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I'VE BEEN RUMBLED.....LOOKING AT THE 2008 ROYAL RUMBLE

Welcome back to the Cynical View. Some folk have accused me of lacking, err, cynicism lately. And it’s probably been a justifiable criticism, as the usual quibbles aside, I have been complaining a little less about the WWE, and Raw in particular. Those chastisers will be happy to know that the cynic is once again well and truly alive, following the 2008 Royal Rumble. Bear in mind that before expressing my thoughts, I waited to see what wackiness transpired on Raw.

I probably should be happy. I should probably feel satisfied. I feel like it’s perhaps, in a way, difficult to criticize Vince McMahon and the WWE for the 2008 Royal Rumble. After all, it was far from a bad show, and in fact, I’m almost tempted to say it was a good one. Let’s look what they gave us.

The opener was perhaps Ric Flair’s finest performance since his return. It certainly called upon the aging, decrepit veteran to do much more than is usually asked of him. To an extent, he delivered, and produced an entertaining, if not believable bout, with the continually improving MVP. At times, the two didn’t gel, and while there was plenty of atmosphere, it perhaps didn’t have that special feeling Flair and the WWE probably wished for. But that’s not a surprise. No-one, for a second believed he would lose the match. He welled up with tears afterwards, and while a nice scene, it didn’t feel in the slightest bit important. This wasn’t helped by the fact that during the bout, he looked absolutely knackered, and towards the end, confused and lost.

We were also treated to a half decent encounter between JBL and Chris Jericho. Whilst not especially memorable as a match, it did spawn several minutes of Jericho going absolutely crackers, and destroying Bradshaw, leaving more open than he has been in the months following his re-integration into WWE society. JBL looked insanely skinny, especially his Vince circa-84 pencil neck. The two went stiff early on, which I assume was intentional, though there were awkward moments, and a horrible botch near the end. But overall, it served it’s purpose, and hopeful shall lead to a bull-rope, or dog-collar stip for the two maybe at Wrestlemania. It’s possible they could have went a bit further with the post-match antics though. Okay, so Jericho was shedding more unnecessary blood than an extra in a Rob Zombie picture, but the actual rage he unleashed was rather brief. Still, the set-up is there, and it feels good baby.

Likewise, Edge and Rey wasn’t astonishing, but it was impressive, although it perhaps benefited from not carrying with it, the pressures that Orton and Hardy were burdened with. This was simply, a good old-fashioned, throwaway title bout. The two battled back and forth in a heated, surprising, and well-paced effort, that was probably a little two short, at around 13-14 minutes.

However, Rey’s challenge to the WWE title felt forced. As usual, when placed in a mouth-watering main event calibre bout with someone like Edge, Rey found himself loudly booed. It’s nothing new, and it will continue to happen so long as Rey is pushed as a fluky, whiney baby face. In saying all that, Rey did do a really good job, especially in recovering from a couple of blown spots, and really turned up the temperature towards the end of his challenge. The last couple of minutes were great stuff. Oh yeah, and my usual complaint- the champion came to the ring first, NO dammit!

Heading into this show, most of us were filled with optimism. However, before the Rumble begin, they undermined it. How is this, you say? The only people, promo or otherwise, to discuss the Rumble, were Hornswoggle, the comedy midget, and Ric Flair, HBK, Triple H, Batista and Kennedy, backstage in an abomination of a skit. This one was there to squarely highlight three of the key players (Hunter, Batista, HBK), but did so in an atrocious manner. Yes, they’re some of the only ones (along with… umm, Undertaker) who had any chance whatsoever of winning, but is that something that should really be pointed out? More importantly, why are they all having jollies and laughing at Ric Flair’s barely covered crotch? And why does Flair have to touch Michaels so often? Completely bizarre segment. McMahon’s segment was awful, as it highlighted the terrible inability his hammy acting has in mixing with Finlay’s zero personality acting, but this one was just frightening.

The Rumble itself, was as per normal, fine in terms of in-ring quality. Michael Buffer’s introduction was a superb touch, that brought some class to proceedings. It was very interesting to have Taker and HBK start out, which lent the match much unpredictability (for a while), as it seemed unlikely Taker could go the distance. I honestly, at this point, would rather have CM Punk challenge Edge for the World title at Wrestlemania, and see Michaels and Undertaker have a one-on-one. They’re long overdue that, and in fact, have never collided at Mania, despite their superior history together. All interest here dissipated however, with the manner in which the two were eliminated. If it wasn’t for the surprise number thirty entrant, the outcome of Triple H winning was completely telegraphed, which made the rest of this a chore at times. That is, abruptly, during another performer’s entrance, and almost completely off camera. It should be observed that all night, the production team were having a nightmare, missing spots left, right and yup, centre. The Great Khali, the biggest man in the match, was eliminated almost as soon as he entered. What a terrible waste. The guy was a World Champion a few months ago. Okay, so he was, and still is, completely awful, but he is over in his role, so why not take advantage of that? In the Rumble, of all match types- a battle freakin’ royale- he could have played a valuable role. Hardcore Holly was in there for far too long on the other hand. CM Punk thankfully looked good, until his unfortunate elimination at the hands of Chavo. Terrible booking. Punk has got to be one of the least sympathetic baby faces around, like Virgil. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. Umaga’s tights were comical, as red clearly doesn’t work for the guy. He mainly looked good, demolishing people periodically with this thumb, but like many others, didn’t do much for the drama, as if was obvious he had no chance at the end of the day. 

