fans care?
New Breed backstage
Decent segment. Did what it was supposed to do – promote the characters and the main event match. These guys are improving, and the New Breed gimmick has helped. None of them are ready to shine on their own yet, but given some time, they should all do okay. I think the recent storyline interactions between Burke and Striker are intriguing. Burke’s charisma is undeniable, but his delivery is still amateurish and not quite believable – sometimes he comes off likes he’s doing bad community theater.
Kevin Thorn vs. Nunzio
Wait, is he Nunzio or Little Guido? Nobody knows or seems to care. Just call him “lostâ€ÂÂÂ. By the way, I am so darned sick of Joey Styles feeding us the ridiculous “Thorn and Ariel frequent bite clubs around the world†crap! WHO THE F CARES?!?! (So’s Marv Albert, but you don’t hear that mentioned on every friggin’ NBA broadcast!!!) Thorn has a gimmick, but apparently that’s all there is to him. His matches are boring. He has no charisma. And his character has absolutely no direction. PLUS, the infinitely more charismatic and much more talented Guidunzio was allowed absolutely offense whatsoever --- NONE! (This is a definite FAST FORWARD >>. If you want to look at Ariel, then gOOgle her online… that’s all I’m gonna say. Don’t waste your time with this match.)
Condemned promo
The title is right. We've been condemned with this crap on every WWE show for months now. The best thing I can say about it is they didn’t try to do another tie-in storyline, like the dumb, dumb, dumb “May 19th“ gimmick. (FAST FORWARD >>)
Extreme Exposé
Yawn! (FAST FORWARD >>)
Video package – Lashley versus Coach, Shane, Vince, Umaga from RAW
Maybe you didn't hear me earlier… Seen it on RAW. Saw it at the top of the show. It’s lame then, now, and forever. (FAST FORWARD >>)
Lashley Promo
A half step above Extreme Expose, but nothing interesting was said. Another yawn for me. (FAST FORWARD >>)
Lashley vs. New Breed (Burke, Cor Von, and Striker)
Surprisingly good match! Definitely the highlight of the show for me. Cor Von and Lashley got in the majority of offense. The one-handed powerbomb-from-the-rafters by Lashley on Striker was AB-SO-LUTELY SICK! It completely made up for the horrible-looking pounce by Cor Von which “knocked†Lashley over the top rope moments earlier. (Instead of running straight off the ropes, Lashley awkwardly slowed down, ran kitty-corner toward the ropes, and a weaker-than-usual looking pounce knocked him over.) Striker gets punked again, thus cementing his New Breed whipping boy status.
Side note: I’m quite surprised that “Creative†(just threw up in my mouth a little) didn’t spell Cor Von’s name as “Marcus Kor Vonâ€ÂÂÂ, since the “MKV†initials would seemingly appeal to the massive ego of one Vincent Kennedy McMahon (VKM).
OVERALL THOUGHTS:
Not a good show. The first 48 minutes or so were a horrible waste-of-time. The main event match was enjoyable, but it didn’t nothing to make me want to buy any PPV. Instead, it made me want to see a Lashley/New Breed feud continue (particularly Lashley/Cor Von). And, like I said previously, I really enjoy the Striker/Burke interactions. Those are infinitely more interesting than Snitsky’s yellow teeth or Thorn’s bite club nonsense. (2 out of 5 stars, with both stars earned by the final match only)
Todd Jackson
Flint, MI
**********
This week’s ECW on Sci-Fi came from Baltimore, Maryland. Good city, bad football team.
The show began with Vince McMahon still wearing a doo-rag (which doesn’t make sense as he has to have some hair by now.) Live from “WWE Studios.†He cuts a promo and then the best part of the show came after…the opening video. Yeah I know, nowadays when I watch ECW, I look forward to the beginning video. I’m not lying.
RVD vs. Zits-on-my-back-ski – if they want to put Snitsky over again, why not just have Kane impregnate somebody and have Snitsky kill the baby again? It worked before. But I guess the writing team thinks the Diva’s are too smart to fall for that twice. We’ll its either get impregnated by Kane or wrestle in pudding for those girls.
CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards III – this time with heel CM Punk…I think? CM Punk puts some great moves in, including an exploder suplex, which most people confuse for a regular T-Bone suplex, unless I’m missing something. Stevie put on some good defense from what I saw, until CM Punk used his badly named, Go to Sleep move and won.
God I hate that move name. Creative wasn’t even trying. Dear WWE, come up with something more original and less stupid, I BEG YOU.
Kevin Thorn vs. FBI – The best part of the match: Ariel. She did nothing, but did it well.
After another Condemned feature (which proves the 25 vulgar complaints to WWE I sent aren’t working,) The Extreme Expose took Justin Timberlake TO THE EXTREME!
Cpl. Muscle vs. D-Minus, The Monty Brown Experience, and Pac-man Jones (now with 4-up) – suplex, suplex, tag, pounce……period, comeback, punch, punch, rest hold, tag, rest hold, clothesline, chokeslam, spear, Lashley over. Who cares.
The show was a piece of crap, I can’t believe Sabu got canned, and I’m not sure where he’ll go now as I’m pretty sure he burned his bridges with TNA. Lets hope Dixie Carter is a forgiving lady.
Let me just say now I can’t wait the get the Wrestlemania DVD, but I know you’ll still be weirded out when you hear:
“Smackdown, Raw, and EEEE SEEE DOUBLEYOUUUU present the 23rd annual Wrestlemania.†Words you never thought you would ever hear, eh? Hosers.
Mark Davis
Windsor, Ontario, Canada
