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THE CYNICAL VIEW LOOKS AT THE WWE ARMAGEDDON PPV

The Cynical View
A Brief Look at Armageddon
By Michael Campbell

The WWE has always treated their December PPV, Armageddon, as the bastard child of their line-up. Needless to say, it is not known for being a memorable, or even especially satisfying show. Taking place right after the Survivor Series, it’s often came across as a show comprised of leftovers, a clean-up operation, a mish-mash of what just doesn’t fit on the “important” shows. It really shouldn’t be this way of course.

Yes, Survivor Series is one of the biggest events of the year, with a rich history (that the WWE choose generally to ignore these days- instead concentrating on the dirty events of 97) and is treated as if it’s a crucial show. However nothing is done to distinguish it, and this indifference only serves to make Armageddon, a PPV that resembles it in every way but quality-wise (I’m speaking generally- sometimes Survivor Series sucks too of course) look even poorer by comparison.
Additionally, the next big, big card, is the Royal Rumble, which is of course, an event that is always afforded it’s due respect, and booked perhaps second only to Wrestlemania.
Thus, Armageddon is allowed to fall neatly between the cracks in Creative’s diaries, defining itself as a dispensable waste of income.

The much-maligned PPV first began life in 1999. It was an abominable means of ending a year that was filled with Supercards that were an absolute mess. In terms of quality, WWE PPV’s circa 1999 was a desperate time indeed. Yes, it was a year of enormous growth and financial success for the McMahon’s but artistically, things were pretty grim. While now, we all moan about PPV standards, for me, it was worse back then, when clean finishes were a luxury, and shows had a logic that TNA clearly lifted their strategy from. Most shows were overbooked, over-loaded, awkward and ungainly, filled with lame interference in bouts, and an abundance of has-been stars, that were only whittled out the year following. Armageddon epitomized all of these weaknesses.

It’s never a good thing when your main event features an elderly man, who isn’t a worker, who happens to be the owner of the WWE, who disgracefully booked himself to win the Heavyweight title just a couple months prior, wrestling for over thirty minutes, as a baby face, no less. Battling Triple H, Vinnie Mac actually put forth a good effort, in what was a fairly successfully encounter, though one that was saddled with being way overlong, and featuring the least sympathetic baby face imaginable. This one was mainly memorable as the basis for the McMahon-Helmsley era.
Elsewhere, the lack of a top baby face in a prominent spot was wretchedly apparent. The Big Show, who was then the least over WWE Champion in history, battled The Big Boss Man in a dire encounter, that was short, unbelievable, and sent the Ft. Lauderdale crowd to sleep (though in fairness, they’re a terrible bunch of spectators at the best of times, given recent evidence). It was no surprise fans had no interest in this one, as the highlight of the feud was Big Show jumping upon his own father’s coffin to prevent the Boss Man from stealing his cadaver at the funeral. This was the most unintentionally hilarious moment of TV that year. Didn’t help this match much though.
Elsewhere, Steve Austin was out injured, and genuine good-guys Rock and Mankind defended the tag titles in an average match with the New Age Outlaws, in what was the tail end of their tag run. It was a waste of their talents on this show though. In what appears quite the novelty now, Val Venis, D’Lo Brown, and The British Bulldog clashed in a fair triple threat match for the worthless European title. This was back when Val still had a chance…
Chris Jericho was on good form, beating Chyna for the IC title, in a match that should never have existed, because Chyna as IC Champion was about as believable as Ahmed Johnson selling, but the most remembered part of the show was actually in a hopeless women’s four-way. Contested inside a swimming pool, the object of this was to strip your opponents evening gown off to eliminate them. Miss Kitty scored the victory, then actually whipped her baps out. That’s one of those moments that prevents people from taking Women’s wrestling seriously and feeds the horny teen mentality that spoils the US female wrestling scene.