My biggest pet peeve with the entire bout though, was possibly Shelton Benjamin’s elimination. How retarded did the guy look. All that build-up, all the potential to be taken seriously, and instead he participated in one cool spot, and was then chucked by Shawn. Just disgraceful, and a waste of WWE’s time, and ours. Actually, almost worse than this, was the appearance of Roddy Piper, and Jimmy Snuka. It was completely embarrassing. Ok, so they’re “legends”, and they got a pop. But including the likes of those guys in crucial matches like this is one of the big problems in presenting a product that can be taken seriously. It was hard to stomach guys bumping hard for their feeble strikes. In contrast to the retirement village shenanigans, Punk, Morrison, and Carlito delivered one of the best sequences of the entire match during their brief struggle. The material with Finlay and Horsnwoggle was revoltingly rubbish, as was a fair portion of the last few entrees into the rumble. The end sequence though was an obvious attempt to recreate the magical finale from last year. It didn’t reach that level, but it did bolster the crowd, and everyone involved did an excellent job, with the excitement continuing as it came down to just HHH and Cena. This two had a fine exchange, that had the crowd on the edge of their seats, but all the while, I admit, I cringed, because I don’t want either to be challenging for the strap come Mania.

Notice I haven’t mentioned Mick Foley at all? Well that’s because he did nothing of note. Why bother at all Mick?

The Rumble bout was, essentially, an utterly infuriating experience, summarising the overall show.

Jeff versus Orton was a very good match, with some great moments. Hardy was treated to a superstar reaction from the New York crowd, and responded with a solid effort. It was very unfortunate however that beforehand, their useless new “broadcast colleague”, Mike Adamle introduced Jeff “Harvey”. Jeebus, what an awful show to make that error. Anyways, Harvey tossed in the usual highspots, to the delight of his fans, and combined them into the context of a match that really made sense, and had a strong finish that nicely sets up Orton as a strong heel , with a devastating finisher.

However, Jeff’s tussle Orton may well have been a very good match, but it didn’t live up to the billing. That’s not to say Jeff Hardy let anyone down, but more to do with the fact that the build-up to this, was the finest that the WWE have produced in years. The hype really was that good. Thus, it was perhaps impossible not to be slightly disappointed with the result. Unless Jeff was to have walked away with the strap, maybe complete satisfaction could not have been achieved. It was an extremely tough position these two guys were in. They both did a commendable job. But I don’t think it was enough. It wasn’t enough for all those people who shelled out cash to see Hardy rise to the next level. Now, he’s just another guy. Why? Because he was beat clean, by the villain, and now falls beneath Michaels, Cena, and Triple H in the baby face pecking order. That puts him right back to the end of 2006 then, doesn’t it. A chance to build up a potentially huge, different, fresh main eventer, and right now, it’s a struggle to see how that has not gone down the toilet. I really fear that Jeff had reached a vital, crucial peak in his development, that perhaps needed that extra shove, to keep him at the summit, alas now, he shall crash down. The match itself did him no favours. The surprise RKO? Fine, fair enough. However, it should have came after a more prolonged period towards the end, and possibly some near falls. The clash really lacked those requited nail biting kick outs, that would have underlined the strength of Jeff’s challenge. He excited the crowd, he hit the big spots, and he failed. End of story. There needed to be a something more to excuse his loss. If Hardy never becomes a main eventer, you can point to this moment as the reason why. He had all the momentum in the world, the fans were willing to embrace someone different, and the main event scene for Wrestlemania had the potential to dazzle. But they decided differently.

For me, the problem for the entire PPV, and in saying this, I feel like I’m going through the same old whiney motions, but it’s unavoidable- is the lack of courage. The stars of the show, were clearly John Cena, Undertaker, Batista, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H. That signifies a horrendous safety net, a comfort zone that the WWE just don’t seem willing to venture from. John Cena does not need to be the Number One contender, and shouldn’t be. He doesn’t even need to be wrestling at Wrestlemania, nor should he be. Raw, and the promotion in general have been doing just fine without him. Now, I like Cena, and on his way out last year, defended him against those who sneered at his injury. However, I didn’t’ deny that he was overexposed, and shoved down fans throats, to the point where a break from the guy, had it’s benefits. And hasn’t it been great? No disrespect to Cena, but his bad luck has produced an environment in which the WWE had to be creative, and different, and attempt something new. Hence the push of Jeff Hardy. And they’re were doing fine. They benefited from some decent ratings, business hardly suffered. It all meant that the main event scene has been new and different. Eventually, if they had held on for Cena’s return until an appropriate time, it would have been really special. His return would have been fresh and exciting, and he would have been participating within a whole new scene. But alas, he’s wandered back in, to face Orton, just months, after, yes, he faced Orton.

Oh, and following Raw, it turns out that Cena will actually challenge Orton at No Way Out, rather than Mani. Err…. Okay then. So it makes no sense, and diminishes the purpose of the Rumble slightly, but it is to our advantage. It creates a huge array of possibilities for the eventual Mania title shot. Sadly, the smart money points to Cena defeating Orton at the second-rate supershow, and Trips winning the Chamber match to become the Wrestlemania foe for Mr Bling. Hunter vs. Cena at Mania is a terrible idea. Awful. Orton deserves to be there, and has the heat, that he should be. Fans want to see Jeff Hardy. This is the perfect opportunity to exploit that and give him the platform which he deserves from which he could be catapulted through the glass ceiling. But alas, I fear once more, they’ll go the safe route. At least for now though, we can all live in hope until after that elimination chamber bout.

It’ll be interesting to see the Rumble buy-rate when it comes in, because not one single buy can be attributed to John Cena, but you can bet a whole bunch are a direct result of Hardy’s match, and in that little factoid lies the whole problem. They need to grow some grapefruits. A faux-push just doesn’t cut it. This isn’t 1988, and fans don’t want to see the same over-ripe baby face headline ten wrestle mania’s in a row anymore. Hey, I guess we did get to see the awesome debut of Jeff “Harvey” though…..