2000 was a superior show to it’s predecessor. Topped by a sensational six-man Hell In a Cell Match, it still wasn’t great (the undercard was one of the weaker ones of the year, but to be honest, almost every WWE PPV of 2000 was fantastic), but it was enjoyable. An IC title match between Chris Benoit and Billy Gunn was as good as you could have expected. The Intercontinental Title was thrown back on Benoit as they both didn’t know what to do with the Canadian, and Gunn had already proven to be super boring in the role. Benoit’s buddies, the Radicals, were involved in an elimination match that was messy but entertaining, which is certainly an appropriate way to also describe the Hardcore Holly/Al Snow European title bout. Chris Jericho also went to war with Kane in a last-man standing match, that was exciting, but concluded a pretty miserable feud. Everything else was instantly washed from my memory, as nothing else of any significance occurred.
But it really didn’t matter much how the under-card of this one went. It was all about the Main event, a dramatic, exhausting, exhilarating, thrilling ride, showcasing WWE’s main event talent pool. Was it an important show? Ultimately no, but at the time, for a brief moment, it sure felt like it.

In 2001, the PPV was dropped, in favour of “Vengeance”, following the September 11th attacks. Yes, for fear of upsetting viewers (surely Vengeance could be construed as an even touchier title however?).

But the following year, we were back, with the best Armageddon yet. That’s not saying an awful lot though. The show opened with a thrilling four-team elimination bout for the tag team titles. Coming down to Booker T and Goldust, and their rivals, Christian and Chris Jericho, this hot offering had the fans going nuts for the finish. A really good showing, and a highlight of the feud between these guys. Two other buddies who had a fine match, were Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit, whose clash was a fascinating, back and forth battle.
Edge versus A-Train however, wasn’t a highlight, of, well… anything. The former Albert was a few years off the current worker he is, and also was in the position of being thrust into a high-profile heel run that he was not adequately prepared for. This was a dull, dull outing. Also in the negative Bracket, was the hideously clumsy, amateurish affair that saw Batista (fresh from his “Deacon” Batista role… “Testify!”) collide with Kane. Ugly, yes. Slow, yes. Good… no… no, just terrible.
Even worse, was the series of skits and rubbish involving Torrie Wilson, Dawn Marie, and Torrie’s dad. Don’t remember that? You’re one of the lucky ones then.
A women’s title triple threat was unremarkable. As was the Big Show’s title defence against Kurt Angle. But that match, while not a grappling treat, at least finished the right ending ,and instigated in earnest, the beginning of the white-hot Kurt Angle/ Brock Lesnar feud.
The main event, I’m going to talk about at length in another column, however, Shawn Michaels and Triple H did have a pretty good “epic” of a 2/3 falls match. But the best of the night, was a fine, slow-burning technical clash between the tragic duo of Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit. Sadly, it’s a bout that’s almost impossible to watch now, and was probably underappreciated at the time.
But between the two title matches, this PPV was obviously a means to an end, rather than a piece of entertainment in itself. What it did right, was entirely down to the performers involved.

Back in 2003, I’d been on a run of watching consecutive WWE PPV’s for several years. I think Armageddon 2003 was the first I missed for maybe, nearly four years. The simple reason was that it looked absolutely dire. Highlighted (a word used somewhat cautiously I might add), by a triple threat for the World title, between Triple H, Bill Goldberg, and Kane, it was a deeply dissatisfying show. That bout was average at best, being the umpteenth uninteresting effort put forth by Champion Goldberg, and “the Game”. Kane was included purely to pretend it wasn’t all a retread of old ground, which at least added a little flavour to this. Trips unceremoniously lifted the World title here (again), while the entire world groaned. But it was a step in the right direction in all fairness. Randy Orton’s challenge to Rob Van Dam’s Intercontinental title was much better though, although not the best encounter the two have had. It did take match of the night honours though, and marked the beginning of a great run with the strap for the current WWE champion. Shawn Michaels had his work cut out for him, taking on the-then inept Batista, which to his credit, was better than expected.
But the rest of the card comprised of folk like Mark Henry, a tag turmoil (what screams filler, more than tag turmoil?), and a rubbish women’s match. Basically this show existed only to place players such as Goldberg, Triple H, and Shawn Michaels in the correct pre-Mania positions. Completely skippable, this one.

If 2003’s effort was passable, the Armageddon that followed was completely and utterly wretched. We’re talking about a card that featured, the Miz, Renne Dupree, Kenzo Suzuki (ugh), Jesus, Mark Jindrak, Luther Reigns, and a cruiserweight title match with Funaki. That’s a line-up you couldn’t create in you worst nightmares. That says it all really.
Headlined by a great four-way title match, between JBL, Booker T, Eddie Guerrero, and The Undertaker, that match did not represent the overall standard of the show. Mouth-watering prospects such as Cena vs. Jesus, and Big Show vs. Kurt Angle, Jindrak and Reigns, and of course, Spike Dudley vs. Funaki, were duds, while Miss Jackie and Dawn Marie took up a considerable amount of TV time with a considerable lack of wrestling. Hardcore Holly and Charlie Haas (hell of a uh, team there) actually had a very good bout with the Bashams, but it isn’t enough to save this one. Pretty much painful from start to finish, this is the definition of a throw-away card. It was bloody awful. Don’t ever watch this, and if you already have done, my deepest sympathies.

2005 was fortunately, a little better. At least in terms of in-ring quality. With a headliner featuring the Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell, it delivered in portions, and was not completely offensive. That’s quite the achievement, given it’s lineage. The Cell match itself was very good, though not especially memorable, and nowhere near the standard of Undertaker/Brock, or Batista/HHH. It’s impact was also diminished by the insulting, ridiculous build up beforehand, and on the PPV itself. This was the storyline that saw Randy Orton hallucinate, as a result of his feud with Taker, hallucinations which we, the audience, were able to see when he looked in the mirror. That’s the kind of retarded, ridiculous material that turns off those who already belittle wrestling as fake, and make it almost indefensible. Meanwhile, during the actual PPV, Timmy White, the former referee, who was injured in a Hell In A Cell, supposedly shot himself in a bar, having come to the end of the line, as HIAC had ruined his life. Seriously, that was the angle. Absolutely worthless.
The semi main saw Batista team with Rey Mysterio to lock horns with Kane and the Big Show. It was a little better than you might imagine, but not anything you would particularly want to pay to see, and a bout that reeked of your average TV main event.
Elsewhere, Kid Kash defeated Juventud Guerrera to raise the cruiserweight title, and commence his five minute push. Despite a good match, there’s no need to see this, as it’s the same title switch every “name” cruiserweight enjoys on the way into WWE, before the revolving door takes them out again.
It wasn’t much fun watching a very green Bobby Lashley squash the potential filled duo of William Regal and Paul Burchill, likewise a woeful segment involving Teddy Long, Santa, and an elf. Avoid!
Costing the Pay per view yet more points was JBL’s opening match squash of Matt Hardy, in another of the Sensei of Mattitude’s career highlights. He has quite a few of those…
Ah well, MNM vs. the Mexicools was good, though still reminds me of just how poorly planned their premature break up was. Booker T also had a fine match with Chris Benoit (the fourth in their best of seven series), which was in fact, the best of the night.
I take it all back. 2005 was terrible.

Ahh, 2006! Last year’s effort was undoubtedly an improvement, though one that treaded TNA’s over gimmicked waters. The first of these was the Inferno match between Kane and MVP. Honestly, if you’ve never seen an Inferno “match”, don’t bother. They just aren’t as interesting as you would imagine. Plus the desire to see someone get burned is just sick, get a hobby!
On the other end of the spectrum, was the fantastic four-team ladder match for the tag titles. Yes, the one which saw Joey Mercury’s unfortunate face explode in a shower of different shaped chunks. Nice. But aside from that, it was a genuinely thrilling match. Just watch it. Enough said.
There’s was also a Lingerie Match/contest/waste of time, and a horrendously rubbish Last Ride Match between The Undertaker and Mr Kennedy.
Thankfully, the straight up bouts had a couple of bright sparks. Jimmy Wang Yang had a nice Cruiserweight title match with Gregory Helms (though more of a mid-carder athletic contest than a traditional cruiserweight effort- thanks to Vince), that is part of one of the best periods of his WWE run thus far. I do wish he could just be Jimmy Yang though.
“Cruiserweight” Chavo Guerrero had a top-drawer encounter with Chris Benoit. In fact, the quality of all of Benoit’s Armageddon bouts really highlights the crucial role he played. Continually booked in bouts much lower on the card than a man of his talents should have been, he nonetheless was able to deliver quality action every time. This is another of his Armageddon contests that while not memorable, or a draw in itself, was vital in keeping these often shoddy super cards held together.
The Main event of Batista and John Cena vs. Finlay and Booker T was an incredible effort by the Irishman, but not by anyone else. Needless to say, it was watchable, but like the previous year’s tag encounter with Batista, forgettable, and certainly nowhere near PPV standard. Which makes me think- this show’s quite well-booked by the WWE, and certainly a time-saving experience, as you could turn your copy off after the Cruiserweight title showdown. Even if you did, you would still get to see The Miz vs. Boogeyman. Awesome!

Joking aside, if you look at the 2006 show, it’s a good example of how little value Armageddon holds in the WWE creative mindset. The main event was a completely throwaway match, which is often the case here, or it’s a spot reserved for establishing the line-up for the “more important” PPV’s that follow in January and March. The main of 99 set the wheels in motion for the year ahead, which was it’s only real asset, and the same could be said of 2002 and 2003. The last three Armageddon’s have featured the Champion in matches that are completely pointless, and filler, even the sterling four-way three years ago. Yes, it was a good match, but it was clearly there only because the promotion didn’t want to “give away” any of their potentially big drawing singles matches which would service them over the following months.

This year, we’re facing a show that while continuing the tradition of being a pre-Rumble/Mania set-up, looks to be a fascinating one. Chris Jericho’s first PPV appearance since Summerslam 05 if worth the expense alone, in my book, however the appeal of his title pursuit has lost it’s shine, as he has zero chance of winning the strap. Plus, he isn’t over and risks a flat match (well done WWE!). Hunter versus Jeff is a much more attractive prospect, though one that I fear will lead HHH to a Rumble title win, and a Wrestlemania Main event spot (that would be four out of the last five), which Randy Orton deserves. At this point I’d rather go with Orton/Flair at Wrestlemania, if it’s going to be the end of the Nature Boy, we‘d then be putting over a future prospect (which Trips isn‘t). Jeff could get the win over Hunter (which he needs, and could catapult him to the top, which the fans clearly want) at Armageddon, bagging the Royal Rumble title shot, which HHH would cost him. In turn, Hardy could cost Trips the Mania title shot by interfering in the Rumble, setting up a Mania grudge match.
Crap, I’m getting ahead of myself. Okay, so basically, it’s a damn solid piece of grappling on paper. Kennedy/Michaels is a fresh one that has enjoyed a nice build up, and the Smackdown title match, between Batista , Undertaker, and Edge, has the potential to be a scorcher.
CM Punk’s drawn the short straw though, in a tag match that will possibly not deliver the in-ring goods, but may see him enjoy another positive crowd reaction. And Rey vs. MVP is one to definitely look out for.

Essentially, this year’s Armageddon has the makings of one of the better “smaller” PPVS. It’s different and fresh. I just hope they deliver on the night, and don’t hold off on doing anything exciting for rear of spoiling a future, “important” show.

That’s it for now, thanks for reading this nonsense. If you have any comments/questions/queries/or anything to say, get in touch at bazilalfonso@hotmail.com, whether you agree/disagree/hate me, or whatever if may be, I welcome all correspondence. Thanks again